I'm grindin' until I'm tired | they say you ain't grindin' until you die
I feel lonely, but whenever I do something that would potentially make me less lonely, I find myself uncomfortable and disgusted with myself and the person who could make me less lonely. I avoid them, ignore them, and reject them. This is not a one time thing. This has now happened three times. Once with someone I thought I could like very much, once with someone I did like very much, and someone who might have likened to me. This doesn't happen with everyday encounters, like talking or dates, just when I press the 'friend' boundary.
Is there a reverse asexualism? Instead of not being attracted to anyone, I'm attracted to everyone but can't be with anyone?
I feel like tearing off my skin until this hot, skinking feeling goes away. Could crawl away into a small place and hide for days until I feel better?
I flashed the party I went to last night, but that didn't make me feel anything. I'm confident of myself, and I thought I was with my sexuality as well, but now I'm questioning it and the lable I was so convinced I belonged to before. I don't like lables, but I felt that being bisexual made me more normal. I don't feel that way right now. I just want something constant in my life and my sexuality has always been one of them.
I'm starting to convince myself that it's not. I just want a lable so I can tell people something better than that the reason I don't want to be with them is because they make my skin crawl and being near them causes me anxiety and no really, it's not you it's me. I want to be able to tell them something instead of nothing at all.
so, any thoughts? anyone? I need people to talk to, and real life is a bit fuzzy at the moment.
Is there a reverse asexualism? Instead of not being attracted to anyone, I'm attracted to everyone but can't be with anyone?
I feel like tearing off my skin until this hot, skinking feeling goes away. Could crawl away into a small place and hide for days until I feel better?
I flashed the party I went to last night, but that didn't make me feel anything. I'm confident of myself, and I thought I was with my sexuality as well, but now I'm questioning it and the lable I was so convinced I belonged to before. I don't like lables, but I felt that being bisexual made me more normal. I don't feel that way right now. I just want something constant in my life and my sexuality has always been one of them.
I'm starting to convince myself that it's not. I just want a lable so I can tell people something better than that the reason I don't want to be with them is because they make my skin crawl and being near them causes me anxiety and no really, it's not you it's me. I want to be able to tell them something instead of nothing at all.
so, any thoughts? anyone? I need people to talk to, and real life is a bit fuzzy at the moment.