Electionwatch 2010 - Election Night Edition!
Well, it's finally here. Tonight we'll see what the UK government is going to be like for the next few years or so (possibly less in the unlikely case of a minority government and the first vote of no-confidence it fails), and Nick and I are going to be covering things as they happen. With alcohol. And chocolate. And more alcohol. And a drinking game!
Of course, the polls don't actually close for another half hour or so and so neither does the BBC's live coverage, so until that all starts I'm going off to clean a couple of glasses and come up with some more rules for the drinking game. So far we've got:
- every time your party wins a seat, take a sip.
- every time Peter Snow looks to be getting overly excited about the Swingometer, take a sip.
- whenever Jeremy Paxman shoots down an MP in an interview, take two sips.
- if Jeremy Paxman breaks an MP (reducing them to tears, making them swear live on air etc) drain your glass.
- if the BNP win a seat, drain your glass.
2200 - and we start. Nick's Kronenberg was a week out of date so he did a few scientific tests before deciding to drink it. The exit polls are suggesting that we're heading towards a hung parliament so far, but of course that all depends on them predicting behaviours.
2204 - apparently there were long queues at some polling stations right up to closing time. When Nick and I voted we were the only ones there, but then again we voted at lunchtime. Bad luck for people who were still queuing at 10pm - Nick tells me they're just turned away.
2206 - Nick is tweeting through the election results, btw, at @EbonBear.
2209 - Sunderland is doing it's usual mad rush to try to be the first to declare, as usual. Making schoolchildren run with boxes full of paper. Sounds like the world's most sadistic sports day relay race.
2221 - Paxman interviewing some politicians about the exit poll and hung parliament. Sadly he didn't make Mandelson cry, but I hold out hope.
2226 - Nick also suggests following this website, FiveThirtyEight.com who did wonderful things with the numbers in the US elections and is doing much the same with ours now.
2231 - now we have a journalist interviewing rich people. And Bruce Forsythe hamming it up (not to mention Ben Kingsley). I demand some actual results and stuff!
2238 - Nick just applauded Alan Johnson for something he said. Shame I missed it due to needing to scratch my nose. Paxman is really looking for someone to impale tonight though.
2243 - And now apparently the police are being called to break up the queues of people still trying to queue to vote after the polls closed.
2249 - OK, there might be a problem brewing with the people being turned away at some polling stations, because in other places they've been allowed to vote if they were inside the building. Can you say "legal challenge"?
2251 - And Hougthon and Sunderland South has declared. It's gone to Labour with a huge majority.
2302 - And now, nothing once more. Apart from Paxman being obnoxious and Nick yelling at Paxman for being obnoxious. Poured my second drink of the night.
2305 - Teresa May is talking. I'm sure I remember when the thing she was most famous for was wearing expensive shoes at a Tory part conference.
2313 - Mariella Frostrup has been talking for just over a minute and I already want to hit something. Thank gods for Ian Hislop.
2316 - Gahh! If I wanted to know vapid celebrities' opinions on this, I'd be reading a vapid celebrity mag!
2320 - Esther Rantzen is on my screen. She either has stocks in Botox or Maybellene.
2325 - Washington and Sunderland West has declared. It's a Labour win again, with another large majority. And Pavarotti's twin appears to be standing for the Lib Dems there.
2333 - Ooh, a Tory candidate from Staffordshire (not ours, I don't think the guy on the screen could belly dance too well). Talk of marginals and whether the exit poll numbers will actualy hold up.
2340 - it may be the alcohol, but George Osbourne is looking a little like a middle-aged Ianto Jones to me right now.
2341 - Sunderland Central declared. Labour won there, which is good. Apparently the Tories had a chance of winning this one. Tories did get 12k to Labour's 19k though, which is too damn close when you look at complicated things like swings and the like.
2345 - I admit, I'm worried that the Tories got gain an overall majority here, because if they do then they would have Nick driven to suicide in a matter of months with their treatment of the disabled on benefits.
