Religion viewed in a lens
A good friend of mine. (Who happens to be a hot military guy.) Posteed these as a bulletin on Myspace. If you ask real nicely I'll see if he'l let me show you a picture of him. Considering it's Ryan and not my ex.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'
'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest
day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the
groom wearing black?'
_________________________________
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear
Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed
herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again
began to pray...
'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me
either!'
___________________________________
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The
first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on
piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people
to collect all the money!'
_________________________________
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I
don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
_______________________________________
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do i f You
had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
______________________________________
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a
baby-sitter.'
___________________________________
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,'
she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not
kill.'
____________________________________
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when
they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were
ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side.
I think I'm going to have a wife.'
_______________________________________
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think
about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad.'
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'
'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest
day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the
groom wearing black?'
_________________________________
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class.
As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear
Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed
herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again
began to pray...
'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me
either!'
___________________________________
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The
first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on
piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people
to collect all the money!'
_________________________________
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I
don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
_______________________________________
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do i f You
had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
______________________________________
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a
baby-sitter.'
___________________________________
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,'
she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not
kill.'
____________________________________
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when
they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were
ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side.
I think I'm going to have a wife.'
_______________________________________
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think
about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad.'