Someone to Hold

Jul 04, 2006 17:19

Someone to Hold
By: Dark-lil-devil
Rating: R
Pairing: Rogue/Logan
Warnings: Lemon
Have not posted this elsewhere as of yet. First lemon I ever wrote.

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Rogue stared into the mirror. Every night, she had to face this. Every time she drifted off during class, every time she let her mind wander, it came back to this.

She was left with a particle of everybody she had ever touched, floating around inside of her head. Now and again, those parts would hit the surface- causing her to act out of character and worry those around her. There was no way to stop it from happening.

But those bits of people, she could feel them inside of her. Their thoughts, voices, opinions and even mutant abilities all at the beck of a thought. But sometimes, she just couldn’t control it.

Especially the strong ones. The ones she had to battle, all day long, and through her dreams.

Their emotions were strong- but it was the strongest from each that she had to battle constantly. Lust. Some might call it love, but when she felt it, it was pure unadulterated lust.

Lust towards Jean, from Logan. Lust towards herself, from Bobby. Lust towards her old self, Marie, from the first boy she ever kissed.

Every time she saw Jean… She had to fight to control it. Every time she saw a mirror, her breath got chilly.

Every time she felt the lust, it brought the personality to the surface.

So if she was around Jean, she had an uncanny ability to heal rapidly. If she saw a mirror, everything surrounding her would frost up, and others would get shivers down their spines.

And on long, lonely nights such as this, she sat in front of her mirror, battling it out with Bobby. She had grown to hate him, from the torture she was being put through, and had dumped him, knowing he felt the exact pain she felt, every time he saw her.

It wasn’t that they hadn’t tried. They had tried plenty. But unfortunately, condoms were apparently not thick enough for such a sensitive area of skin.

That time had been close- Bobby had, of course, collapsed on top of her in pain. She’d had to wrestle him off and remove herself from his perimiter before her ability could kill him.

After that, she cut him loose.

There was only one person who could touch her and survive it. He who had given her the ability to heal- when in the presence of the one he loved.

Who wasn’t her.

She wanted him. She wanted to touch- to be touched back. She wanted to feel somebody else- as she hadn’t for so long.

He didn’t want her. She felt the painfull truth, every time that *she* was in her presence. Every pang of lust after Jean reminded her of how much the only person open to her didn’t *want* her.

She tried not to hate Jean. Knew it wasn’t her fault.

But every time Rogue stared into a mirror, trying to imagine the feeling of another pressed up against her, she couldn’t help but feel that pang of jealous rage. How could she have two men after her, and reject the best one?!

It made no sense. Rogue had had enough. Logan had returned, a week ago. She grinned a bit, remembering his spectacular entrance.

The door had swung open, a leather clad figure swaggering in. Scott had been passing through the room, stopping to stare. He impulsively caught the keys thrown at him. “Your carborator is half dead, alternator is only going when it wants to, and somebody decided to rip the seat.”

After a moment of processing, Scott replied “Would that be because you pissed them off?”

A snort. She could tell what it implied, and felt the little ‘Logan’ inside of her translate anyway. ‘What do you think? Of course you stupid bugger.’

And he’d decided to stay until Scott fixed the bike. Would do it himself, but funds were short. Or so he said.

Personally, Rogue guessed he missed the feeling of the school. It had an aura of… A family. A dysfunctional family, but what family isn’t?

And so, after staring at the mirror for two and a half hours, fighting the voices down, Rogue made a decision.

She stood, deciding to leave her gloves behind. Clad in tight leather pants, and a black singlett top she had quite a bit of skin revealed.

She exited her room quietly, to find the house eerily quiet. Some of the teachers were on a field trip with the younger students, leaving the rest under Logan’s care. Scott had been ‘babysitting’ as well, but had left to assist on the field trip- they’d run into a lack of supplies. And Rogue knew for a fact that they had packed a weeks worth of supplies, for the whole group.

She slipped down the hallway, and stopped at a certain door.

She debated knocking, then decided it had it’s merits. She didn’t need a repeat of the last time she’d tried to help…

Dragging her thoughts from the past, she raised a hand and rapped it against the wood.

Apparently he was still awake, as he called out that it was open, to enter. So she did, shutting the door behind herself.

“Rogue?” He looked confused, watching her from his position, sitting at the foot of his bed, removing his shoes.

“Logan.” Her accent contradicted his splendidly. He returned his attention to his boots, clearly waiting for her to state the reason for her presence.

“Logan, I.” Her voice chocked. Her throat contracted. What was she meant to say, now that she was here?

“Rogue? What’s wrong?” His shoes off, he stood, turning to face her.

She let her head hang, staring at the floor and allowing her hair to hide her face.

“I’m. I. Logan, how do. If.” Growling in frustration, she wrapped her arms around her waist, clutching tightly. She refused to cry. If she wanted to be touched- what now seemed like a very long shot- crying was not a way to appear attractive.

