Oneshot| Cracking Foundations| Part 1
“God Barney, I just-I should have known. Or maybe it was that manipulative streak you have in you, but I can’t believe I thought you’d change for th-this- THIS.”
Ted was yelling. Lily could see his face turn red from where she was sitting in the closet, holding her breath. She wasn’t sure what Barney was doing, but he was quieter than she expected and Lily wished he was standing where Ted was instead. It was killing her to not be able to see Barney’s reaction, but she didn’t have to wait for long to hear his voice, low, roiling with something dark underneath the outwardly calm tone.
“This what, Ted. This what? What is ‘this’? Do you mean the ‘this’ that is the bed? Or maybe the ‘this’ that is us standing in my bedroom? Or do you mean the 'this' that is that we’ve been having sex on and off for the past few months? Is that what ‘this’ is? Us fucking?”
“Shut up, Barney! Just shut up, you’re so full of shit. You aren’t even denying that you’ve been screwing around behind my back! I don’t know why I hang out with you. You’re a pathological liar. What do you do when you go to your therapist, huh? Bend over the couch and pull your pants down-"
“Ted-"
“And beg for it? You’re a slut-"
“Ted-"
“-Barney! We’re through. We aren’t doing this anymore. We’re not bros anymore. We're not friends, not wingmen, for real this time. I never want to see your face again.”
“Ted...”
There was a clatter-clink after Ted threw his key at Barney and a slam moments later as Ted stormed out. Lily let out the breath she’d been holding, daring to nudge the door open just a little more so she could check on Barney. He was staring at the floor, suit disheveled and a tumbler of scotch held loosely in one hand. He was trembling, the ice in his drink clinking gently against the glass, and it didn't take long for the glass to slip out of his hand and crack against the floor, an ice cube sliding across the wood to where Lily was hiding.
Barney's eyes narrowed a fraction of a second later and he let out a strangled sound, features twisting as he breathed out the words he couldn't say before.
"...You wouldn't even believe me if I told you nothing happened... would you? Probably not. You never asked for anything more than sex, Ted, and I still gave you everything I had."
His face went red, and he walked out of the room calmer than Lily expected, her breath catching again as she heard the soft click of the bathroom door closing. Part of her brain told her she'd made a terrible mistake, that she ruined everything, and she struggled with herself as she hurried out of the closet in Barney's bedroom to dash to the door. Noise chased her flight from the apartment, a loud crack that made her want to run back and tear the bathroom door open, but she forced herself to keep going, straight home to where Marshall would be waiting and wondering what kept her so long coming home from work.
Lily's hands shook as she hailed a cab home, dread heavy in the pit of her stomach. She had to break them up, she told herself. She had to break Ted and Barney up. It wasn't healthy, what they were doing- sleeping with each other behind everyone's backs- it wasn't healthy for either of them and if this kept happening, neither of them would end up with her and Marshall on their front porch.
This was the right thing to do, she told herself, but then all she could think of was that dark tone lurking in Barney's voice and Ted's harsh words and how none of this was the same as making Ted break up with some girl who didn't fit in with their group.
Barney liked Ted. He loved Ted. He needed Ted.
On one level, Ted-Ted and everyone else really-were the sort of friends that Barney never had before. They made him feel like an individual, almost like he could be himself, though most days he had a hard time knowing who 'himself' actually was and how to get to him through all those walls he put up. They made him feel like there might be someone out there who wanted him without being forced to cope with him, though this feeling came and went and only stayed on the best of days. The feeling that there might be someone who wanted to be friends with a man in his thirties that both never grew up and yet grew up too fast was too much for most people to handle on either extreme.
On this other, darker, deeper level that Barney hated to visit, he knew he needed Ted because Ted was what he thought he might have turned out to be if he'd grown up a little better, or been given a chance to grow up at all really. A dreamer, a guy who was loyal to his friends and who had loyalty from them and wasn't too afraid and broken to really trust. Barney clung to Ted because he was the past, present, and future Barney could never have and as long as he had Ted, Barney could feel like those possibilities-the dreams and the hope and the loyalty-were still available to him.
