Anger and Deception
I don't have us in mind? I don't have the couples' better interest at heart? Seriously so over this bull shit at this point. You enjoy pissing me off for some reason. You love to cause me pain, there is no other reason you would do this on a regular basis to me. I do not understand why. You tell me to try writing, journaling. So fine, here goes nothing.
Can you not understand why I am the practical type? Here is a thought. We have a home, 2 cars, a non running motorcycle, and two dogs that we love despite being giant ass brats. Do you know my roots? Do you not think how much this rooting has impacted me and how I handle my future? I am not frivolous very often. I am very practical minded and will take care of needs before any want on the planet. Even then, I will take care of other's needs and wants first before I touch my own wants. Why do you think I own hardly any knick knacks? You want to spend a month and a half of mortgage payments, then ask me to lose, my cell phone bill, electric bill, and internet, and for what? An extra day? Yeah, I am still wanting to go, for us! But no, you won't consider me in this subject. I know damn well I suggest we skip out of our staycation I will be treated like shit for that too. So I try to find a compromise. Let's face it, family everywhere, we will get our sleep together but that is about it. We are celebrating love, yet we have to hide ours and yes that fucking bothers me. So fucking what?! I am not hating on anyone particularly, I am in fact attempting to reach out. I am trying and instead you beat me with the past.
Yeah I royally started fucking up. How long you gonna hold that over my head? Are you going to continue to belittle me over the subject or you gonna eventually drop it so we can progress with one another? I am so over this. You either want me or you want to bully me into whatever it is you want me to do. I do it too sometimes. Especially when we are backed into corners trying to make everyone fucking happy. Take your bull shit and shove it up your fucking ass. I am so over this at this point.
You are a miserable bitch to be with, yet I still do it. We go to stores, and you act like the smallest thing is the end of the world and have to leave that instant, you can't fucking relax. Yeah I sugar coated it, you do it every fucking time. I do not even want to go into a gas station with you because you get annoyed and start bitching and causing a scene so fast. Rapid deterioration is so unbecoming of a woman. Even now you won't apologize for your hateful remarks. You can't seem weak with an apology.
Go ahead, take both vacations alone. I will look forward to being left the fuck alone. Not hearing someone scream at the dogs who don't understand. Go be with family that had to double check the bible to see if they could still love you. Meanwhile my family has question marks over their heads wondering what they did to piss you off and distance you from them. You are a special kind of stupid to throw me away. I am worth it and have proved it so many times I have a fucking migraine from your insanity. Stay away from me. Get a one way ticket. I did it without you before I will do it again.
Even still I am already freaking out that you are gonna dump me and run. I can never get over that hump of trust I guess. Time will only tell. I resent you for all the times you have hurt me yet I keep coming back like an abused dog. Just leave me in peace. I want to just stop the noise. You cause some of it too now! Not just my parents. I don't understand your insanity at this point. I wish I did. I don't think I ever will really.
I get how important this trip is. I was trying to pick between everything. I am sorry that I value a roof over my head. I am sorry that I do not feel entitled to a vacation when I am up to my eyeballs in debt right now. I am sorry. So very sorry. I cannot take your drama and stress anymore. I can't stand how much you hurt me. I cannot fathom what I did to you to deserve this much hatred towards me. That is what it feels like at this point. Pure, unadulterated hatred. This is not how you treat someone you love damn it! I can't stand these feelings anymore. Why do you bully me, verbally and emotionally abuse me? I get so many things and don't pass judgements onto you. Why is it ok for you to do it to me?
You know what? leave and never return. I do not deserve this abuse. Get out of my life, take the fucking dogs, and never come back. Don't call me, don't text me, go, just fucking go! You do not fulfill your promises to me, so just fucking leave. I am done being your whipping boy.
Can you not understand why I am the practical type? Here is a thought. We have a home, 2 cars, a non running motorcycle, and two dogs that we love despite being giant ass brats. Do you know my roots? Do you not think how much this rooting has impacted me and how I handle my future? I am not frivolous very often. I am very practical minded and will take care of needs before any want on the planet. Even then, I will take care of other's needs and wants first before I touch my own wants. Why do you think I own hardly any knick knacks? You want to spend a month and a half of mortgage payments, then ask me to lose, my cell phone bill, electric bill, and internet, and for what? An extra day? Yeah, I am still wanting to go, for us! But no, you won't consider me in this subject. I know damn well I suggest we skip out of our staycation I will be treated like shit for that too. So I try to find a compromise. Let's face it, family everywhere, we will get our sleep together but that is about it. We are celebrating love, yet we have to hide ours and yes that fucking bothers me. So fucking what?! I am not hating on anyone particularly, I am in fact attempting to reach out. I am trying and instead you beat me with the past.
Yeah I royally started fucking up. How long you gonna hold that over my head? Are you going to continue to belittle me over the subject or you gonna eventually drop it so we can progress with one another? I am so over this. You either want me or you want to bully me into whatever it is you want me to do. I do it too sometimes. Especially when we are backed into corners trying to make everyone fucking happy. Take your bull shit and shove it up your fucking ass. I am so over this at this point.
You are a miserable bitch to be with, yet I still do it. We go to stores, and you act like the smallest thing is the end of the world and have to leave that instant, you can't fucking relax. Yeah I sugar coated it, you do it every fucking time. I do not even want to go into a gas station with you because you get annoyed and start bitching and causing a scene so fast. Rapid deterioration is so unbecoming of a woman. Even now you won't apologize for your hateful remarks. You can't seem weak with an apology.
Go ahead, take both vacations alone. I will look forward to being left the fuck alone. Not hearing someone scream at the dogs who don't understand. Go be with family that had to double check the bible to see if they could still love you. Meanwhile my family has question marks over their heads wondering what they did to piss you off and distance you from them. You are a special kind of stupid to throw me away. I am worth it and have proved it so many times I have a fucking migraine from your insanity. Stay away from me. Get a one way ticket. I did it without you before I will do it again.
Even still I am already freaking out that you are gonna dump me and run. I can never get over that hump of trust I guess. Time will only tell. I resent you for all the times you have hurt me yet I keep coming back like an abused dog. Just leave me in peace. I want to just stop the noise. You cause some of it too now! Not just my parents. I don't understand your insanity at this point. I wish I did. I don't think I ever will really.
I get how important this trip is. I was trying to pick between everything. I am sorry that I value a roof over my head. I am sorry that I do not feel entitled to a vacation when I am up to my eyeballs in debt right now. I am sorry. So very sorry. I cannot take your drama and stress anymore. I can't stand how much you hurt me. I cannot fathom what I did to you to deserve this much hatred towards me. That is what it feels like at this point. Pure, unadulterated hatred. This is not how you treat someone you love damn it! I can't stand these feelings anymore. Why do you bully me, verbally and emotionally abuse me? I get so many things and don't pass judgements onto you. Why is it ok for you to do it to me?
You know what? leave and never return. I do not deserve this abuse. Get out of my life, take the fucking dogs, and never come back. Don't call me, don't text me, go, just fucking go! You do not fulfill your promises to me, so just fucking leave. I am done being your whipping boy.