(no subject)
Why am I so fucking stupid?
I hate this and I hate the dark powers - I don't think anyone who still reads this even fully gets that reference - except maybe Eric - I don't know - but I wish they didn't mess up everything all the time. And that's not shifting the blame from myself - it's all my fault - I know that much - I'm not quite stupid enough to ignore the facts - but they are such a part of me and who I am that even if I dug in my nails and pried my fingers into the center of my ribcage and tore myself open, split open my arms and legs, turned them inside out, shattered my bones, ripped out my hair, scratched off my face, removed my tongue, slit my throat, impaled my heart and screamed into forever I could never be free of my inner torment. And it's all been building up to this. What more can they do what more can I do? Because I don't know how much more I could survive. I'm fake again, because all the substance has been infected. It's won. It's over. No, it's not. But God I wish it was.
I hate this and I hate the dark powers - I don't think anyone who still reads this even fully gets that reference - except maybe Eric - I don't know - but I wish they didn't mess up everything all the time. And that's not shifting the blame from myself - it's all my fault - I know that much - I'm not quite stupid enough to ignore the facts - but they are such a part of me and who I am that even if I dug in my nails and pried my fingers into the center of my ribcage and tore myself open, split open my arms and legs, turned them inside out, shattered my bones, ripped out my hair, scratched off my face, removed my tongue, slit my throat, impaled my heart and screamed into forever I could never be free of my inner torment. And it's all been building up to this. What more can they do what more can I do? Because I don't know how much more I could survive. I'm fake again, because all the substance has been infected. It's won. It's over. No, it's not. But God I wish it was.