Barney craved Ted's almost paternal approval, a world of unfulfilled desires that Barney couldn't even begin to fathom. He needed the parts of Ted that complimented his own, even though Ted always seemed to function well enough without him.
But abandoned, now there was a level that Barney loathed- a level of Barney made of nothing but loathing and all for himself. This level of himself was the insidious little voice that ran his failures and shortcomings without a pause. This was the level that told him that he didn't deserve love or anything good, and that even if he did, no one would want to give him love or good things anyways.
So when Ted first proposed this arrangement after a drunken encounter-that they would fuck casually, keep things simple and not tell the others-Barney jumped at this chance. He needed Ted's friendship, his approval, and love, and Barney honestly never thought he'd really get any of that after his initial screw up with and then long pursuit of Robin and lingering resentments thereafter. But then there it was on a silver platter and Barney couldn't help but jump at that opportunity.
It was just casual hooking up now and then when Ted wasn't in a relationship or he was in a serious dry spell, but something in Barney had him treating this deal like a solid relationship. He only slept with Ted. He only got piss drunk with Ted, did what Ted wanted to do. He would leave work at a moment's call and cut out massive chunks of time in his schedule to see Ted, to hook up if the other man wanted to hook up. It wasn't healthy, Barney knew. This wasn't a romance; it wasn't even a casual fling of a relationship. He wasn't stupid or in denial about the nature of this arrangement-goodness knew that he couldn't handle his anxieties with a committed relationship once he had it-but he couldn't help but pull out all the stops in hopes that he could finally get what he so secretly craved.
And now Ted was gone again, and over a pair of men's underwear that Barney had never seen before, and Barney couldn't help but doubt Ted for the first time in their long friendship.
Who was Ted to blow up over who Barney slept with? They weren't exclusive. They never had been, especially when Ted would call up Barney just because some new 'love of Ted's life' wasn't putting out.
Not for the first time, Barney felt like an old toy-so used. Easy to forget and ignore.
It was by accident that she found out that Ted and Barney were hooking up. It was game night- Ted has his newest girl over- and Lily had just gone to get the two men from the roof when she found them together. They were in the middle of getting it on, pants around their ankles and Barney's hand in his mouth to muffle the sounds coming out of he was making as Ted went to town on his ass, and even though Barney was painfully quiet, Ted was not. It was then that Lily realized that this wasn't some one time thing. For one, her friends weren't even drunk, and Ted was saying dirty, dirty, things into Barney's ear.
It was disturbing to think that while Ted was hooking up with Barney on the roof, there was a sweet, shy girl sitting on the couch in Ted's apartment, probably wondering where he'd disappeared off to. It was disturbing to hear the words coming out of Ted's mouth, tone so possessive that Lily could hardly believe that this was the Ted she'd known since college. Oh, the attitude was the same-there was still pretentious, kind of douchey Ted-but she'd never heard him like this, except for well, whenever he told Barney off and if that's what she was hearing, there was something more than wrong with this picture.
It was Ted's stuttered orgasm that told Lily that she'd really stayed too long. Her breath caught as she hurried down the fire escape, and she scrambled to collect herself and keep this her-and their-secret. This wasn't the sort of thing she could just blurt out to Marshall and Robin. It was too personal, too dark a secret and it wasn't her place to say anything.
Someone was going to get hurt.
Someone was probably already hurting and Lily couldn't just let this happen. She would take care not to say anything, but this was something she had to look more into. Ted and Barney were her friends and she just couldn't let this continue.
Barney didn't show up at MacLaren's the next day. Marshall found it odd enough to remark on, "You know, Barney didn't show up at work today either. I went in for a conference call and his office was all dark and locked, and not in the way when he manages to get a hot secretary in there."
Ted scoffed. Lily looked guilty. Both were quiet.
Robin wasn't buying it, "Okay, you two know something." Her eyes focused on Lily, knowing it would be easier to get her best friend to spill, but Lily feigned innocence, and Ted simply shrugged, making up his own excuse.