2349 - And there's the BBC, getting a few digs in at Nick Griffin.
2357 - Give him a pencil moustache, and David Milbrand looks a lot like Gomez Addams.
0000 - As things progress though, it's becoming more and more clear that the increasing reports of problems people have in voting are going to be very important after the dust has settled and the parties decide what to do next. If Labour/Lib Dems manage a legal challenge over it, we could end up having to do this all over again.
0011 - We're having an anarchy! From the BBC website: "Sky News is showing footage of a dispute between would-be voters and election officials in Islington South, after dozens were turned away when polls closed at 10pm. There are also reports that some failed voters in Sheffield are blocking roads around polling stations to stop ballot boxes being removed." Also, there's a bomb threat in Northern Ireland.
0014 - Joan Collins is on my screen, supporting the Tories. She still hasn't aged.
0023 - Whoever the Lib Dem guy who Paxman is talking to is sensible, pointing out the Tories' hypocrasy over their claim that they should be in charge even if they don't get a majority.
0026 - Tories are claiming - via Twitter - that they've taken Battersey. BBC has no confirmation of this.
0033 - More breaking news: York reports that hundreds of postal votes have gone missing. This is turning into an episode of the Keystone elections.
0039 - While I've been watching a woman from the Electoral Commission try to explain the disaster that this is becoming, South Tyrone (Northern Ireland) declared for Sinn Fein.
0041 - And Sinn Fein hold West Tyrone as well.
0042 - Or maybe it was the DUP in South Tyrone. I shouldn't be trying to follow these results while drunk.
0044 - North Antrim, not South Tyrone. Ian Paisley Jr.
0048 - Belfast East declares for... Alliance party, which if I'm interpreting correctly is the Northern Ireland version of the Lib Dems. They unseated the first minister by 22.9%.
0051 - I'm confused!
0052 - someone at the election party on a boat in London thinks we should just do this all again next month.
0058 - Okay, thanks to this BBC page, I think I know what's going on again.
0103 - and the Tories get their first gain in Kingswood, from Labour by 5.1%. I think.
0108 - Results are in for Broxborne (Tory hold), Torbay (Lib Dem hold, but bloody close) and Rutherglen (Labour hold).
0113 - Torbay, incidentally, is not only Nick's home town, but also was the Tories "target seat" number 57.
0120 - Labour are also holding Sedgefield, a place in Wales I can't spell and Motherwall in Scotland. Tories have held Filton.
0126 - endless shots of Gordon Brown at the count in his home constituency of Kirkcaldy. I don't see the point of seeing MPs endlessly shaking hands with people if we're not getting their results or someone's doing something entertaining, like juggling chainsaws.
0129 - David Blunkett is being a Debbie Downer, saying he thinks Labour has lost. Sure, he might be thinking that the way forward is a coalition government, but saying it like that isn't going to help.
0132 - Durham and Kirkcaldy are declaring at the same time. Brown held his seat (and there's a weird guy with his hand in a raised fist there too, don't know what the hell he's doing), and I think Durham was held by Labour too.
0139 - finally, the guy with the raised fist put it down. Even he couldn't hold it through Brown's victory speech.
0143 - Tory results are suddenly sailing in. One of them is Ken Clarke's, but I have no idea which. Currently Labour have 22 seats, Tories have 9, Lib Dems have 4 and "Other" have 11.
0144 - And Labour lost Battersea to the Tories. Crapfuck.
0145 - But Labour hold Tooting. And Nick is poking Warren Ellis. I'm not sure that's a safe idea.
0153 - So there's been 57 results in, and there's apparently a swing of 4% overall to the Tories to Labour.
0202 - Tories hold Staffordshire South (the guy I saw earlier on the TV), while Exeter stays with Labour.
0209 - And while I ran off for a bathroom break, Labour got Glasgow East and Dunfermline. And Newport East. And others besides. And the Tories got several too. How long was I up there?
