So I'm emo. Fuck you.
Jesse asked for me back. I said I'd have to wait a while longer.
What the fuck is wrong with me? There's almost nothing I enjoy, and I'm not looking forward to anything. If I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life, there's almost no fucking point, is there? But I'm gonna keep going anyway. I'm gonna graduate college and get a job and get married and make babies and get them through college before I off myself, cuz they might grow up to find some fucking cure for cancer or whatever. Or they'll become psychokillers and destroy families. Who fuckin knows? But the world can deal with them and they can deal with the world, once I help them get through college it won't be my fuckin problem.
I wish I could have fun. It's supposed to be easy but it's not for me. At the very least, I wish I had stronger lungs so I could smoke away all the pain.
Stupid ranting about a boy. I'm so retarded. I wish I could tell if he means what he says sometimes. I feel like a jerk when I don't believe him, I feel like a child that needs to be broken when I do. Argh.
And Jesse is so sweet, I wish he'd find someone who knew how to appreciate him more.
Pain's a funny thing. It feels like it's tearing you apart, and eventually you wish it literally would just tear you to pieces, but then it doesn't. And then everything is crazy fucked up.
I just want it to stop. I'm so fucking sick of waiting and hoping and wishing and trying and failing and hurting.
What the fuck is wrong with me? There's almost nothing I enjoy, and I'm not looking forward to anything. If I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life, there's almost no fucking point, is there? But I'm gonna keep going anyway. I'm gonna graduate college and get a job and get married and make babies and get them through college before I off myself, cuz they might grow up to find some fucking cure for cancer or whatever. Or they'll become psychokillers and destroy families. Who fuckin knows? But the world can deal with them and they can deal with the world, once I help them get through college it won't be my fuckin problem.
I wish I could have fun. It's supposed to be easy but it's not for me. At the very least, I wish I had stronger lungs so I could smoke away all the pain.
Stupid ranting about a boy. I'm so retarded. I wish I could tell if he means what he says sometimes. I feel like a jerk when I don't believe him, I feel like a child that needs to be broken when I do. Argh.
And Jesse is so sweet, I wish he'd find someone who knew how to appreciate him more.
Pain's a funny thing. It feels like it's tearing you apart, and eventually you wish it literally would just tear you to pieces, but then it doesn't. And then everything is crazy fucked up.
I just want it to stop. I'm so fucking sick of waiting and hoping and wishing and trying and failing and hurting.