Not a fucking clue.
How can I fear losing you so much again when I don't have you?!?! Is he right? Am I wasting my time? Should I take what little I have left of myself that has yet to have been destroyed and run, save the last bit of hope for happiness the men in my family have or just accept the life he and my father have accepted? She really doesn't understand how much I love her, for the past 6, almost 7 years I have been stuck on her, I've tried moving on, even left the state to try and let her go, as far as California but she has still been on my mind and owned my heart. I have ruined so many relationships with amazing women because I couldn't love them the way they loved me because I still love her. I don't know what to do! I know I'll never be truly happy without her, I've tried, god knows I've truly tried. Hell Dani loved me, she loved me for me, she told me I was beautiful all the time, she wanted me to be happy but she knew... She made the right choice in leaving me because it would have been unfair for her to live a lie with me, for her to settle on me. The more I drink and the more I type I'm starting to fit the pieces. I am my father's son but I'm not sure anymore if I am as strong, I'm getting weaker every day, I don't have much left to wear down, I'm running thin, I'm getting worse.
I have typed and deleted a lot more then I have left because I know eventually you will see this and I don't want... I do t even know. It is what it is, I love you Kaci, you have used my name in enough entries and I have just referred to you as HER or SHE and I don't see the point anymore. I am broken much worse then you know and I am losing my grip... I would love to throw all my cards on the table but I need you to actually want that for it to happen so on his note I say DONE.
I have typed and deleted a lot more then I have left because I know eventually you will see this and I don't want... I do t even know. It is what it is, I love you Kaci, you have used my name in enough entries and I have just referred to you as HER or SHE and I don't see the point anymore. I am broken much worse then you know and I am losing my grip... I would love to throw all my cards on the table but I need you to actually want that for it to happen so on his note I say DONE.