"I'm feeling alone without you here in my arms....."
Not only am I feeling grossly
lonely, but I'm turning into a total sap. Yuck. Too much Eisley and I
might be that much closer to watching Sense and Sensibility. Again.
Yikes. Watch out for the whine-blog.
".....I'm lost and alone without you here by my side." It's been a sad day for me, having to say goodbye to the fam. I dont think people appreciate how much they mean to me. I mean, they were all I knew for years. It was a group of us 7 since I was born. Only minor interruptions in our time. It's strange to suddenly not be together, I mean, my immediate family shrunk 3 people. My family life hasnt exactly been a picnic since we came to the US, so its really hard reasoning out in my head why things are the way they are; why Im here and they are there. It still hurts like hell when they leave. I still feel like my parents are leaving. I guess because, some of my parents ARE leaving. I have more than the average kid, that's for sure. I just miss them, it's like phantom limb or something.
I think I'm getting edgy about the end of the semester... end of the year. All of it, really. It's all the same. Not enough time with the ones who will soon be leaving, and how do I get it through that I'm sad about it? No one seems to take sadness to seriously, and perhaps that's in an effort to alleviate me of my fears, but I want someone to believe that I'm sick about it. I'm procrastinating because I'm totally in denial that so short of time is left. It's not just school work, although I wish that's all it was. I'm getting scared of leaving all of this; junior year's flying, and all of my senior friends are entitled to a chuckle right now, but I'm petrified. I'm a pretty terrible 20 yr old college kid, I dont know how I'll fair in the 'real adult world'. I dont do anything that comes close to adult now, I slack off, go to work, go to class, and pull off marginally good grades.
All I want to do lately is read and draw, (Sudden burst of creativity) but that will never pay the bills. A friend asked why I didnt do art here at USC. I dont know. I honestly have no idea. Why didnt it dawn on me? Is it just because of the money? Art = broke, that's for sure. I have no idea if I even have an opening in my schedule for taking a random art class, and why I never thought about it before. I'm not bad, just need some fine tuning. OK, a lot. So, why??
* And by the way.... THANKS for saying what you said about it, and making me think this way. In all honesty, I need to. I'm not pushing myself with art, and what you said makes me wonder why.... and makes me want to.
".....I'm lost and alone without you here by my side." It's been a sad day for me, having to say goodbye to the fam. I dont think people appreciate how much they mean to me. I mean, they were all I knew for years. It was a group of us 7 since I was born. Only minor interruptions in our time. It's strange to suddenly not be together, I mean, my immediate family shrunk 3 people. My family life hasnt exactly been a picnic since we came to the US, so its really hard reasoning out in my head why things are the way they are; why Im here and they are there. It still hurts like hell when they leave. I still feel like my parents are leaving. I guess because, some of my parents ARE leaving. I have more than the average kid, that's for sure. I just miss them, it's like phantom limb or something.
I think I'm getting edgy about the end of the semester... end of the year. All of it, really. It's all the same. Not enough time with the ones who will soon be leaving, and how do I get it through that I'm sad about it? No one seems to take sadness to seriously, and perhaps that's in an effort to alleviate me of my fears, but I want someone to believe that I'm sick about it. I'm procrastinating because I'm totally in denial that so short of time is left. It's not just school work, although I wish that's all it was. I'm getting scared of leaving all of this; junior year's flying, and all of my senior friends are entitled to a chuckle right now, but I'm petrified. I'm a pretty terrible 20 yr old college kid, I dont know how I'll fair in the 'real adult world'. I dont do anything that comes close to adult now, I slack off, go to work, go to class, and pull off marginally good grades.
All I want to do lately is read and draw, (Sudden burst of creativity) but that will never pay the bills. A friend asked why I didnt do art here at USC. I dont know. I honestly have no idea. Why didnt it dawn on me? Is it just because of the money? Art = broke, that's for sure. I have no idea if I even have an opening in my schedule for taking a random art class, and why I never thought about it before. I'm not bad, just need some fine tuning. OK, a lot. So, why??
* And by the way.... THANKS for saying what you said about it, and making me think this way. In all honesty, I need to. I'm not pushing myself with art, and what you said makes me wonder why.... and makes me want to.