He stepped forward, reaching to tuck her hair away from her face, where it obstructed his view of her face.

“Rogue, what’s wrong?” He repeated his earlier statement, concern across his face.

She lost all hopes of being touched by this man. Her inner Logan was screaming at her to suck it up, not to show weakness.

“I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

She turned to leave the room, but his hand grabbed her elbow. “Wait.” He let go quickly, making the contact fleeting. She flinched.

“You came here for a reason. What was it, kid?”

“Kid, Rogue. I’m just a monster. Logan, can you. Would you. I’ve tried, but. Please, Logan,” She stared up at him with pleading eyes. This had turned out completely different from what she had intended, but her inner ‘magneto’ reasoned that it had been a long time coming. “…will you kill me?”

He grunted, startled at such a request. “What the hell happened here while I was gone?” While he spoke, he guided her towards his bed, and once she was sitting, he draped a jacket over her shivering form.

“Everything…Nothing…I don’t know. Logan, please. I’m begging you.”

He sat next to her, and she could tell (again, without the help from her inner Logan) that he was longing for a beer. “What’s brought all of this on? Why do you want to die? I thought you were happy here.”

She sobbed, the tears finally forcing their way out. “I was. In the beginning. But Logan, I’m a monster. I deserve death. But every time I try, they talk me out of it. Please… Stab me.”

He shook his head, drawing her close with an arm around her shoulders, his jacket running interference for them.

“Why are you a monster?”

“I cant. I can’t touch anybody. I don’t even know if I’m part human any more. I’m… I turn into them. I don’t know who I am. What I am. I can’t touch anybody. Nobody can touch me. I. I want to be touched Logan. I want to be loved.”

He looked confused. “What happened to the ice brat?”

She sobbed again, burrowing her head into the crook of his neck, seeking any warmth to be found. It had been so long since she’d even been hugged.

“We tried. But, we couldn’t. And he’s in me. I feel what he does for me, every time I look into a mirror. I feel his lust. He can’t touch me, and I can feel his pain. He’ll move on. He can touch other girls. But the him inside of me… It will always want to touch me, whenever I see myself. Logan, I lust after myself. I lust after Jean. I lust after my old self. I want so many people that I just don’t want, but I do and I can’t control it and I just don’t know what to do any more. I’m just a monster.”

“You’re not a monster, kid. Have you spoken to the professor about this?”

She shook her head a negative. “It.. It’s too personal. They’re running my life. Logan, I don’t want to live any more. I want to be Marie again. Rogue is a monster. I don’t want to have to be Rogue any more.”

Her tears had finished, but she was still sobbing and hiccuping every now and then, still tucking into his comforting embrace.

“Kid, you have to talk to the professor. He might know a mind trick or two to block this stuff from you. You never know. But you need to sleep now. You’ve had a rough day.”

In other words, I don’t know what the fuck to do, so get out of my room, Rouge thought bitterly.

He stood, pulling her up with him. She clutched to him, not wanting to loose the contact she had craved for so long.

“Come on Rogue, you’ve gotta let go.”

She was pulled forcefully away from his side, and in the process the jacket slid to the floor, leaving Logan’s hands on her bare shoulders.

She placed a hand over one, letting the sensation of skin on skin drift through her body.

And then it started to happen, her power kicked in. She could feel him suck in a deep breath, and a flash entered her very being before his hand was yanked away.

She panted, concentrating on the flash that was ricocheting around her being, looking for a place to invade. It was Logan, unmistakably Logan. But, older. More controled. And suprisingly, it was very strong. Stronger then any other. She concentrated on the emotion that caused it to be so, and her eyes flew open with realisation.

Lust. Love. Concern. Fear. From Logan… to her! Not Jean.

“L…Logan?” The older male flinched, and sat heavily on the bed. “What?”

“You. You know that I take on a part of a person when I touch them… Well, that was the largest part of a person I’ve ever taken. Because it’s so strong. Logan, please, tell me. Who do you like?”

He stared her right in the eyes, and realised the truth. She knew. Was just wondering if he knew. He sighed, and muttered out his reply. “You.”

“Logan, I. The other you in me… It’s so attracted to Jean…”

He shrugged helplessly. “Lonely nights. Gives a guy lots of time to think.”

She sat on the bed next to him. “I like you, you know. More than Bobby, more than anyone.”

He nodded slowly. “But you’re just a kid. I don’t even know how old I am.”

She turned to face him. “But Logan, we fit together. It’s us against the world. I gave these guys a chance. But I want to stay with you. No matter where you go.”

He stared at her, eyes intense. “Don’t say that. You have a stable life here. You’ll find another boy, your own age.”

“And do what with him, Logan? I can’t do anything with anybody. I might as well go out with everybody, for all the good it does me.”

He sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “And I’m any different?”

