change is certain
i'm in oceanside, ca. christina and i have been on the road for almost a month now doing business. i have made a lot of new friends and realized certainly where and where not i would like to rest my head in the future. anything south of san francisco sucks. that is, in the united states. i knew that already but this in-depth trip reaffirms everything tenfold.
i am ready to go back home to portland, to my cat, and to people who don't sunbathe for a hobby and wouldn't, even if we had more sun up north.
we leave tomorrow for LA, hopefully for just a night. i am burnt out. luckily, i know our place in san francisco is going to be pretty close to homelike and i have a couple gem-locals to hang with accompanied by their real life close-to-fiction stories.
the hardest thing on this whole trip was looking at the only person you idolize that's actual touchable, refreshing, intrinsically positive, meaningful feasible human flesh and never feeling like you're even a piece of that person; or that they want a piece of you to take away with them. another purely enjoyable experience like many others, with many others. i had conditioned myself through over 4 years of friendship to think that i was better than that. as matt says, "everyone is equal," and it's right, and should be right, is sickeningly right, but sometimes you just want so bad not to be equal to everyone else. i want to be THAT person that is always with him. i don't really know how else to say it. my heart hurts. i think i am just feeling the tides turning so to speak.
life is really beautiful ultimately.
i am ready to go back home to portland, to my cat, and to people who don't sunbathe for a hobby and wouldn't, even if we had more sun up north.
we leave tomorrow for LA, hopefully for just a night. i am burnt out. luckily, i know our place in san francisco is going to be pretty close to homelike and i have a couple gem-locals to hang with accompanied by their real life close-to-fiction stories.
the hardest thing on this whole trip was looking at the only person you idolize that's actual touchable, refreshing, intrinsically positive, meaningful feasible human flesh and never feeling like you're even a piece of that person; or that they want a piece of you to take away with them. another purely enjoyable experience like many others, with many others. i had conditioned myself through over 4 years of friendship to think that i was better than that. as matt says, "everyone is equal," and it's right, and should be right, is sickeningly right, but sometimes you just want so bad not to be equal to everyone else. i want to be THAT person that is always with him. i don't really know how else to say it. my heart hurts. i think i am just feeling the tides turning so to speak.
life is really beautiful ultimately.