Deeeep Thoughts
i have been getting depressed and stressed out lately and also have been thinking too. a couple of wise sages recently told me that i am a drama queen. i am not sure how to take it but i figure that they could be right considering esp that cyborg was one of the people that told me. i have been feeling like my life is in a void and that the light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting smaller i aslo think that this is because lately i have been draged in to a few things (work and school type stuff) that have caused me to stress and that i am not a direct player in. so i guess i am trying to figure out am i really that bad as one of my online buddies says i am or am i meerly just a pasionate person. (this is all work/school related not friend related for those who could be potentailly stressing right now>) i know that i have a personaltiy that people either love me or hate me there are few people who are in the middle. i guess that i am just trying to sort some of my thoughts out and try to see my self from an objective point of view becasue i have this voice in my head screaming that i need to make some changes- personal (and no this does not mean cyborg and i are having trouble we are still happily married and as much as a pain in my ass as he can be i still love him very much)type changes. it could also mean...hell i dont know. i guess i am getting ready to turn 30 and realize that i need to do some emotional housecleaning. i cant be objective about my self and i know that i have this history of extreme instabilty be it good or ill. i feel like im getting ready to go thru a period of introspeciton and trying to figure out why i do the things i do and to fix some of my flaws that are hindering my happiness. alright i know enough with the bitching i guess i need to figure out a way to see my self from the outside so that i decide on my flaws that i want to fix and go on. i am 29 and i am tired of living in the past or in what i would deam a fantsay world future i want to be able to enjoy the here and now and not dwell on the past the bad and what not nor worry or dream about tommrow but to enjoy each moment as it comes. on a differenet note the work schedule is posted for derby week i have to work 1 12hr shift and 3 16 hour shifts. for those that dont know me well buy stock in the caffine pill industry that week becasue i will be supporting them. and to all of those drunken out of towners that i will have to deal with that day.....you should of thought of that before you got drunk and came to jail........ok so my job can be fun at times. ok think i need to go to bed or i will ramble on and on and on and on and so on all night