A Few Contemplations
And so it is, once again, Christmas Eve.
Last year, I took a day off work (I know, we're all shocked) and drove to Sydney with my Dad and his side of the family. Today, Bec asked me what my plans are for tomorrow. They run something like this:
~ 4.30am - 12pm: Working. I have morning shift with Princess Peter. I can't think of a better manager to have Christmas morning with.
~Lunch time: Christmas lunch with Nan and half of the relatives.
~Afternoon: Beach party with some of my friends.
~Dinner: Christmas dinner with Nan and the other half of the relatives.
This year, I won't see my mother or my father. It's kind of sad, right? In the past year, SHE has hurt me so much I don't think I could ever look at her fairly again, let alone with either acceptance or love. My dad has abused my trust, treated me like I was a lying, crazy, suicidal bitch who is hopeless with money and believed an obvious liar over his own daughter.
I've lost a "best friend", and found others that mean more to me than anything. I've reconnected with old people, found new friends, and become closer with still more people. I've grown up, experienced the highs and the lows, and after all that I'm still here for more. I've discovered who I can trust, and who is better off out of my life.
So I'm sitting here thinking - should I be trying, in the spirit of the season, to forget and forgive? Well, I can't. I won't. It seems terrible, but I think everyone is happier this way. Certainly Nan and I are enjoying ourselves, following our Christmas Eve tradition of watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Love Jessa
Last year, I took a day off work (I know, we're all shocked) and drove to Sydney with my Dad and his side of the family. Today, Bec asked me what my plans are for tomorrow. They run something like this:
~ 4.30am - 12pm: Working. I have morning shift with Princess Peter. I can't think of a better manager to have Christmas morning with.
~Lunch time: Christmas lunch with Nan and half of the relatives.
~Afternoon: Beach party with some of my friends.
~Dinner: Christmas dinner with Nan and the other half of the relatives.
This year, I won't see my mother or my father. It's kind of sad, right? In the past year, SHE has hurt me so much I don't think I could ever look at her fairly again, let alone with either acceptance or love. My dad has abused my trust, treated me like I was a lying, crazy, suicidal bitch who is hopeless with money and believed an obvious liar over his own daughter.
I've lost a "best friend", and found others that mean more to me than anything. I've reconnected with old people, found new friends, and become closer with still more people. I've grown up, experienced the highs and the lows, and after all that I'm still here for more. I've discovered who I can trust, and who is better off out of my life.
So I'm sitting here thinking - should I be trying, in the spirit of the season, to forget and forgive? Well, I can't. I won't. It seems terrible, but I think everyone is happier this way. Certainly Nan and I are enjoying ourselves, following our Christmas Eve tradition of watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Love Jessa