0216 - The cats have wandered in to see why Nick keeps yelling obscenities at the TV. Meanwhile, Broxtowe, a key seat for what I assume is all three parties, is having a recount.
0221 - After keeping us in suspense for fucking ages, Vale of Glamorgan goes to the Tories. Now Montgomeryshire is also going to the Tories, although they're at least livening it up by announcing in Welsh and making us guess.
0223 - I should probably stop feeding Nick the results. My drunken swearing is making him misspell everything. At leasy I might want to speak slower.
0227 - And the Tories take Basildon South. Their candidate looks a bit like Simon Cowell.
0234 - uh-oh. Chester jusr called, and the Tories gained the seat. That's one of the places that had some... "issues" with people voting. And it was close.
0245 - Lib Dems gained Eastborne yet lost... somewhere else. They talk too much over stuff. And crapfuck again, Tories gained Stafford.
0249 - i think I've given up on the drinking game. Now I'm just drinking.
0253 - the big argument right now is whether or not Gordon Brown is going to be able to form a coalition government (or even if he'll be allowed to, despite it being in the fucking constitution) and who he might form it with. Personally, we of course want a Labour-LibDem coalition, but it does look like the Tories are going to get a big say. Sigh.
0256 - david Cameron was apparently up against Jesus this year, as well as the Monster Raving Loony Part if I remember correctly. Of course, Cameron walks away with it. (Monster Raving Loonies got 234). Apparently he was also standing against Tolstoy!
0301 - interesting. In Cameron's speech he's making the point that they're winning seats, but not that he thinks they'll outright win. Clear proof - to my vodka-addled brain and fingers - that Cameron is expecting a hung parliament. But also probably that he's going to claim that he gets to run it.
0319 - The Tory being interviewed by Paxman just went very quiet and is desperately trying to dodge the question of whether they would do a deal with the Lib Dems.
0322 - And Disgusted of Tumbridge Wells is still Tory.
0323 - Fuck-a-doodle-doo. Newton Abbot (next to Torbay) went Tory. Recommencing drinking.
0327 - Nick and I just argued for several minutes over who we voted for. He's tired, I'm drunk; we barely know what we did this afternoon right now. (We're both reasonably sure that we both voted Lib Dem). And Dimbleby doesn't like Leylandii hedges.
0332 - Lib Dems have gained Burnley. Bill Wyman is a Tory. My image of aged rockers has been destroyed.
0345 - So. Idea. The three leaders have to share 10 Downing street, like a flatshare. Cue a sitcom that would be like a cross between Friends and Yes, Prime Minister.
0354 - The guy (or a guy) from the people who organise the polling stations is saying that things wouldn't change because there would still be only one register to tick people's names off on. Personally, I don't see why why we don't give the officers a Palm Pilot or something each with the register shared across the network, and have them mark it off that way.
0357 - The result for Stoke-on-Trent North (not ours, but next to us) is in and it's a Labour hold. Hopefully that bodes well for us - we'll take a Labour win, even if the MP's been parachuted in. I'm sure I can get him working.
0405 - In one piece of good news (of a sort); we now have our first two female Asian MPs in the UK.
0414 - Watching Ian Hislop talking about the political situation as it is now (past 4am and no clear winner) is good to entertain and keep me awake at this point.
0417 - As an aside, Stoke-on-Trent central was estimated to announce the winner at around 3am. But of course we have to count slow.
0419 - Wow, Swindon South is excitable for this time in the morning.
0429 - And the results for Stoke-on-Trent Central are in. Labour won with 12, 605, and the Lib Dems were second. We voted Lib Dem, but we'll take the Labour win. BNP, however, came 4th with 2,502. FUCK.
0433 - There are rumours that there's a challenge to Gordon Brown. I'm assuming that's as well as the one over who get's to be PM on Monday.
