awesome
hy sal wees by die deur vanaand
Man, my return to livejournal land and it's because I just need to vent about random crap and there's no one to talk to. Well, I take that back. I have cool friends, they'll listen to me, no questions about that, but I don't like to be the person whining about all the dumb little, inconsequential things that are going on in life. People are losing their jobs, Iceland's entire economy is failing and the country is bankrupt, etc. and I'm on here talking about how I don't make the pay grade that I probably should be and that girls don't like me. I basically sound like a 14 year old with a larger vocabulary...
And I don't like being that person (he reiterates again, and then comments on the use of "reiterates again," because he doesn't think it actually makes sense... he could just delete it, but he likes it, and it gives him a chance to talk about himself in 3rd person, which is always fun). Haha, I mean, seriously, just running through that little idiotic exercise made me feel better / took my mind off things.
Probably one of the cooler things about my current situation is that any time I want to complain about my job, it's awesome because my roommate works at the same place I do, is the owner's son, and while not my boss or over me is pretty high up in the company. It's not that I can't talk to him about stuff, I can, and he's an awesome friend, pretty much my best actually, it's just awkward for me at times. Awkward's not the right word, but I can't really think of one. That's probably just another symptom of my current mindset though. It's not necessarily that I have super terrible things going on or whatever, but it seems like a lot and it's difficult to handle at the moment.
Bulleted list:
-Mom's cancer is back for the 3rd time. Went up to visit the family at Christmas and she's looking a little rough. Not bad, just skinny and a little frail looking. But she's still the tough lady that I know and love. It's just weird worrying about my parents.
-Job. Fun stuff there. Situations surrounding new people, situations surrounding pay level and being hourly, other things, working 6 days a week, stress... Year/month end is always a fun time, plus dealing with a new business because one we used to use is filing for bankruptcy, working through lunch but getting one taken out anyway. It's a job, and I'm really thankful that I have one and that my lifestyle doesn't have to change or anything during these times. It's just one of those things I guess...
-Girls. At least I've recently learned that "I'm not looking to date anyone" actually means "I don't want to date you." Life would be a lot easier if people when ahead and let everyone else know what was going on in their hearts/minds. On the upside, I get to watch her and this guy who just appeared in her life get super close. Oh how exciting it must be to be a really attractive guy... (On the bright side, after telling a friend of mine "I'd date you if you weren't taken" I received a "I'd date you if I wasn't dating anyone" back later that evening. Also, a friend of mine just told me she loved me (friendship-wise) and that was amazing to hear)...
-Japan. I applied to go teach there for a year. The job would start in May of next year if I got it. It's a really long process, and they don't even send you a confirmation letter letting you know they've received your application until January sometime. I mean, I know they got it because I've got the signature of the receptionist, but I don't know if I did everything right, if I filled in everything, if I left stuff out, added stuff I shouldn't have in, ahh... It was a really large, time consuming and detail-specific application.
And all of this, plus other random day-to-day happenings, combine to form one super-awesome ::insert large word here:: of depression? Anxiety? I'm not sure what the right word is for it (again).
Also, he'll probably show up and surprise her tonight. That's what I would do anyway.
One of my friends the other night told me that he didn't think I was a happy person and said "let's get you on the road to being happy" (or something like that). I started getting all emotional for a second but then just laughed it off, of course, because I use humor to deflect people from examining me too closely (I'm the counselor, I'm the person people go to because they're not strong enough, I do the comforting - not that I HAVE to have/be those roles, but I take them because very few others will. I like being able to be that for my friends... It just bites me in the ass when I get like this is all), but later that week I started thinking more about it. I mean, am I happy? It depends. And I know it's not supposed to be like that.
See, there's this part of me that KNOWS that (I'm about to get all religious here, I apologize) I'm supposed to get my joy, comfort and everything else from God. But I don't, and I'm not sure why I can't. For me, it's always been, well, not a struggle for me to strengthen my relationship with God, but it's never been the walk through the park some of my friends make it out to be. And it's not like it's because it's a difficult thing to do. It's not easy, but it's not like it's anything even remotely out of reach for me. I think college really did a number on me, in multiple ways. There was the whole awesome depression thing, the watching God take away things from me (and very few, if any, were great things... I felt like He was getting me ready for something, I just never saw anything from it, although that could just be because I'm not looking hard enough), being there too long, hating everything about being there by the end of my time at school... it wasn't fun. But anyway, I never really got back the connection that I had in high school. Now it's just like "oh man, I'm too tired" "I'll do it in the morning" "I'll do it at church" "I work 6 days a week, I'll just sleep in this Sunday" etc... It's totally my fault, I'll admit that to anyone. See, this is why I like walking through this with myself, I get to places like that where I actually come to terms with the things that are bothering me...
Anyway, I've got this SUPER awesome party to go to tonight. At least all my friends are engaged, married, dating, whatever... Well, not all of them, but probably a large percentage, at least in the 90s... blah. And then more fun this weekend... /sigh. My life isn't really bad, but to me, it's rough at times...
So that's that. I've got to get ready now. Will I be back here to update more? Who knows. Sometimes I even forget that I have this thing. But it's a good way to get my brain out there without messing up someone's day... (:
But yeah, have a Happy New Year tonight everyone! Be safe, drive safe, all that jazz...
