eh
you know this should be a happy entry becuase i mean HELLO tomorrow is my birthday..... but i just feel down..... i mean i feel like crap becuase everyone is forgeting my birthday becuase a damn JR. prom just happens to be on the same day..... EH!!! it pisses me off!
Ever feel like your friends don't really care about you.... they only talk to you online becuase you IM them.... or becuase they don't say much but yessa or lol or something like that. i just feel like im being abandoned.... maybe becuase today someone looked at me and was like "omg your almost an adult" it hit me kinda hard.... tomorrow i will be 17. and that may not seem much to most of you.... but next year at this same time im going to be 18 years old.... im not ready to be an adult i have done nothing with my life except expiriment with drugs and alcohol quit smokeing when i was like 9 only to be picking up the habbit AGAIN! i have done nothing good with my life.... not really. i mean i have done withs like hold open a door for an old lady.... but who doesn't do that. people always tell me im such a good kid. that i don't do things wrong. i just feel like no matter what i do people are not going to remember me when im gone. maybe the fake accident thing today at school also made me think a little not about drunk driving.... but about death. what have i done to make people remember me when im gone.... to make them go "do you remember Lindsey?" and have the other person be like "yeah, she was great" i just wish that people would be learning about me in class or be talking about me on the play ground or maybe around the water cooler at work. any way around it i want to be remembered.... i feel like im trying to start my life over trying to knock out some bad habbits.... bring some in..... i feel like everything around me is changing and im trying to keep up... but no mater how hard i try i just fall behind. am i falling behind? or am i just costing along not really falling behind but not keeping up. i used to feel like i was leaving everyone behind that i was changing and everyone else was just staying the same young and imature selves.... now... i find mayself not wanting tomorrow to come. i don't want to grow up. i know that sounds silly and child-like... but it is true. i long for the days when i was 10 and had nothing to worry about except having fun. now i sit here scared to turn 17 becuase of what it might bring. i sit here in love with someone that i can't tell becuase he has a girlfreind. i happen to get a hug from him today..... all i could think was how much i wish i could be with him. and i can't. i just feel like no matter what i say to him nothing with make a differnece. i just.... eh.... i have a freind he is a great person but a little while ago we had a bit of a "falling out" im not going to say what happened but it wasn't good.... and now everything is fine between us.... but he isn't the same. i just wish that i was a normal 16 year old all excited about turning 17 tomorrow. i guess that im just a big loser!
so.... tomorrow i turn 17 regardless if i want to or not.... i turn 17 not really acomplishing anything in my life.... i turn 17 not wanting to grow up..... tomorrow i live my greatest fear.... i get left a little more behind becuase i just don't want to grow up. tomorrow.... i change.
-Lindsey
Ever feel like your friends don't really care about you.... they only talk to you online becuase you IM them.... or becuase they don't say much but yessa or lol or something like that. i just feel like im being abandoned.... maybe becuase today someone looked at me and was like "omg your almost an adult" it hit me kinda hard.... tomorrow i will be 17. and that may not seem much to most of you.... but next year at this same time im going to be 18 years old.... im not ready to be an adult i have done nothing with my life except expiriment with drugs and alcohol quit smokeing when i was like 9 only to be picking up the habbit AGAIN! i have done nothing good with my life.... not really. i mean i have done withs like hold open a door for an old lady.... but who doesn't do that. people always tell me im such a good kid. that i don't do things wrong. i just feel like no matter what i do people are not going to remember me when im gone. maybe the fake accident thing today at school also made me think a little not about drunk driving.... but about death. what have i done to make people remember me when im gone.... to make them go "do you remember Lindsey?" and have the other person be like "yeah, she was great" i just wish that people would be learning about me in class or be talking about me on the play ground or maybe around the water cooler at work. any way around it i want to be remembered.... i feel like im trying to start my life over trying to knock out some bad habbits.... bring some in..... i feel like everything around me is changing and im trying to keep up... but no mater how hard i try i just fall behind. am i falling behind? or am i just costing along not really falling behind but not keeping up. i used to feel like i was leaving everyone behind that i was changing and everyone else was just staying the same young and imature selves.... now... i find mayself not wanting tomorrow to come. i don't want to grow up. i know that sounds silly and child-like... but it is true. i long for the days when i was 10 and had nothing to worry about except having fun. now i sit here scared to turn 17 becuase of what it might bring. i sit here in love with someone that i can't tell becuase he has a girlfreind. i happen to get a hug from him today..... all i could think was how much i wish i could be with him. and i can't. i just feel like no matter what i say to him nothing with make a differnece. i just.... eh.... i have a freind he is a great person but a little while ago we had a bit of a "falling out" im not going to say what happened but it wasn't good.... and now everything is fine between us.... but he isn't the same. i just wish that i was a normal 16 year old all excited about turning 17 tomorrow. i guess that im just a big loser!
so.... tomorrow i turn 17 regardless if i want to or not.... i turn 17 not really acomplishing anything in my life.... i turn 17 not wanting to grow up..... tomorrow i live my greatest fear.... i get left a little more behind becuase i just don't want to grow up. tomorrow.... i change.
-Lindsey