(no subject)
From J's MSBlog: So here I go, I've lost the only thing that was really good in my life. I don't quite know what I did wrong but just that it happened. I'm pretty lost, I have nooooo clue where to go from here. I don't know any girls due to a several year relationship, I have no confidence, self esteem, or charm. Beyond all that I just feel like shit in general. I learned that nothing good will last no matter how hard you try, and the story of my life lives on, It doesn't matter how hard you work, it will all go to hell in the end. The worst part is seeing her moving on so fast. Something was missing, but even if there was the fact that this relationship has ended has left a hole bigger then any previously. I was fine for about a week but then it nailed me, like I stepped on a huge rusty nail. This wound is severely infected to say the least.
Remember when we were still talking? I went to your house and you were being so damned adorable and I was trying so damned hard not to notice and you asked me what was on my mind that was bothering me? Remember how I asked how you'd feel if I got a new boyfriend? Remember how you didn't answer the question? You said that I 'couldn't manage a boyfriend,' that I 'couldn't handle a relationship,' that 'there was a reason we broke up.' It doesn't matter if any or all of that is true. It didn't answer the question. If you told me it would bother you because it was so soon, I wouldn't be in a new relationship yet. Yeah, that's right, because I respect you and care about you and I understand. Why else would I have asked the damned question? I wasn't asking for permission, don't get that idea into your head, nor your blessing, nor your views on whether or why or when it would fail. I wanted to know how you Felt. You've always told me; it's what made you so unique and wonderful. It's what made us work for as long as we did.
Remember the night we broke up? There's a lot to remember from that night, but remember our predictions? Remember how I told you that I would get a new boyfriend soon because I can't handle being single and without one I'd just keep trying to get you back? Remember?!
Remember how every time I've been single I've crashed and burned? Remember how we've agreed that I need someone keeping me in line so I don't do bad things? ...Would you rather I crash without you, or that I find someone else to make sure I don't?
There was a reason we broke up. There was a reason we had problems. That reason was me, because except for maybe once every time something went wrong with us it was my fault. That's why I ran out crying. Because you were right. But that wasn't what I was asking.
Remember two and a half years ago......... I warned you that dating me was a bad idea. I warned you that it would be difficult and that you'd get hurt and that it was much smarter to not date me. I gave the same warning to Sean after I'd sat in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot for almost 2 hours after leaving your house. Like you, he ignored the warning.
I wish you'd have given any answer other than the one you gave me. Maybe we'd still be talking. Maybe you don't want to.. Maybe that's why you said it.
But you do have charm, whether or not you admit it. And we did last, two and a half years. That's a long time, and it was all thanks to you.
Remember when we were still talking? I went to your house and you were being so damned adorable and I was trying so damned hard not to notice and you asked me what was on my mind that was bothering me? Remember how I asked how you'd feel if I got a new boyfriend? Remember how you didn't answer the question? You said that I 'couldn't manage a boyfriend,' that I 'couldn't handle a relationship,' that 'there was a reason we broke up.' It doesn't matter if any or all of that is true. It didn't answer the question. If you told me it would bother you because it was so soon, I wouldn't be in a new relationship yet. Yeah, that's right, because I respect you and care about you and I understand. Why else would I have asked the damned question? I wasn't asking for permission, don't get that idea into your head, nor your blessing, nor your views on whether or why or when it would fail. I wanted to know how you Felt. You've always told me; it's what made you so unique and wonderful. It's what made us work for as long as we did.
Remember the night we broke up? There's a lot to remember from that night, but remember our predictions? Remember how I told you that I would get a new boyfriend soon because I can't handle being single and without one I'd just keep trying to get you back? Remember?!
Remember how every time I've been single I've crashed and burned? Remember how we've agreed that I need someone keeping me in line so I don't do bad things? ...Would you rather I crash without you, or that I find someone else to make sure I don't?
There was a reason we broke up. There was a reason we had problems. That reason was me, because except for maybe once every time something went wrong with us it was my fault. That's why I ran out crying. Because you were right. But that wasn't what I was asking.
Remember two and a half years ago......... I warned you that dating me was a bad idea. I warned you that it would be difficult and that you'd get hurt and that it was much smarter to not date me. I gave the same warning to Sean after I'd sat in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot for almost 2 hours after leaving your house. Like you, he ignored the warning.
I wish you'd have given any answer other than the one you gave me. Maybe we'd still be talking. Maybe you don't want to.. Maybe that's why you said it.
But you do have charm, whether or not you admit it. And we did last, two and a half years. That's a long time, and it was all thanks to you.