a blast from the past.
I stumbled across the online journal of a girl I once liked. I read an old posting... and suddenly some of her behavior toward me in the past 3 years became not only explained, but justified. I was referred to as "the hearbreaker"... holy cow. I cant help but wonder how communication from her siblings was twisted that led her to believe that I was still in love with her long after I simply liked her (was never in love...). I was accountability partners with her brother, and he had to have broken the inherant trust that exists in that friendship, and told her of some of the things that I once said about her during my crush. It's no wonder she avoided me for nearly my entire education and why contact info has been non existant since then.
This saddens me. She was a great friend. True, I had a silly crush... but things such as a valentines survival kit for the single person was apparently were twisted into romantic intentions. Then during a visit long ago, back to Ohio... through the lense of me being head over heals for her... all my actions during that trip were analyzed as romantically charged. I asked her brother, believing at the time I could trust him, simply if she had found someone at school. Not because I was wanting to make a move... just because I wanted to know what was up with a dear friend. I will further admit that I revisited the idea of a crush when I first moved into ONU... but I did soon come to realize... she wasnt the one. The posting had a lot of anger and resentment toward me for my feelings... and for her questioning her behavior around me, wondering if she had led me on.
Long ago she read this journal... dont know if she still does. I doubt it. But if she still does, or if I had the opportunity, would want to let her know that I'm happy for her new life... that I'm sorry for the pain I had apparently caused. i'm sorry for making her cry. I was stupid... it was a stupid crush nearly five years ago... and now I look at the absence of that friendship and wish that perhaps I had communicated more directly to her, and not through other people.
This saddens me. She was a great friend. True, I had a silly crush... but things such as a valentines survival kit for the single person was apparently were twisted into romantic intentions. Then during a visit long ago, back to Ohio... through the lense of me being head over heals for her... all my actions during that trip were analyzed as romantically charged. I asked her brother, believing at the time I could trust him, simply if she had found someone at school. Not because I was wanting to make a move... just because I wanted to know what was up with a dear friend. I will further admit that I revisited the idea of a crush when I first moved into ONU... but I did soon come to realize... she wasnt the one. The posting had a lot of anger and resentment toward me for my feelings... and for her questioning her behavior around me, wondering if she had led me on.
Long ago she read this journal... dont know if she still does. I doubt it. But if she still does, or if I had the opportunity, would want to let her know that I'm happy for her new life... that I'm sorry for the pain I had apparently caused. i'm sorry for making her cry. I was stupid... it was a stupid crush nearly five years ago... and now I look at the absence of that friendship and wish that perhaps I had communicated more directly to her, and not through other people.