Dirt
I wonder.. if it is people around me who are drifting for me or me drifting from them. I wonder if it's me pushing them out, or they pushing me out. I don't know anymore... I feel a bit lonely. Looks like me being bored has taken a toll on me seeing that I can't do anything really... or hardly anything anyway. I want to but there is nothing to do.. no one to see.. hardly anyone to talk to. The world around me is so empty.. and where am I to stand in the ashes? I don't know anymore.. but if I did I'd tell you.. I'd tell myself so I can get the hell out and find some other place to move to and be accepted at. I thought I had let go of the notion that there is hope that I could be accepted but I seem to still desperately cling to it.. desperately cling for some guy to find too. Why? And for what? I don't want love right now.. I just want.. experience.. the ability to see things first then to blindly stare at the candle light and day dream of these fortunes. People don't know... what they are missing out until they've stood where I have. Stuck in this damned country with nothing to do or say to anyone.. but then again I wouldn't have anything else to say anywhere else. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be capable of finding friends who are.. like me. I don't know.. what to do.. who to blame.. or how to run away anymore. I just want to find answers to my questions and die damn it. It's so pointless living this life at times.. and this is one of those times.
But in my heart.. I know I must live on for myself and my loved ones.. even at these moments of times when I feel so low I could literally crumble. I feel like dirt from all this rejection and neglect. Now.. I don't know what I want anymore.. I just day dream wild fantasies hoping they'll come true.. hoping that it'll be enough for my damaged soul to handle.. so that one day it can be fixed again. I know though.. only I can fix myself and no one can mend me but myself... but I still wish for a prince charming or a girl.. a princess who can heal me. Don't think I'll be finding those anytime soon though...
Who knows?..
Well.. regardless.. I don't know what to do right now.. I'm so bored.. and tired..
But in my heart.. I know I must live on for myself and my loved ones.. even at these moments of times when I feel so low I could literally crumble. I feel like dirt from all this rejection and neglect. Now.. I don't know what I want anymore.. I just day dream wild fantasies hoping they'll come true.. hoping that it'll be enough for my damaged soul to handle.. so that one day it can be fixed again. I know though.. only I can fix myself and no one can mend me but myself... but I still wish for a prince charming or a girl.. a princess who can heal me. Don't think I'll be finding those anytime soon though...
Who knows?..
Well.. regardless.. I don't know what to do right now.. I'm so bored.. and tired..