"It's Barney. He'll turn up. Probably chased some girls at the airport again and got stuck at the airport in Oregon or whatever."
Marshall and Robin laughed, and Lily and Ted did too, but not really. Guilty, angry- respectively- and both of them just wanted to move on from this.
Lily couldn't. Ted seemed fine, but she saw how Barney was the day before and she needed to know that he was okay too-or at least okay enough to make some amount of show of being okay-so she broke out Manipulative Lily and let her scheme up ways to check on Barney as soon as possible.
Ted could. He pulled up the corners of his mouth a little more and laughed too loud. Smiled at the girl who'd been eying him from the back corner booth all night. He didn't think about how this was different from the last time he 'broke up' with Barney. He didn't think about the demands he made and who-cheated-on-who-and-if-it-was-actually-cheating. He did think about ways to avoid the subject of Barney entirely, but he only gave that a second before he nodded at his friends and got up to talk to back booth girl, smile easy and charming.
No one answered the door even when Lily called out in a sweet, simpering voice that she'd accidentally locked herself out of her apartment in only a bathing suit.
Marshall sighed and shrugged, "Sorry, Lilypad. Maybe he's not here. Maybe it's like Ted said. I mean, Barney's got into lots of crazy trouble before-"
"He's here, Marshall! I know he's here, and he's... he's hurt, Marshall."
She started to pound on the door, hoping Barney would decide to answer or that maybe his neighbors would help, the sound of mirrors breaking replaying in her head. Lily had all but dragged Marshall from MacLaren's to that tune after Ted went off on his own. Her knocks got more desperate as she thought about what sort of trouble Barney might have gotten himself into, but eventually Marshall pulled her back and held her, turning her around.
"What's going on, Lil? You know something, and we don't keep secrets." He was patient, but Lily knew he was dying to know and Lily couldn't resist that. She could't resist Marshall.
"Oh, Marshall... I think I messed up. I messed up real bad."
She told him how she caught Ted and Barney on the roof. How she snuck around and followed them to see how deep in this relationship was for them and how it was like Barney and Ted had switched personalities. How Barney was stupidly faithful and Ted had his girlfriends, all up to when she snuck into Barney's apartment and planted the fake evidence.
"I didn't want them to get hurt, but-Look, I don't know about Ted, but I think I hurt Barney real bad."
Marshall was less shocked than Lily expected, going to knock on Barney's door after only a second and nearly falling through when Barney finally answered. Lily felt her heart sink. It hurt to look at him. He seemed to have been in some sort of fight with himself-cuts and bruises poorly tended if at all-and his eyes were haunted, staring straight at Lily.
He'd been listening.
Lily opened her mouth to apologize. She wanted to get past this part quickly so she could help their friend, but he shook his head and stepped back to let them in. The apartment was not much better than the man, they saw, expensive furniture broken or upset, a glimpse of Barney's bed overturned and room of suits in shambles.
Lily felt worse as they made their way in and Barney played the host, righting enough furniture to give them some place to sit before he sighed and drank scotch straight from the bottle.
"Don't worry about this. You were right."
The words were hoarse and hung in the air, but Barney seemed not to notice, "It's... unhealthy. I-this thing with Ted. It was unhealthy."
He was whispering now, trying to make it real to himself even as he explained to them, "Ted shouldn't define my life."
There was no arguing with his tone and Marshall didn't even try, moving instead to take the scotch away from Barney and tend to his wounds. To his credit, Barney didn't fight Marshall, but he wasn't helpful either, stubbornly unresponsive. Lily picked herself up to start cleaning up, heartbreak thrumming through her entire frame.
In the kitchen, where Lily felt the apartment was most absent of a feeling of home, were bottle after bottle of anti-anxiety and antidepressant pills, all of them emptied, little white pills filling the trash. Some had scattered to the floor between bits of broken glass and more spilled alcohol, and it made up Lily's mind.
"Barney." She called, "Barney, you're staying with us for a while. It's not good to be by you- to be in this apartment now."
Barney snorted, "Ted won't like that."
"Does that really matter?" Marshall frowned.