Night...
Man, my return to livejournal land and it's because I just need to vent about random crap and there's no one to talk to. Well, I take that back. I have cool friends, they'll listen to me, no questions about that, but I don't like to be the person whining about all the dumb little, inconsequential things that are going on in life. People are losing their jobs, Iceland's entire economy is failing and the country is bankrupt, etc. and I'm on here talking about how I don't make the pay grade that I probably should be and that girls don't like me. I basically sound like a 14 year old with a larger vocabulary...
And I don't like being that person (he reiterates again, and then comments on the use of "reiterates again," because he doesn't think it actually makes sense... he could just delete it, but he likes it, and it gives him a chance to talk about himself in 3rd person, which is always fun). Haha, I mean, seriously, just running through that little idiotic exercise made me feel better / took my mind off things.
Probably one of the cooler things about my current situation is that any time I want to complain about my job, it's awesome because my roommate works at the same place I do, is the owner's son, and while not my boss or over me is pretty high up in the company. It's not that I can't talk to him about stuff, I can, and he's an awesome friend, pretty much my best actually, it's just awkward for me at times. Awkward's not the right word, but I can't really think of one. That's probably just another symptom of my current mindset though. It's not necessarily that I have super terrible things going on or whatever, but it seems like a lot and it's difficult to handle at the moment.
Bulleted list:
-Mom's cancer is back for the 3rd time. Went up to visit the family at Christmas and she's looking a little rough. Not bad, just skinny and a little frail looking. But she's still the tough lady that I know and love. It's just weird worrying about my parents.
-Job. Fun stuff there. Situations surrounding new people, situations surrounding pay level and being hourly, other things, working 6 days a week, stress... Year/month end is always a fun time, plus dealing with a new business because one we used to use is filing for bankruptcy, working through lunch but getting one taken out anyway. It's a job, and I'm really thankful that I have one and that my lifestyle doesn't have to change or anything during these times. It's just one of those things I guess...
-Girls. At least I've recently learned that "I'm not looking to date anyone" actually means "I don't want to date you." Life would be a lot easier if people when ahead and let everyone else know what was going on in their hearts/minds. On the upside, I get to watch her and this guy who just appeared in her life get super close. Oh how exciting it must be to be a really attractive guy... (On the bright side, after telling a friend of mine "I'd date you if you weren't taken" I received a "I'd date you if I wasn't dating anyone" back later that evening. Also, a friend of mine just told me she loved me (friendship-wise) and that was amazing to hear)...
-Japan. I applied to go teach there for a year. The job would start in May of next year if I got it. It's a really long process, and they don't even send you a confirmation letter letting you know they've received your application until January sometime. I mean, I know they got it because I've got the signature of the receptionist, but I don't know if I did everything right, if I filled in everything, if I left stuff out, added stuff I shouldn't have in, ahh... It was a really large, time consuming and detail-specific application.
And all of this, plus other random day-to-day happenings, combine to form one super-awesome ::insert large word here:: of depression? Anxiety? I'm not sure what the right word is for it (again).
Also, he'll probably show up and surprise her tonight. That's what I would do anyway.
One of my friends the other night told me that he didn't think I was a happy person and said "let's get you on the road to being happy" (or something like that). I started getting all emotional for a second but then just laughed it off, of course, because I use humor to deflect people from examining me too closely (I'm the counselor, I'm the person people go to because they're not strong enough, I do the comforting - not that I HAVE to have/be those roles, but I take them because very few others will. I like being able to be that for my friends... It just bites me in the ass when I get like this is all), but later that week I started thinking more about it. I mean, am I happy? It depends. And I know it's not supposed to be like that.
See, there's this part of me that KNOWS that (I'm about to get all religious here, I apologize) I'm supposed to get my joy, comfort and everything else from God. But I don't, and I'm not sure why I can't. For me, it's always been, well, not a struggle for me to strengthen my relationship with God, but it's never been the walk through the park some of my friends make it out to be. And it's not like it's because it's a difficult thing to do. It's not easy, but it's not like it's anything even remotely out of reach for me. I think college really did a number on me, in multiple ways. There was the whole awesome depression thing, the watching God take away things from me (and very few, if any, were great things... I felt like He was getting me ready for something, I just never saw anything from it, although that could just be because I'm not looking hard enough), being there too long, hating everything about being there by the end of my time at school... it wasn't fun. But anyway, I never really got back the connection that I had in high school. Now it's just like "oh man, I'm too tired" "I'll do it in the morning" "I'll do it at church" "I work 6 days a week, I'll just sleep in this Sunday" etc... It's totally my fault, I'll admit that to anyone. See, this is why I like walking through this with myself, I get to places like that where I actually come to terms with the things that are bothering me...
Anyway, I've got this SUPER awesome party to go to tonight. At least all my friends are engaged, married, dating, whatever... Well, not all of them, but probably a large percentage, at least in the 90s... blah. And then more fun this weekend... /sigh. My life isn't really bad, but to me, it's rough at times...
So that's that. I've got to get ready now. Will I be back here to update more? Who knows. Sometimes I even forget that I have this thing. But it's a good way to get my brain out there without messing up someone's day... (:
But yeah, have a Happy New Year tonight everyone! Be safe, drive safe, all that jazz...
Night...