(no subject)
First fic to speak of!
Fandom: DBSK
Pairings: Jaeho, Yoosu, and a slight, barely-there, unintentional Jaesu
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: Am I rich? No. Then I definitely don't own them.
Summary: Jaejoong thinks about being in love.
Onwards!
Sometimes, Jaejoong wishes that they could all go back to when being in love was easy...
Then he has to laugh mirthlessly at his foolishness because love has never been easy for them.
Jaejoong remembers the confusion- not just of being tails over tongue in love- but of falling that crazy in love with a guy that he was supposed to be in a band with; eat with; sleep with; spend every moment of the day with.
He remembers the realizations that they weren't allowed to feel any such thing if they wanted to continue working in showbiz together.
He remembers horrible, warming instant connections between band members, made torturous with too-long touches and queasy smiles.
He remembers the stares that could only barely be passed of as blatant admiration and the tones that were only a little less than longing.
He remembers that first heated kisses that they all shared in close spaces and having to watch as walls began to fall around him and being able to do nothing as Junsu buried himself in hate a little more of more reasons than difficulties with his voice.
He remembers the stolen moments after practice, fragments of small talk and the final feeling of falling far to deep to even hope of swimming to safety.
Then they debuted and the present shifted into place.
The romance still takes place off the records, complete with secret outings and sordid nights of panting
The only walls left between them are the ones they keep to stop the public from finding out. Of course, the fans aren't blind or stupid and since they are neither the walls are of little use to them anyways. No matter what they do the questions will always hang in the air with their families and SME will always have them under close watch.
Now there are nights of frustrated screaming, dangerously loaded silence, and sleeping on counters with the smothering silence of futility echoing through their apartment. Right beside them are the nights of sympathetic comfort and of too many tears to count. The two hardly ever seem to happen exclusively, but then again, Changmin points out smartly that correlation does not necessarily indicate causation and when tensions are as high as they always seem to be, Jaejoong thinks this that this might be true.
These times are always so trying.
They have their struggles to stay in love and not to give in to the overwhelming tide and Jaejoong knows that this will never change.
He knows that day after day to come he'll be to exhausted to give Yunho the proper goodnight that he craves and deserves.
He knows that touches will always linger too long out of wanting and fall away to quickly out of fear and caution.
He knows that all their hearts will break again and again as Junsu's eyes dim a little more when Yoochun breaks up with him for the umpteenth time to "spare them both the tears and pain, " and how they'll wish they could hate the baritone for coming back to what he left because he can't stay away for too long.
Jaejoong knows that they'll be powerless to stop Junsu from taking Yoochun back and being hurt again because they know far too well how he feels.
He knows too, that it's a vicious cycle that none of them will escape. He has to remember to lock up the knives and lose the key because their situation would make anyone desperate.
He just isn't sure who'll crack first. He doesn't want to know, but he hopes that the answer to that question isn't him.
At this point, Jaejoong thinks that maybe Changmin really is the smartest of them all because he's chosen not to get involved in forbidden secret affairs more than he already is by living with the rest of them. But Jaejoong stops himself here because he can see that trying to feel nothing when you feel so much kills you just as well as feeling everything and clutching at straws that have moved far beyond your reach.
Falling in love, Jaejoong reflects, sucks. Hard.
It's desperate, terrible, futile, and, in their cases, nearly suicidal.
He has to wonder why in the world they chose to go along with it anyways.
But suddenly Yunho appears from nowhere and hugs him from behind and somewhere to the side he hears Junsu's delighted giggle as Yoochun does the same for him.
Sitting there in his lover's arms with his friends nearby, it doesn't take long for Jaejoong to forget about his musings and smile because right now, love feels good and and too damn easy to be in.
~*~ X3 ~*~
Errrr.... done...!
Gosh, I'm so sorry that this is so crappy and that this is all i have to offer this comm and that this is so crappy. I know that there are places where I don't flow and probably confusing places and... and... gah... I suck.
Writing this, I remember the extras from "O" where Junsu is talking about Jaejoong and says that he believes that Joongie is the deepest out of all of them.
