[Chapter Fic] Somewhere Over the Rainbow (III)
“Excuse me? No. No. You probably helped them bring me where ever the hell we are, you effeminate asshole! You tell me what I’m doing here!”
Heechul raises his eyebrows in surprise, looking over Changmin appreciatively.
“Mm, well, I can’t say you’re well-dressed, but I do have to say… you are sexy angry.”
The look that appears on Changmin’s features says everything of frying Heechul with his mind alone and Heechul is inclined to believe that it can happen so he shuffles away discreetly in the guise of a ridiculous bow. He laughs nervously.
“Well, it’s not every day that we have someone so handsome and horribly dressed as you appear in the realm of Odd. Perhaps-“ Heechul gropes for a reason, “Oh! Perhaps you are supposed to free us from… my wicked, wicked counterpart! The Reasonably-Ungood Sorcerer Kangin!”
Heechul compliments himself. The reason is just so ridiculous that it might be true.
Changmin’s expression says that he doesn’t agree.
“Excuse me? What the hell sort of game are you playing, Heechul? Is this get-drunk-and-subject-Changmin-to-a-mindfuck day? I hate all of you!”
Heechul’s stunned, to say the least, but he recovers quickly, hand bracing his hip as he looks at Changmin squarely, “Hey! I don’t know who the hell you are, or what you’re doing here, but I am not screwing with you and I definitely don’t know how you know my name, but I suggest you tell me before I fry your ass!”
Changmin’s returning glare iss more than a match for Heechul’s fervor, “Well, Heechul, let’s do a reality check here. Uh, one, I know your name because, oh, I don’t know, we just happen to work in the same company together; two, we have mutual friends and last time I checked, we were on friendly terms with each other; and three, this whole thing’s been in existence for more than six years.”
“What?”
They stare at each other and all at once, they know there’s some serious shit going on.
Heechul clears his throat tentatively and rolls his wand between his fingers, clearing his throat listlessly, “Uh. Okay, well, once again, I don’t know where the hell you came from, but as far as I know, I’ve never worked with or even seen you before and I think you might be as crazy as you are cute.”
A moment of insanity overtakes Changmin and he lifts Mangdong from his manpurse and pouts at her tremulously.
“Mangdongie, Mangdongie, we really aren’t in Seoul anymore are we? Of all the times for the guys to not be playing a horrible joke, this isn’t one of them and I’m stuck with this fairy-ass version of Heechul in this godforsaken crayola-puke colored world with none of those minions I live with around, aren’t I?”
Mandongie yips and licks his nose and Changmin takes it as a sign that it’s time to despair.
Changmin sniffles, “But… but, Mangdongie, who am I going to kill for this now?”
More yipping. Changmin realizes abruptly that it’s neither helpful nor entirely sane to listen to, so he places the little dog back into his manpurse and looks at Heechul with some semblance of confidence, “I’ve reached a conclusion.”
Heechul looks up from his nails, “Oh?”
“Yes, a conclusion. Several, in fact. I’m really not home anymore, you aren’t the Heechul I know, this world looks like vomit, I don’t know where the hell I am, and um, Magic.”
Heechul raises a perfect eyebrow, “Magic?”
Changmin nods, “Yes, Magic. As in, there must be some Magic around that brought me to this terrible place.”
Heechul chooses not to take offense but puts a mental ‘douche-marker’ next to Changmin’s face and outwardly nods in agreement, clearing his throat before waving his wand with a flourish and a bright smile, “Well, in that case, Welcome to the Land of Odd, where the colors are garish, the people bizarre and our great Leadershii the Greatest and Handsomest of all! Who is it that I’m addressing?”
Changmin twitched ever so slightly and cleared his throat, “Shim Changmin, but I wanna get the hell out of here.”
Heechul nods again. Everything’s working out so nicely for him; Yunho must be happy.
“Well, Shim Changmin, I have a solution for you, or really, our great and powerful Leadershii does. You should go and see him for a solution to your plight!”
“But however will I find him?”