0442 - I think I'm going to stagger to bed. Our local result is in, and there are very few others I'm interested in, especially as it's so likely we're getting a hung parliament now. (While I'd like to stay up to see Nick Griffin fail to win, I don't think I can wait for the count in Barking.) goodnight all, I'll have a coherent thought or so in the morning/afternoon/whenever.
Of course, the polls don't actually close for another half hour or so and so neither does the BBC's live coverage, so until that all starts I'm going off to clean a couple of glasses and come up with some more rules for the drinking game. So far we've got:
- every time your party wins a seat, take a sip.
- every time Peter Snow looks to be getting overly excited about the Swingometer, take a sip.
- whenever Jeremy Paxman shoots down an MP in an interview, take two sips.
- if Jeremy Paxman breaks an MP (reducing them to tears, making them swear live on air etc) drain your glass.
- if the BNP win a seat, drain your glass.
2200 - and we start. Nick's Kronenberg was a week out of date so he did a few scientific tests before deciding to drink it. The exit polls are suggesting that we're heading towards a hung parliament so far, but of course that all depends on them predicting behaviours.
2204 - apparently there were long queues at some polling stations right up to closing time. When Nick and I voted we were the only ones there, but then again we voted at lunchtime. Bad luck for people who were still queuing at 10pm - Nick tells me they're just turned away.
2206 - Nick is tweeting through the election results, btw, at @EbonBear.
2209 - Sunderland is doing it's usual mad rush to try to be the first to declare, as usual. Making schoolchildren run with boxes full of paper. Sounds like the world's most sadistic sports day relay race.
2221 - Paxman interviewing some politicians about the exit poll and hung parliament. Sadly he didn't make Mandelson cry, but I hold out hope.
2226 - Nick also suggests following this website, FiveThirtyEight.com who did wonderful things with the numbers in the US elections and is doing much the same with ours now.
2231 - now we have a journalist interviewing rich people. And Bruce Forsythe hamming it up (not to mention Ben Kingsley). I demand some actual results and stuff!
2238 - Nick just applauded Alan Johnson for something he said. Shame I missed it due to needing to scratch my nose. Paxman is really looking for someone to impale tonight though.
2243 - And now apparently the police are being called to break up the queues of people still trying to queue to vote after the polls closed.
2249 - OK, there might be a problem brewing with the people being turned away at some polling stations, because in other places they've been allowed to vote if they were inside the building. Can you say "legal challenge"?
2251 - And Hougthon and Sunderland South has declared. It's gone to Labour with a huge majority.
2302 - And now, nothing once more. Apart from Paxman being obnoxious and Nick yelling at Paxman for being obnoxious. Poured my second drink of the night.
2305 - Teresa May is talking. I'm sure I remember when the thing she was most famous for was wearing expensive shoes at a Tory part conference.
2313 - Mariella Frostrup has been talking for just over a minute and I already want to hit something. Thank gods for Ian Hislop.
2316 - Gahh! If I wanted to know vapid celebrities' opinions on this, I'd be reading a vapid celebrity mag!
2320 - Esther Rantzen is on my screen. She either has stocks in Botox or Maybellene.
2325 - Washington and Sunderland West has declared. It's a Labour win again, with another large majority. And Pavarotti's twin appears to be standing for the Lib Dems there.
2333 - Ooh, a Tory candidate from Staffordshire (not ours, I don't think the guy on the screen could belly dance too well). Talk of marginals and whether the exit poll numbers will actualy hold up.
2340 - it may be the alcohol, but George Osbourne is looking a little like a middle-aged Ianto Jones to me right now.
2341 - Sunderland Central declared. Labour won there, which is good. Apparently the Tories had a chance of winning this one. Tories did get 12k to Labour's 19k though, which is too damn close when you look at complicated things like swings and the like.
2345 - I admit, I'm worried that the Tories got gain an overall majority here, because if they do then they would have Nick driven to suicide in a matter of months with their treatment of the disabled on benefits.
2349 - And there's the BBC, getting a few digs in at Nick Griffin.
2357 - Give him a pencil moustache, and David Milbrand looks a lot like Gomez Addams.
