Reality
I hate it.
Every moment, and with every experience it mocks my existence. It is what shows the things that are lacking, and what I am wanting. I could live in fantasy, make believe, if that was all there was. To be happy, loved, wanted, cared for, and to care. To be the person I want to be. But it can't and I can't, simply because it isn't 'real'. Reality is death, despair, disappointment, bitterness, hunger, poverty, pain, loneliness - no sane person would fantasize about those. Life would be more pleasant without reality. Some would say insignificant, but they are fools. What we experience is life and how we react to those experiences is who we are, and a life of dreams is no different than a life with none save that it's more pleasant. Some people like a challenge, like to struggle and come out on top - they would profit from fantasy too, since most of the time they never come out on top, and use their entire life struggling. What's that then? A life of struggle? It's almost as bad as a life of someone who just rolled over and took it.
Unfortunately, by any standards you have to become insane to make reality disappear. Are they the wise ones then? Those who refuse a cold world. The rest of us have to compromise, to try to make fantasy reality. But that kills the fantasy, much the way colorizing a old b&w film does, but it's all the 'sane' ones have. Maybe those that try aren't sane. I know I begged, pleaded, prayed, hoped, wheeled and honestly tried to deal with every being, entity, spirit that humankind has a name for. From God to Satan, I get nothing. No answer, no reply for 10 years. You can figure omnipotent or semi-omnipotent beings could influence events withing a human decade. Which means one of two things : They don't exist, or I'm as worthless as I think I am.
And what you may ask, am I wanting to trade or give or believe almost anything for? I would settle for love. It doesn't even have to be carnal in nature, I would be content if it could never be - not happy, but content. It's that simple. The ironic part is everywhere you go you see these beautiful people complain about how they can't find qualities and I wonder where they are in life? I mean are they BLIND? No, they are not blind, they are just lying to us and themselves.
The secret to success in relationships is simple : be humorously arrogant, it works for both genders as far as I know. That is why the jerk, scumbags, and slime always make off with your match, and the 'nice people', who's have the traits that the match later complains they can't find, are left in the dust. It is also why I probably can never have what I want. I grew up 'nice' and 'gentle', no one encouraged it or forced it, it's just the way it happened. It is all of who I am. Funny isn't it? The ones who want to love a person, the romantics, those that are happy to make their love happy and to just be with them, are the ones that usually can't and are the ones it hurts the most; while the predators, who could care less about who they have now, are the ones they keep going to.
I know one day soon, I will either go insane and live in fantasy or finally stand up for myself and end my reality. The only other option, making reality of fantasy, quite plainly would require either divine or infernal influence, but seeing as they either don't exist or figure my existence too insignificant to bother with (which I can't blame them for) it likely won't happen. That's reality.
Reality is existence and I hate it.
Every moment, and with every experience it mocks my existence. It is what shows the things that are lacking, and what I am wanting. I could live in fantasy, make believe, if that was all there was. To be happy, loved, wanted, cared for, and to care. To be the person I want to be. But it can't and I can't, simply because it isn't 'real'. Reality is death, despair, disappointment, bitterness, hunger, poverty, pain, loneliness - no sane person would fantasize about those. Life would be more pleasant without reality. Some would say insignificant, but they are fools. What we experience is life and how we react to those experiences is who we are, and a life of dreams is no different than a life with none save that it's more pleasant. Some people like a challenge, like to struggle and come out on top - they would profit from fantasy too, since most of the time they never come out on top, and use their entire life struggling. What's that then? A life of struggle? It's almost as bad as a life of someone who just rolled over and took it.
Unfortunately, by any standards you have to become insane to make reality disappear. Are they the wise ones then? Those who refuse a cold world. The rest of us have to compromise, to try to make fantasy reality. But that kills the fantasy, much the way colorizing a old b&w film does, but it's all the 'sane' ones have. Maybe those that try aren't sane. I know I begged, pleaded, prayed, hoped, wheeled and honestly tried to deal with every being, entity, spirit that humankind has a name for. From God to Satan, I get nothing. No answer, no reply for 10 years. You can figure omnipotent or semi-omnipotent beings could influence events withing a human decade. Which means one of two things : They don't exist, or I'm as worthless as I think I am.
And what you may ask, am I wanting to trade or give or believe almost anything for? I would settle for love. It doesn't even have to be carnal in nature, I would be content if it could never be - not happy, but content. It's that simple. The ironic part is everywhere you go you see these beautiful people complain about how they can't find qualities and I wonder where they are in life? I mean are they BLIND? No, they are not blind, they are just lying to us and themselves.
The secret to success in relationships is simple : be humorously arrogant, it works for both genders as far as I know. That is why the jerk, scumbags, and slime always make off with your match, and the 'nice people', who's have the traits that the match later complains they can't find, are left in the dust. It is also why I probably can never have what I want. I grew up 'nice' and 'gentle', no one encouraged it or forced it, it's just the way it happened. It is all of who I am. Funny isn't it? The ones who want to love a person, the romantics, those that are happy to make their love happy and to just be with them, are the ones that usually can't and are the ones it hurts the most; while the predators, who could care less about who they have now, are the ones they keep going to.
I know one day soon, I will either go insane and live in fantasy or finally stand up for myself and end my reality. The only other option, making reality of fantasy, quite plainly would require either divine or infernal influence, but seeing as they either don't exist or figure my existence too insignificant to bother with (which I can't blame them for) it likely won't happen. That's reality.
Reality is existence and I hate it.