Like A Knot Of Chaos My Heart Longs To Explode

[darklover14]

Have ya ever felt like all the bullshit and all the pressure and all the CRAP is just building and building and building inside your chest and if you don't do something quick it's gonna explode and take you with it? That's how I feel lately I feel like if I don't find a way to explle all the pent up...energy that I'm just gonna blow up and get a 6 pointer or something. I really need to go home. Julie I can't wait till your birthday. We're gonna party and drink and just chill. No drama, no fights, no bullshit I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I can handle it up here you guys...I don't know if I'm strong enough...Everybody keeps telling me I can do it and they believe in me and yeah that's great I'm glad ya'll have so much faith in me but I don't believe in me, I don't know, I seriously doubt, I can do this. I haven't talked to mom in like 3 weeks and it's killing me. I can't get ahold of Aulie, I hardly get any time to talk to Nick or Julie and I'm LOSING MY FUCKING MIND!!! *sigh* God I wish I could get high. Just one joint and I'd be fine but see that's the weakness in me. That's the lack of strength I'm talking about. I wish I never would've dropped out, I wish I would've listened to my mom...I wish I could wake up in my own bed and realize this has all just been a bad dream...But I know wishes don't come true...I love you all...laters

~Sammy