how stupid can I be...
I feel like an idiot all the time. Like I just deserve being stepped all over by anyone I ever had any type of feelings for, friend wise or more then friends. Anyone I ever seem to meet always turns out to be someone they said they weren't to begin with. Or at least pretended not to be. I just want to be happy. I just want to be treated like I mean something to someone. I know everyone wants to feel that from someone. But I dont know everyone and right now this is my problem. I never seem to have anyone to really talk to about this. MY best friend really makes no effort to even call me and see how I am from time to time. Unless it comes to a point that she feels bad that she hasnt called in awhile and I always use to call her, just to see how she is doing. I really don't have anyone to help me out and keep me sane, I know I should just do it for myself. IT is so hard to do it all alone all the time. I try so hard to just keep it all in and not get crazy, but my mind is always going it seems. I always feel like I'm trying to push back the tears. I'm trying so hard to not constantly dwell on stuff but when you have nothing better to do then be alone and think about it, it just becomes something so frustrating. I sometimes dont know what a real friend is. The last couple of years people have come in and out of my life so quick, one minute someone I had thought would be someone solid just to become someone that lies, that it is just so easy to brush me off and not think of or bother with anymore. I always thought of myself as a good person, as someone that anyone would be happy to have around. Why can't I just meet anyone who really means what they say.