Pre-Marital Sex and Me
I have done many things in my life which I regret but none that I regret more then making sex a part of my pre-marital relationships. Not just because of religious reasons, but for practical ones as well. I've had pre-marital (and once extra-marital) sex on and off since I was 16 and it has completely ruined my view on what a truly healthy relationship needs to be like.
So what's wrong with it, without getting into the Biblical implications? For one, and I feel the primary aspect, it gets in the way of a lasting emotional bond. The whole relationship is about getting both people "in the mood" at the same time and not about learning about the aspects of each other that will determine if the relationship is viable in the long term. True romance has as much to do with sex as a rock does. I've learned from experience that a good sexual, pre-marital relationship does not equate into a viable partnership of mind and body and soul. Most of that lesson came from my ex-fiancee, Amy. The sex was good, even great at times, but our inter-personal relationship was poor and neither of us seemed to be able to focus on it or even interested in fixing those things that were keeping us emotionally apart.
So what's the allure of the pleasure of pre-marital sex if it makes relationships harder to form? Why do some couples seem to connect just as well whether or not sex is involved? I don't know, but I'd call them lucky. All I know is that sex should not be the beginning of the relationship, but the result of a healthy marriage in which there is already an established history of dignity and respect and love and understanding in both participants.
You might argue, "Well perhaps pre-marital sex didn't work for you, but it is ok with me and my partner." I'd like you to ask yourself if that's really true. If it is, can you remove the sex and still have what you consider a fulfilling relationship? If you remove the sex and there is nothing else left then it isn't ok with you and your partner. If you remove the sex and there is nothing left to fall back on to keep the "flame" going then I would seriously reconsider the relationship.
That is my challenge to you today, but not only to un-married couples but to married couples as well. Take the sex out of your relationship for one month, come back here and share your experiences with me. I'm eager to know just how many of you have a truly fulfilling relationship and what it actually consists of once you remove sex.
[tags]self, relationships, amy, sex[/tags]
So what's wrong with it, without getting into the Biblical implications? For one, and I feel the primary aspect, it gets in the way of a lasting emotional bond. The whole relationship is about getting both people "in the mood" at the same time and not about learning about the aspects of each other that will determine if the relationship is viable in the long term. True romance has as much to do with sex as a rock does. I've learned from experience that a good sexual, pre-marital relationship does not equate into a viable partnership of mind and body and soul. Most of that lesson came from my ex-fiancee, Amy. The sex was good, even great at times, but our inter-personal relationship was poor and neither of us seemed to be able to focus on it or even interested in fixing those things that were keeping us emotionally apart.
So what's the allure of the pleasure of pre-marital sex if it makes relationships harder to form? Why do some couples seem to connect just as well whether or not sex is involved? I don't know, but I'd call them lucky. All I know is that sex should not be the beginning of the relationship, but the result of a healthy marriage in which there is already an established history of dignity and respect and love and understanding in both participants.
You might argue, "Well perhaps pre-marital sex didn't work for you, but it is ok with me and my partner." I'd like you to ask yourself if that's really true. If it is, can you remove the sex and still have what you consider a fulfilling relationship? If you remove the sex and there is nothing else left then it isn't ok with you and your partner. If you remove the sex and there is nothing left to fall back on to keep the "flame" going then I would seriously reconsider the relationship.
That is my challenge to you today, but not only to un-married couples but to married couples as well. Take the sex out of your relationship for one month, come back here and share your experiences with me. I'm eager to know just how many of you have a truly fulfilling relationship and what it actually consists of once you remove sex.
[tags]self, relationships, amy, sex[/tags]