The words are cheesy and dramatic, but Changmin ignores it. He’s not going to stop just because of a little cheese- somehow, it feels like the right way to speak anyways.
Heechul flounces over to a grey spiral in between them, pouting at it, “Just follow the Cinder-block Road.”
Changmin raises an incredulous eyebrow and snorts, “Cinderblocks? What the hell, shouldn’t it be made out of gold or bricks at least?”
Heechul smiled tightly, “Leadershii is Great, but he is Cheap as well.”
His eyes speak of it as a personal grievance and he fusses with the streamers on his wand with a pointed sigh. He looks up again when he sees that Changmin’s making no attempt at any sort of following.
“What the hell is wrong now? The freaking road is self-explanatory, do I have to tell you how to walk too?!”
-
Miles away, Yunho and Donghae wince from where they’re watching the scene from the scrying glass. They somewhat regret forgetting about Heechul’s temper.
As if Heechul might hear, Donghae leans in and whispers, “D’you think getting him fixed might help with the aggression?”
Yunho glances at Heechul’s astoundingly flowery image in the bowl and shakes his head gravely, “I’m afraid it’s a lost cause, Donghae.”
Donghae bursts into dramatic soap-opera-grade tears.
-
“Fucktard. How the hell do you expect me to walk on that? It’s crooked and full of corners. I don’t even have shoes on!” Changmin snarks back, snarling and slapping down the kilt around his legs when a wind picks up.
Heechuls snarls at him and strides over to the legs protruding out from the chunk of apartment Changmin came from. Heechul swears violently when one of them jerks to his at his privates, slapping them with the technicolor platforms he plucks from the feet., holding them out at arms length with two fingers out to Changmin.
“Here.”
Changmin stares at the kitschy things and feels his eyes retreat into his head a little.
“What. Are those.”
Heechul forces a smile, but it looks more like his mouth is trying to slither off his face.
“D-designer technicolor platforms! One of a kind! Take them!”
There’s an ‘or else’ hidden in the silence, but Changmin rolls his eyes and uses on off Mangdongie’s paws to push them away. The ugly might be contagious. Heechul thrusts them back at Changmin with a deranged sort of insistence, but the resulting glare on Changmin’s features makes him take them back a little.
Heechul’s temper then rears it’s glamorous head.
“What the hell, do you want to get to the Great Leadershii or what?”
“Let me use your bubble!”
“You’re too freaking tall! Get your own!”
“Like hell it is!”
“Just wear the freaking shoes!”
“Call me hyung then!”
“Hyung!”
Changmin’s mouth opens and closes. By the look of it, honorifics don’t exist in the land of Odd. Letting lose a roar, Changmin stalks behind a large tree and goes through a round of ‘pulling the weeds in anger.’
After a few minutes, he emerges from a pile of shredded vegetation and dirt, holding his hand out for the shoes. Changmin tries not to look down at his feet too much while he puts them on, but the platforms are just so loud, he swears he can hear them screaming for his attention.
Heechul claps his hands together, pleased, “They fit perfectly! Now get walking, he’s waiting to ravish you!”
“Pardon?”
“Figure of speech!”
Grumbling, Changmin steps out where the Cinderblock road finally uncurls from its initial spiral, trying to walk in the hideous shoes, but Heechul’s hand on his shoulder stops him.
“Hey, you didn’t start at the beginning.” Heechul points at the middle of the spiral. Changmin burns holes through him with his eyes.
“Why? This is the part of the road that goes somewhere. I’m following, like you said.”
“I said follow, not cheat.”
Taking a calming deep breath, Changmin counts to ten and then walks over to the beginning of the spiral with large exaggerated steps, glaring at Heechul on every turn until he’s back where he started in the first place.
It’s a good thing that Changmin refuses to look back after that, Heechul muses as he flicks his wand to make a little gust of wind blow the back of Changmin’s kilt up.