0000 - As things progress though, it's becoming more and more clear that the increasing reports of problems people have in voting are going to be very important after the dust has settled and the parties decide what to do next. If Labour/Lib Dems manage a legal challenge over it, we could end up having to do this all over again.
0011 - We're having an anarchy! From the BBC website: "Sky News is showing footage of a dispute between would-be voters and election officials in Islington South, after dozens were turned away when polls closed at 10pm. There are also reports that some failed voters in Sheffield are blocking roads around polling stations to stop ballot boxes being removed." Also, there's a bomb threat in Northern Ireland.
0014 - Joan Collins is on my screen, supporting the Tories. She still hasn't aged.
0023 - Whoever the Lib Dem guy who Paxman is talking to is sensible, pointing out the Tories' hypocrasy over their claim that they should be in charge even if they don't get a majority.
0026 - Tories are claiming - via Twitter - that they've taken Battersey. BBC has no confirmation of this.
0033 - More breaking news: York reports that hundreds of postal votes have gone missing. This is turning into an episode of the Keystone elections.
0039 - While I've been watching a woman from the Electoral Commission try to explain the disaster that this is becoming, South Tyrone (Northern Ireland) declared for Sinn Fein.
0041 - And Sinn Fein hold West Tyrone as well.
0042 - Or maybe it was the DUP in South Tyrone. I shouldn't be trying to follow these results while drunk.
0044 - North Antrim, not South Tyrone. Ian Paisley Jr.
0048 - Belfast East declares for... Alliance party, which if I'm interpreting correctly is the Northern Ireland version of the Lib Dems. They unseated the first minister by 22.9%.
0051 - I'm confused!
0052 - someone at the election party on a boat in London thinks we should just do this all again next month.
0058 - Okay, thanks to this BBC page, I think I know what's going on again.
0103 - and the Tories get their first gain in Kingswood, from Labour by 5.1%. I think.
0108 - Results are in for Broxborne (Tory hold), Torbay (Lib Dem hold, but bloody close) and Rutherglen (Labour hold).
0113 - Torbay, incidentally, is not only Nick's home town, but also was the Tories "target seat" number 57.
0120 - Labour are also holding Sedgefield, a place in Wales I can't spell and Motherwall in Scotland. Tories have held Filton.
0126 - endless shots of Gordon Brown at the count in his home constituency of Kirkcaldy. I don't see the point of seeing MPs endlessly shaking hands with people if we're not getting their results or someone's doing something entertaining, like juggling chainsaws.
0129 - David Blunkett is being a Debbie Downer, saying he thinks Labour has lost. Sure, he might be thinking that the way forward is a coalition government, but saying it like that isn't going to help.
0132 - Durham and Kirkcaldy are declaring at the same time. Brown held his seat (and there's a weird guy with his hand in a raised fist there too, don't know what the hell he's doing), and I think Durham was held by Labour too.
0139 - finally, the guy with the raised fist put it down. Even he couldn't hold it through Brown's victory speech.
0143 - Tory results are suddenly sailing in. One of them is Ken Clarke's, but I have no idea which. Currently Labour have 22 seats, Tories have 9, Lib Dems have 4 and "Other" have 11.
0144 - And Labour lost Battersea to the Tories. Crapfuck.
0145 - But Labour hold Tooting. And Nick is poking Warren Ellis. I'm not sure that's a safe idea.
0153 - So there's been 57 results in, and there's apparently a swing of 4% overall to the Tories to Labour.
0202 - Tories hold Staffordshire South (the guy I saw earlier on the TV), while Exeter stays with Labour.
0209 - And while I ran off for a bathroom break, Labour got Glasgow East and Dunfermline. And Newport East. And others besides. And the Tories got several too. How long was I up there?
0216 - The cats have wandered in to see why Nick keeps yelling obscenities at the TV. Meanwhile, Broxtowe, a key seat for what I assume is all three parties, is having a recount.
