(no subject)
so... hurrah for three day weekends. and talking to certain boys that will remain nameless because most of you know anyway, so its pointless to say it... but yeah, i talked to him for like an hour and a half last night... and it was interesting, if nothing else. you know those things that you REALLY want to say to someone, but you don't know how to phrase it without failing miserably at life? yeah... there was a lot of that in my head last night... i need to figure out a way to describe just how i feel, without scaring the crap out of him... cuz that has happened in the past. *whimper* just don't know what to do anymore... i always do this to myself, every time... and it always sucks. every time. and yet i continue to torture myself despite knowing how it makes me feel. because i keep holding out hope that maybe, someday, i WILL be allowed to be happy. but you know, i'm not really sure i see that happening ever. i mean, i'm so happy around him, or even when i'm just talking to him... but i don't know if anything will ever come of it, and that depresses me even more. i'm just trying to not revert to where i was at this point last year... but i'm not sure if its working or not. *sigh* i just like him so much...