Barney was quiet, thinking over his answer before nodding his head, yes. It mattered a hell of a lot.
Robin knew something was going on. She never saw Barney and Ted at the same time anymore and hell, she hardly saw Barney, period. Lily said he'd been going to other bars, and Robin wanted to ask how the hell she knew that, but somehow, asking seemed taboo.
They didn't discuss this. They didn't discuss Barney, especially not with Ted, and it wasn't until Barney called her that she even had a chance to begin to understand.
He asked her to be his wingman for the night at random a couple of weeks after he stopped going to MacLaren's. They ended up at a gay bar near Lily and Marshall's apartment, but this time Barney didn't seem to care about trying to pick up girls with some ill-advised scheme. They simply sat in a corner and drank while Barney stared at the crowd distractedly.
He was hardly talking to her, and Robin got the distinct impression that Barney just didn't want to be alone, but as bad as she felt, Robin only lasted around ten minutes before being unable to stand the strangeness of the situation.
"Okay, what is going on with you? You're being super quiet and no one will talk about you when we're at MacLaren's. You aren't dying or something are you? And if you are, why the hell wouldn't you tell me?"
He didn't look at her. He didn't even seem to hear her, and he didn't respond for so long Robin wondered if she'd been tuned out again, but then this tired, defeated voice reached her and with a little twist of her stomach she realized that Barney was speaking.
"Didn't you hear? Ted dumped me."
The words were phrased like a joke, but Robin liked to think that she knew Barney better after dating him for so long. She tried to pick apart the context behind the statement but couldn't get past the face value of his words.
"He... dumped you?"
"Yup. Dumped. Our brohood is dissolved."
He sounded much more serious this time, tone darkening, and before Robin could pry further, a flirty, cocky guy sidled up to their table, all smiles and sympathy. He leaned over the booth next to Barney, practically speaking into his ear.
"Aww, your boy dumped you? Must be some loser, dropping a pretty little thing like you."
Robin scoffs, offended for Barney and expecting him to snap at the man-tell him off-but the sharp words never came. Barney let the man persuade him out onto the dance floor and introduce him to other people, let them talk, and touch, and flirt until he eventually left with one of them. A man who looked disturbingly like Ted with obviously impure intentions and the implications of what Barney had said sunk in hard.
Robin was dialing before she even realized she has her phone in her hand and the second Lily answered, questions lined up to burst out.
"Lily, how long were Ted and Barney together?"
Ted never meant to sleep with Barney a first time.
It was a stupid, drunk, accidental one-night stand, except that when Ted woke up in the morning, Barney was still there. He was awake, waiting perhaps, and he told Ted everything that Ted would've asked.
Yes, they slept together. No, it was accident, Ted. They were drunk. No, they didn't have to speak of it again.
But then Ted asked what neither of them expected.
"Did you like it?"
And Barney couldn't lie to him. Barney liked it, but it didn't have to happen again. He would keep his distance if Ted needed, but that was a problem. Drunk as Ted had been, he remembered raw pleasure and something that just felt really fucking great, a burst of pleasure that dissolved into sweet oblivion. Ted hadn't felt that great in a long time.
Maybe it was because Ted didn't have a girlfriend at the time, or maybe it there was still alcohol running through his system, but Ted gave into his impulses. They didn't leave the bedroom for a good, long time.
The encounter opened up this whole new dimension of friendship with Barney. It was no longer just the visceral pleasure of impulse and hedonistic fun that he always ended up having when they hung out. It was no longer the just the hidden care and the sense of having to watch out for this childish man, but there was a new desire unearthed that Ted could take advantage of.
It was these trysts that held Ted over between girlfriends and through life's frustrations. Having sex with Barney made Ted feel good in a way he didn't entirely understand and there was no pressure to ever have to understand it. Casual fucking didn't have to have a whole rhyme and reason to be enjoyed and he ran with that.
And then a date would come up, or a few dates, or a girlfriend, and Ted found himself in a conundrum of his own making. It was wrong to continue having sex with Barrney, definitely wrong, but then Ted would rephrase the terms in his head to appease out his conscience and the next thing Ted knew, he would be in the closet or on the roof with Barney 'blowing off steam'.