“Oh, yeah. Yunho will definitely enjoy that ass.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I will most likely be alternating updating chapters of this and my other HoMin chapter fic, Ticker. In case you wanted to know. I'll see how it works out.
Heechul raises his eyebrows in surprise, looking over Changmin appreciatively.
“Mm, well, I can’t say you’re well-dressed, but I do have to say… you are sexy angry.”
The look that appears on Changmin’s features says everything of frying Heechul with his mind alone and Heechul is inclined to believe that it can happen so he shuffles away discreetly in the guise of a ridiculous bow. He laughs nervously.
“Well, it’s not every day that we have someone so handsome and horribly dressed as you appear in the realm of Odd. Perhaps-“ Heechul gropes for a reason, “Oh! Perhaps you are supposed to free us from… my wicked, wicked counterpart! The Reasonably-Ungood Sorcerer Kangin!”
Heechul compliments himself. The reason is just so ridiculous that it might be true.
Changmin’s expression says that he doesn’t agree.
“Excuse me? What the hell sort of game are you playing, Heechul? Is this get-drunk-and-subject-Changmin-to-a-mindfuck day? I hate all of you!”
Heechul’s stunned, to say the least, but he recovers quickly, hand bracing his hip as he looks at Changmin squarely, “Hey! I don’t know who the hell you are, or what you’re doing here, but I am not screwing with you and I definitely don’t know how you know my name, but I suggest you tell me before I fry your ass!”
Changmin’s returning glare iss more than a match for Heechul’s fervor, “Well, Heechul, let’s do a reality check here. Uh, one, I know your name because, oh, I don’t know, we just happen to work in the same company together; two, we have mutual friends and last time I checked, we were on friendly terms with each other; and three, this whole thing’s been in existence for more than six years.”
“What?”
They stare at each other and all at once, they know there’s some serious shit going on.
Heechul clears his throat tentatively and rolls his wand between his fingers, clearing his throat listlessly, “Uh. Okay, well, once again, I don’t know where the hell you came from, but as far as I know, I’ve never worked with or even seen you before and I think you might be as crazy as you are cute.”
A moment of insanity overtakes Changmin and he lifts Mangdong from his manpurse and pouts at her tremulously.
“Mangdongie, Mangdongie, we really aren’t in Seoul anymore are we? Of all the times for the guys to not be playing a horrible joke, this isn’t one of them and I’m stuck with this fairy-ass version of Heechul in this godforsaken crayola-puke colored world with none of those minions I live with around, aren’t I?”
Mandongie yips and licks his nose and Changmin takes it as a sign that it’s time to despair.
Changmin sniffles, “But… but, Mangdongie, who am I going to kill for this now?”
More yipping. Changmin realizes abruptly that it’s neither helpful nor entirely sane to listen to, so he places the little dog back into his manpurse and looks at Heechul with some semblance of confidence, “I’ve reached a conclusion.”
Heechul looks up from his nails, “Oh?”
“Yes, a conclusion. Several, in fact. I’m really not home anymore, you aren’t the Heechul I know, this world looks like vomit, I don’t know where the hell I am, and um, Magic.”
Heechul raises a perfect eyebrow, “Magic?”
Changmin nods, “Yes, Magic. As in, there must be some Magic around that brought me to this terrible place.”
Heechul chooses not to take offense but puts a mental ‘douche-marker’ next to Changmin’s face and outwardly nods in agreement, clearing his throat before waving his wand with a flourish and a bright smile, “Well, in that case, Welcome to the Land of Odd, where the colors are garish, the people bizarre and our great Leadershii the Greatest and Handsomest of all! Who is it that I’m addressing?”
Changmin twitched ever so slightly and cleared his throat, “Shim Changmin, but I wanna get the hell out of here.”
Heechul nods again. Everything’s working out so nicely for him; Yunho must be happy.
“Well, Shim Changmin, I have a solution for you, or really, our great and powerful Leadershii does. You should go and see him for a solution to your plight!”
“But however will I find him?”
The words are cheesy and dramatic, but Changmin ignores it. He’s not going to stop just because of a little cheese- somehow, it feels like the right way to speak anyways.