“Yes, yes you are. You’ve felt the worst of me… And you’re not scared. You don’t hate me. Logan, we can find a way around it. We have to. I want you. Logan, Wolverine, I want you inside of me. I want you to love me.”

He visibly gulped. “It’s not possible. We’ll just end up injured. If you just train, and talk to the professor, you can find a way around it and go back to Bobby, or another guy. You don’t need me.”

She punched the bed beside her, frustrated. “Logan, I can feel it, coarsing through me. You want this as much as I do. Why must you fight it?”

He sighed, and placed a hand on her leather-clad knee. “We can’t do this.”

“Yes, we can. Logan, if we want to we will find a way. Please, just try. For me. Or, if you aren’t willing, then just kill me. Either or, Logan.”

The older man sighed, and muttered about stupid young females.

While he was muttering, she had stood, and removed her singlett, leaving her in a black bra with red stitching and her form-fitting pants.

From his seat, Logan stared, mouth open. She leant forward, and pushed his chin up to close it. “To give you a better shot at my heart.”

He took a deep, shaky breath. “You want this? With me? And you’re sure you want to try?”

She nodded an afirmitive to each question, and stepped so that she was directly in front of him, holding her arms out to the side. “Do you want me?”

For an answer, one arm circled the last clothed part of her, clutching her ass, as the other drew her head down for a short kiss.

She smiled, a huge grin. “Was that so bad?”

He growled, pulling her down for another one. They stayed together until the first signs of her power kicked in, causing them to break apart.

Logan growled, pulling her down to him in a fit of lust, causing her to collapse onto him. Not wanting to get zapped needlessly, he flipped her over onto the bed so that she was on her back, legs dangling over the edge and then straddled her, all of his weight in his legs, allowing him free upper-body movement.

Testing the water (rather the amount of time he could go touching her for) he allowed his hands to run over her bare skin, caressing every inch available, lifting his hands for a moment every time the pull got too strong. He leant over her for another kiss, catching her bottom lip with his teeth. She gasped, and he took the inititive to invade her mouth with his tongue- searching, stroking, mapping out her mouth.

They parted, and his hands glided over her body, ghosting over the mounds hidden by her bra. She arched up, allowing his hands to slide behind and unclip it with ease (or force. He didn’t much care which).

Once dislodged, and discarded onto the floor, he sat back to take in the sight of her, chest bare.

She blushed, turning her head and averting her gaze.

He leant down to engage her in kiss, allowing his hand to caress her breast, slowly kneading until the nipple was fully erect. She was moaning under him, amazed at all of the new sensations.

As he caught her in another kiss, her own hands tugged at his top, and he removed it, throwing it towards the wall not caring in the slightest where it landed.

They resumed their heated kissing, hands roaming over each other’s chests, Logan’s mouth dipping down to caress every part of her it found, elicting moans that merely spurred him on.

Her hands tugged at his belt, eventually getting it open. He stepped out of his pants, and she grinned at the knowledge that he preferred neither boxers nor briefs. He had nothing on, and as her eyes settled on his erect manhood, she audibly gulped.

Big. Scary. She’d only ever seen Bobby’s, and Logan was a full grown male, Bobby still a growing boy. It showed.

The thought of it entering her scared the Marie left in her. The Rogue part of herself didn’t care. If she could have Logan in her, she would- pain or no pain.

Her eyes met Logan’s, and he tilted his head. “Having second thoughts?”

She shook her head a negative, and settled her hands onto his firm ass, pulling him forward so that he was on his hands and knees over the top of her, his crotch right above her head.

Taking a deep breath, she leant up, taking him into her mouth, a hand raising to caress his balls, the other squeezing his ass.

He moaned, thrusting into her warm, wet cavern. She laughed, letting the vibration caress him, as her tongue treated it like a lollipop. It swirled, sucked, licked, and then she was pulling away, knowing their contact limit was up. She gave a last lick at the tip, tasting some of the precum that was leaking from the head.

He moved down to kiss her, and slowly his hand trailed from her shoulder down to her pants, fiddling with the buttons and zip, giving her plenty of time to protest.

When he had them undone, she arched up, and a minute later the both of them were as naked as the day they were born, laying fully on the bed, appreciating each other with their gazes.

Logan leant down to capture her left nipple in his mouth, nibbling slightly, delighting in the moans she gave out.

One of his hands slid down, to rest on her outer thigh.

He looked at her one last time, and before he could ask, she nodded. She wanted this.

When, at long last he entered her, she finally felt complete. All the voices were silent, observing the happenings. Feeling his whole body pressed up to hers like that- leaving after a while only to return quickly, was a cure unlike any other.

Once they were sated, breathing deeply and sprawled out upon the bed, she slipped into her clothes, and gloves. Enough of a coating that she could curl up in his arms for the night, and still feel his heat.

rogue/logan, x-men, fanfic

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