It was ridiculous. They didn't talk about this thing. Ted didn't want to. That would make their affair too real and Ted couldn't handle that. They didn't have a thing going on, as far as he was concerned. It was just...
A new activity between bros.
Or something like that. No claims, no definition. Just a thing that didn't really exist. A little, itty, arrangement.
And then he found the underwear in Barney's bed and it was like some switched turned in his head. They couldn't be doing this. If Barney wanted that arrangement with other guys, well-
Fuck him. He could do what he wanted. Ted wasn't going to be a part of it.
"Barney, where are you? Robin called and said you left her at a bar, and... and- you... Have... a meeting! A meeting early tomorrow at work. Shouldn't you prepare for that?"
A scoff, "Please."
"Barney, come on. You missed out on a lot of stuff when you didn't come to work those days. You should be ready to impress."
Excuses, but Marshall listened in when Robin called Lily and told them what was going on. Lily dismissed the information uneasily. She was still too guilty and shook up over how things had gone between Barney and Ted to try to stop Barney from doing something stupid like hooking up with replacement-Teds, but Marshall was not. He would be the first to admit that he usually sided with Ted over disagreements-after all, they'd been friends since college and that did a lot for long-time loyalty obligations-but that didn't mean that Marshall didn't look out for Barney, too.
He knew that sometimes Barney needed more of a friend than Ted was to him, that Barney was, yeah, sometimes a jerk, but always pretty scared and fragile underneath that. Barney needed someone to look after him, and Marshall knew Ted was a little too absorbed in his own problems and snap judgments of people to see how constant Barney's needs were, and to really take care of them. Ted was one of Marshall's best friends- part of the family- but so was Barney, and hell if Marshall didn't take care of his family.
He tried his best to try to steer Barney in the right direction when he started going astray, and now was no different. Barney hooking up with replacement-Teds was not a good direction to be running in at all.
There was a low groan filtering through the phone and a burble of masculine voices and eventually Barney said, "Look, Marshall, I'll be ready. I'll impress the pants off the board. It'll be legen-" a stuttered groan, "dary. Now can we continue this little chat later? I'm kind of in the middle of a couple of somethings right now."
A couple of chuckles reached Marshall and he sighed, "No, Barney, I really think you should get home and rest up. You've had a rough week and now is not the time to drop the ball."
A different voice answered.
"Oh, he won't. We'll take good care of him. Bye-bye now, Marshall."
More chuckling, and the line went dead.
Marshall didn't think he ever wanted to find Ted and punch him so much before. It wasn't just Barney's heartbreak that triggered Marshall's instincts, but this look that Barney usually only got when he was faced with something from his past like when they all found out about his ruined romance with Shannon, or when they found out snatches about what sort of home life Barney had growing up. Lily had been the one to point it out to Marshall the first time, but after that, he couldn't stop seeing it.
Barney was a victim. He covered up well and none of them knew exactly what haunted Barney besides failed commitment, but Ted somehow always managed to break down this wall-inadvertently most of the time- and Barney would be vulnerable again. Sure, Barney was resilient. He bounced back, but this time he wasn't coming back quite right.
He was letting himself become the gullible one-night stand for affection he was missing, and it wasn't like Barney didn't know what he was doing. Barney was a smart guy. He knew people, could read them and figure out how best to get the results that he wanted. But then, Marshall remembered, Barney wasn't so good at dealing with his own emotions, and knowing what to do when he felt anything but anger. He was disabled, and Marshall wished he'd remembered this fact earlier-early enough to tell Robin to look out for their friend, or at least early enough to protect Barney on his own.
Marshall sighed and put the phone away, eyes closed when Lily made her way to him quietly, wrapping those thin arms of hers around his waist. "Sometimes... things have to get worse before they get better," she said.
The cliché filled the silence that followed. Marshall had no doubt that this was at least partially true. At this rate, things could only get worse. He just hoped they would eventually get better.
To Part 2