Heechul flounces over to a grey spiral in between them, pouting at it, “Just follow the Cinder-block Road.”
Changmin raises an incredulous eyebrow and snorts, “Cinderblocks? What the hell, shouldn’t it be made out of gold or bricks at least?”
Heechul smiled tightly, “Leadershii is Great, but he is Cheap as well.”
His eyes speak of it as a personal grievance and he fusses with the streamers on his wand with a pointed sigh. He looks up again when he sees that Changmin’s making no attempt at any sort of following.
“What the hell is wrong now? The freaking road is self-explanatory, do I have to tell you how to walk too?!”
-
Miles away, Yunho and Donghae wince from where they’re watching the scene from the scrying glass. They somewhat regret forgetting about Heechul’s temper.
As if Heechul might hear, Donghae leans in and whispers, “D’you think getting him fixed might help with the aggression?”
Yunho glances at Heechul’s astoundingly flowery image in the bowl and shakes his head gravely, “I’m afraid it’s a lost cause, Donghae.”
Donghae bursts into dramatic soap-opera-grade tears.
-
“Fucktard. How the hell do you expect me to walk on that? It’s crooked and full of corners. I don’t even have shoes on!” Changmin snarks back, snarling and slapping down the kilt around his legs when a wind picks up.
Heechuls snarls at him and strides over to the legs protruding out from the chunk of apartment Changmin came from. Heechul swears violently when one of them jerks to his at his privates, slapping them with the technicolor platforms he plucks from the feet., holding them out at arms length with two fingers out to Changmin.
“Here.”
Changmin stares at the kitschy things and feels his eyes retreat into his head a little.
“What. Are those.”
Heechul forces a smile, but it looks more like his mouth is trying to slither off his face.
“D-designer technicolor platforms! One of a kind! Take them!”
There’s an ‘or else’ hidden in the silence, but Changmin rolls his eyes and uses on off Mangdongie’s paws to push them away. The ugly might be contagious. Heechul thrusts them back at Changmin with a deranged sort of insistence, but the resulting glare on Changmin’s features makes him take them back a little.
Heechul’s temper then rears it’s glamorous head.
“What the hell, do you want to get to the Great Leadershii or what?”
“Let me use your bubble!”
“You’re too freaking tall! Get your own!”
“Like hell it is!”
“Just wear the freaking shoes!”
“Call me hyung then!”
“Hyung!”
Changmin’s mouth opens and closes. By the look of it, honorifics don’t exist in the land of Odd. Letting lose a roar, Changmin stalks behind a large tree and goes through a round of ‘pulling the weeds in anger.’
After a few minutes, he emerges from a pile of shredded vegetation and dirt, holding his hand out for the shoes. Changmin tries not to look down at his feet too much while he puts them on, but the platforms are just so loud, he swears he can hear them screaming for his attention.
Heechul claps his hands together, pleased, “They fit perfectly! Now get walking, he’s waiting to ravish you!”
“Pardon?”
“Figure of speech!”
Grumbling, Changmin steps out where the Cinderblock road finally uncurls from its initial spiral, trying to walk in the hideous shoes, but Heechul’s hand on his shoulder stops him.
“Hey, you didn’t start at the beginning.” Heechul points at the middle of the spiral. Changmin burns holes through him with his eyes.
“Why? This is the part of the road that goes somewhere. I’m following, like you said.”
“I said follow, not cheat.”
Taking a calming deep breath, Changmin counts to ten and then walks over to the beginning of the spiral with large exaggerated steps, glaring at Heechul on every turn until he’s back where he started in the first place.
It’s a good thing that Changmin refuses to look back after that, Heechul muses as he flicks his wand to make a little gust of wind blow the back of Changmin’s kilt up.
“Oh, yeah. Yunho will definitely enjoy that ass.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I will most likely be alternating updating chapters of this and my other HoMin chapter fic, Ticker. In case you wanted to know. I'll see how it works out.