0221 - After keeping us in suspense for fucking ages, Vale of Glamorgan goes to the Tories. Now Montgomeryshire is also going to the Tories, although they're at least livening it up by announcing in Welsh and making us guess.
0223 - I should probably stop feeding Nick the results. My drunken swearing is making him misspell everything. At leasy I might want to speak slower.
0227 - And the Tories take Basildon South. Their candidate looks a bit like Simon Cowell.
0234 - uh-oh. Chester jusr called, and the Tories gained the seat. That's one of the places that had some... "issues" with people voting. And it was close.
0245 - Lib Dems gained Eastborne yet lost... somewhere else. They talk too much over stuff. And crapfuck again, Tories gained Stafford.
0249 - i think I've given up on the drinking game. Now I'm just drinking.
0253 - the big argument right now is whether or not Gordon Brown is going to be able to form a coalition government (or even if he'll be allowed to, despite it being in the fucking constitution) and who he might form it with. Personally, we of course want a Labour-LibDem coalition, but it does look like the Tories are going to get a big say. Sigh.
0256 - david Cameron was apparently up against Jesus this year, as well as the Monster Raving Loony Part if I remember correctly. Of course, Cameron walks away with it. (Monster Raving Loonies got 234). Apparently he was also standing against Tolstoy!
0301 - interesting. In Cameron's speech he's making the point that they're winning seats, but not that he thinks they'll outright win. Clear proof - to my vodka-addled brain and fingers - that Cameron is expecting a hung parliament. But also probably that he's going to claim that he gets to run it.
0319 - The Tory being interviewed by Paxman just went very quiet and is desperately trying to dodge the question of whether they would do a deal with the Lib Dems.
0322 - And Disgusted of Tumbridge Wells is still Tory.
0323 - Fuck-a-doodle-doo. Newton Abbot (next to Torbay) went Tory. Recommencing drinking.
0327 - Nick and I just argued for several minutes over who we voted for. He's tired, I'm drunk; we barely know what we did this afternoon right now. (We're both reasonably sure that we both voted Lib Dem). And Dimbleby doesn't like Leylandii hedges.
0332 - Lib Dems have gained Burnley. Bill Wyman is a Tory. My image of aged rockers has been destroyed.
0345 - So. Idea. The three leaders have to share 10 Downing street, like a flatshare. Cue a sitcom that would be like a cross between Friends and Yes, Prime Minister.
0354 - The guy (or a guy) from the people who organise the polling stations is saying that things wouldn't change because there would still be only one register to tick people's names off on. Personally, I don't see why why we don't give the officers a Palm Pilot or something each with the register shared across the network, and have them mark it off that way.
0357 - The result for Stoke-on-Trent North (not ours, but next to us) is in and it's a Labour hold. Hopefully that bodes well for us - we'll take a Labour win, even if the MP's been parachuted in. I'm sure I can get him working.
0405 - In one piece of good news (of a sort); we now have our first two female Asian MPs in the UK.
0414 - Watching Ian Hislop talking about the political situation as it is now (past 4am and no clear winner) is good to entertain and keep me awake at this point.
0417 - As an aside, Stoke-on-Trent central was estimated to announce the winner at around 3am. But of course we have to count slow.
0419 - Wow, Swindon South is excitable for this time in the morning.
0429 - And the results for Stoke-on-Trent Central are in. Labour won with 12, 605, and the Lib Dems were second. We voted Lib Dem, but we'll take the Labour win. BNP, however, came 4th with 2,502. FUCK.
0433 - There are rumours that there's a challenge to Gordon Brown. I'm assuming that's as well as the one over who get's to be PM on Monday.
0442 - I think I'm going to stagger to bed. Our local result is in, and there are very few others I'm interested in, especially as it's so likely we're getting a hung parliament now. (While I'd like to stay up to see Nick Griffin fail to win, I don't think I can wait for the count in Barking.) goodnight all, I'll have a coherent thought or so in the morning/afternoon/whenever.