[Oneshot] It's the End of the World as we Know It
“Hey, I have some news, but you have to promise not to kill me first…”
Jaejoong rushes into the kitchen, looking irritated but at the same time, somewhat unconcerned. An uneasy tremor ran through the rest of them. It was too damn early for any of Jaejoong’s ‘news.’ Yunho, however, being the obligatory voice of responsibility, tries to crack a little smile, making no promises of nonviolence.
“Y-yes, Jae?”
Yunho’s inner little girl is running around in panicked circles by now, but he does his best not to cry.
And then Jaejoong opens his mouth.
“I lost my phone.”
And all hell breaks lose.
-
Thankfully, for Jaejoong anyways, Yunho insists that they not kill him. Jaejoong is, for all of his [insert explitive here], another pair of eyes and ears and hands-
But mostly, a useful bargaining piece in the unfortunate case that fans have gotten their stalkerish little hands on them.
The apartment is promptly turned upside down, shaken out and put back again, the SM building scoured, and a plethora of studios called. Eventually, there is nothing to do but wait for news.
There are a few weak attempt to reinstate calm, but the last one dissolves completely when Changmin of all people breaks out in tears, yelling, “I’m going to rip off your balls with rusty scissors if people see me in that fucking skirt Jaejoong!”
A profound silence follows. Followed further by a much less profound immature giggle.
Changmin promptly kills them all dead in his mind.
-
After three days, much despair, and a lengthy conversation about what Jaejoong wanted on his tombstone when they got their hands on him, a sort of resigned calm pervades the atmosphere.
Yes, they are doomed; yes, people will finally see just what it’s like to be a fly on the wall in their apartment; yes, they probably will get listings for porn; but somehow, none of it seems to matter.
And now-
“Jae. What is that.”
Yoochun says it flatly, frowning at the box on the table.
Jaejoong's standing next to it.
Texting.
“My phone. Hyunjoong fixed the ba-“
“YUNHO! CHANGMIN! JUNSU! GET SOME FUCKING STICKS, WE’RE KILLING HIM!”
Deer in the headlights expression. Jaejoong tips over some chairs in their way and runs for his life.
-
The next day is, more or less, back to normal.
Yunho passes a bowl of rice to Junsu at breakfast while Yoochun sleeps happily at the table and Changmin reads the paper.
They pay no attention to the wriggling sack-full-of-Jaejoong hanging by a thread from the coat hooks in the living room, begging for mercy and trying desperately to explain.
Yes, all is back to normal at casa del Dong Bang. And yes, they have destroyed Jaejoong’s phone.