this is long, but important if you want to know the real jesse
i just have so much emotion that i can't express it. i am writting this on live journal so every one knows that if i do not smile at them, or laugh it is not them but me. i am going through many things right now that i have tried to suppress but it has gotten to the point where i can not hide it anymore.
i just feel empty, and full, and tired of life. i want a new one. i know your guys will be like, oh i so know what you mean but you don't. i don't like smiling, laughing, or being with the people i have spent much of my time thinking about anymore. i really don't know why. i hurts, i just feel like i have no control. i don't want to say this but it keeps coming to mind; i just want to die. i don't want to have to do it, but i want this to end, life. it is not enjoyable anymore. everything is grey, their is no color. i am to tired to cry from doing it so much before. i am to weak to do anything, i am to fed up. i just want to scream and punch someone really hard and watch the affect that i had on them. i want things to be different, to still have hope for atleast one thing. i did, but He took it away from me.
not even writting this makes me better, what i am saying is not even what i really want to get out because i really don't kow what i want to get off my chest. but all i do know is that my chest literally hurts from all this pain. i don't want to breath tomorrow. god, just stop, fuck man, i can't do this. i can't handle it anymore, it is too much for me. please, just let something good, or just orginized happen. something needs to come together or i will break.
don't be hurt or worried that i will do anything drastic, i am in no means going to do anything rash i just need to vent because i never express how i really feel. i am not even doing it now. there is just so much i never say so much i leave inside. i am so fake that i have become that person, and left me behind. or maybe not, maybe i am really that person and this is not me. i don't know i am so confused. i want to curl up in a ball and have people forget about me. i don't want to be happy anymore, i have given up trying. i am doing everything in my life just to get through it. then i can go home and forget everything and one. you guys have been great this year, i have felt so included, but i am just being weird...it is me. i used to love being with people, but now i don't even want to say hi to my mom. i just want to sit in bed. so forget about me, i am no good anymore, i warn you now. i am done.
i just feel empty, and full, and tired of life. i want a new one. i know your guys will be like, oh i so know what you mean but you don't. i don't like smiling, laughing, or being with the people i have spent much of my time thinking about anymore. i really don't know why. i hurts, i just feel like i have no control. i don't want to say this but it keeps coming to mind; i just want to die. i don't want to have to do it, but i want this to end, life. it is not enjoyable anymore. everything is grey, their is no color. i am to tired to cry from doing it so much before. i am to weak to do anything, i am to fed up. i just want to scream and punch someone really hard and watch the affect that i had on them. i want things to be different, to still have hope for atleast one thing. i did, but He took it away from me.
not even writting this makes me better, what i am saying is not even what i really want to get out because i really don't kow what i want to get off my chest. but all i do know is that my chest literally hurts from all this pain. i don't want to breath tomorrow. god, just stop, fuck man, i can't do this. i can't handle it anymore, it is too much for me. please, just let something good, or just orginized happen. something needs to come together or i will break.
don't be hurt or worried that i will do anything drastic, i am in no means going to do anything rash i just need to vent because i never express how i really feel. i am not even doing it now. there is just so much i never say so much i leave inside. i am so fake that i have become that person, and left me behind. or maybe not, maybe i am really that person and this is not me. i don't know i am so confused. i want to curl up in a ball and have people forget about me. i don't want to be happy anymore, i have given up trying. i am doing everything in my life just to get through it. then i can go home and forget everything and one. you guys have been great this year, i have felt so included, but i am just being weird...it is me. i used to love being with people, but now i don't even want to say hi to my mom. i just want to sit in bed. so forget about me, i am no good anymore, i warn you now. i am done.