searching...
So I have been feeling extremely lost and lonely lately. I have alot of anger and sadness going through my mind. I hate getting out of bed and going anywhere. I am so mean to everyone and just want to be left alone most of the time. I also don't trust most people, I feel like I am just going to be screwed over again and again. I can't deal with all these feelings all the time, most of the time I am telling myself not to cry, before work, before going out anywhere. All I could think of are horrible thoughts of myself. How gross I look, how I just don't want to be around fucking idiot people. I just want to not feel this way all the time. Right at this very moment I am dreading the fact that I have to wake up for work tomorrow, get ready and leave to be there for 8 hour long agonizing hours. Everyday it seems worse then the next and I just dont want to deal with it anymore I just want to sleep forever, I want a vacation from my mind. How did I become this way? Why did I become this way? Why can't I be a slightly happier human being? Why do I have to be this way? I try so hard to get over, to fix it, to push it away. Nothing seems to work, the feelings just come back and I'm back in my deep dark hole again. I'm gong to watch a movie now....its the only thing lately that lets me escape my thoughts for a little while.