(no subject)
so im sitting here watching trigun and im realizing just how different life is for me now... i mean this time last year i was in the process of falling in love with ashley... now im in love with linz and i dont know wut to do b/c i need linz b/c im nothing without her and i love her so much but i also miss being friends with ashley... but idk if i can right now just because of how things are... i dont know... i dont know what to do anymore about anything... linz says that she hates hearing about my past but thats all she ever thinks about... its just like she wont let my past out of her mind and its like... making us fight now... im just gonna give up and give in and just let her make all the decisions b/c all the decisions i make just end up hurting her in the end...
so im saying it right here and now: i will forever be a slave of love and no matter what my feelings and my decisions will not matter... all they ever do is hurt the people i love so im just going to let everyone else decide everything for me because i always make the wrong decisions... im done living for myself b/c all that ever does is hurt people... so im going to let other people live my life for me because that is the only way that anyone that i care about will b happy is if i just lay down and let them walk all over me... and dont try to stop me b/c i just dont care nemore... linz ur gonna look at this and get mad b/c "ur hurting me"... ur not... not at all... this is my decision and has nothing to do with you at all... i've just realized that no matter what i do i hurt people so im just going to give up... mayb this is "no way to live" but its the only way that i'll ever survive... i'll do my work and i'll sleep like everyone else and i'll just live the only way i know how to survive...
no one is going to read this so im just going to stop because honestly? i doubt if anyone cares enuf to read this... and if anyone does read this its not like anything i say here matters so i guess im just doing ths for myself... the only thing i'll do for myself anymore...
so im saying it right here and now: i will forever be a slave of love and no matter what my feelings and my decisions will not matter... all they ever do is hurt the people i love so im just going to let everyone else decide everything for me because i always make the wrong decisions... im done living for myself b/c all that ever does is hurt people... so im going to let other people live my life for me because that is the only way that anyone that i care about will b happy is if i just lay down and let them walk all over me... and dont try to stop me b/c i just dont care nemore... linz ur gonna look at this and get mad b/c "ur hurting me"... ur not... not at all... this is my decision and has nothing to do with you at all... i've just realized that no matter what i do i hurt people so im just going to give up... mayb this is "no way to live" but its the only way that i'll ever survive... i'll do my work and i'll sleep like everyone else and i'll just live the only way i know how to survive...
no one is going to read this so im just going to stop because honestly? i doubt if anyone cares enuf to read this... and if anyone does read this its not like anything i say here matters so i guess im just doing ths for myself... the only thing i'll do for myself anymore...