Ummm.... errr... I guess that's it, I doubt I could do much more and, oh I have so many stories in my head and would be much obliged to post them if I'm remotely okay at this and err... comments? ::passes out from anxiety::
Fandom: DBSK
Pairings: Jaeho, Yoosu, and a slight, barely-there, unintentional Jaesu
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: Am I rich? No. Then I definitely don't own them.
Summary: Jaejoong thinks about being in love.
Onwards!
Sometimes, Jaejoong wishes that they could all go back to when being in love was easy...
Then he has to laugh mirthlessly at his foolishness because love has never been easy for them.
Jaejoong remembers the confusion- not just of being tails over tongue in love- but of falling that crazy in love with a guy that he was supposed to be in a band with; eat with; sleep with; spend every moment of the day with.
He remembers the realizations that they weren't allowed to feel any such thing if they wanted to continue working in showbiz together.
He remembers horrible, warming instant connections between band members, made torturous with too-long touches and queasy smiles.
He remembers the stares that could only barely be passed of as blatant admiration and the tones that were only a little less than longing.
He remembers that first heated kisses that they all shared in close spaces and having to watch as walls began to fall around him and being able to do nothing as Junsu buried himself in hate a little more of more reasons than difficulties with his voice.
He remembers the stolen moments after practice, fragments of small talk and the final feeling of falling far to deep to even hope of swimming to safety.
Then they debuted and the present shifted into place.
The romance still takes place off the records, complete with secret outings and sordid nights of panting
The only walls left between them are the ones they keep to stop the public from finding out. Of course, the fans aren't blind or stupid and since they are neither the walls are of little use to them anyways. No matter what they do the questions will always hang in the air with their families and SME will always have them under close watch.
Now there are nights of frustrated screaming, dangerously loaded silence, and sleeping on counters with the smothering silence of futility echoing through their apartment. Right beside them are the nights of sympathetic comfort and of too many tears to count. The two hardly ever seem to happen exclusively, but then again, Changmin points out smartly that correlation does not necessarily indicate causation and when tensions are as high as they always seem to be, Jaejoong thinks this that this might be true.
These times are always so trying.
They have their struggles to stay in love and not to give in to the overwhelming tide and Jaejoong knows that this will never change.
He knows that day after day to come he'll be to exhausted to give Yunho the proper goodnight that he craves and deserves.
He knows that touches will always linger too long out of wanting and fall away to quickly out of fear and caution.
He knows that all their hearts will break again and again as Junsu's eyes dim a little more when Yoochun breaks up with him for the umpteenth time to "spare them both the tears and pain, " and how they'll wish they could hate the baritone for coming back to what he left because he can't stay away for too long.
Jaejoong knows that they'll be powerless to stop Junsu from taking Yoochun back and being hurt again because they know far too well how he feels.
He knows too, that it's a vicious cycle that none of them will escape. He has to remember to lock up the knives and lose the key because their situation would make anyone desperate.
He just isn't sure who'll crack first. He doesn't want to know, but he hopes that the answer to that question isn't him.
At this point, Jaejoong thinks that maybe Changmin really is the smartest of them all because he's chosen not to get involved in forbidden secret affairs more than he already is by living with the rest of them. But Jaejoong stops himself here because he can see that trying to feel nothing when you feel so much kills you just as well as feeling everything and clutching at straws that have moved far beyond your reach.
Falling in love, Jaejoong reflects, sucks. Hard.
It's desperate, terrible, futile, and, in their cases, nearly suicidal.
He has to wonder why in the world they chose to go along with it anyways.
But suddenly Yunho appears from nowhere and hugs him from behind and somewhere to the side he hears Junsu's delighted giggle as Yoochun does the same for him.
Sitting there in his lover's arms with his friends nearby, it doesn't take long for Jaejoong to forget about his musings and smile because right now, love feels good and and too damn easy to be in.
~*~ X3 ~*~
Errrr.... done...!
Gosh, I'm so sorry that this is so crappy and that this is all i have to offer this comm and that this is so crappy. I know that there are places where I don't flow and probably confusing places and... and... gah... I suck.
Writing this, I remember the extras from "O" where Junsu is talking about Jaejoong and says that he believes that Joongie is the deepest out of all of them.
Ummm.... errr... I guess that's it, I doubt I could do much more and, oh I have so many stories in my head and would be much obliged to post them if I'm remotely okay at this and err... comments? ::passes out from anxiety::