Meta essay - Supernatural 'Heart'
I know I usually refer to this place as a graphics journal, but I'm thinking of changing that to my creative journal. So I can start posting a wider variety of things here for public consumption (be gentle!). Waffling aside, here be my first real meta essay...
My meta essay re: Dean’s tear in ‘Heart’. Kind of long windy, but hopefully not tl:dr!
A little back-story into the existence of this meta, if you will allow me. For the first time since this show began, I was spoilt for this episode. In that I knew about the Sam!Sex and the werewolf theme. I knew nothing beyond that, but the Sam!Sex was enough to reel me in like a cartoon character following that cloud of nummy!food smell into the bear trap. I spent a full day after the episode aired in the US in tortured agony avoiding my Flist like it had the plague (apart from one lapse in judgement that I paid for) as I waited for my copy to download. All of this ensured that I was *super* hyped to see this week’s instalment, to the point that I ditched all lesson plans and marking (responsible teacher, ahoy!) in order to watch.
I watched - my heart pounded, raced and broke all in a forty-minute span. I went from feeling amused, curious, grossed out, amused again, awkward, hot and heart-broken so fast it made my head spin. This, however, wasn’t atypical as every Supernatural episode has a similar effect on me. Watching Sam break was heart wrenching, but I remained dry eyed. However, the one solitary tear at the end of this episode killed me dead.
So, hopefully having recovered from this, I will now share why this one solitary tear spoke volumes re: the brothers’ road to this point and what this means for the future.
(Another reason for this meta was the surprisingly large number of people who loved the episode but considered the tear to be terrible OOC and pointless. Maybe I can persuade you otherwise??)
Silent Lucidity
I don’t intend to focus on the episode as a whole as that is a whole ‘nother meta waiting(begging) to be written and I have a class to teach in an hour! Instead, let’s look closer at the final scene at Madison’s apartment.
* Sam is silent as he processes the inevitability of what was about to happen, still unwilling to give up the fight, but slowly coming around.
* Dean, who understands Sam’s inner turmoil much better than what he gives away, spares his brother the pain of voicing the inevitable and in an apologetic and regretful manner he lists the future possibilities to Madison. I’d like to add a sidebar here and say this is one of the very few times that Dean shows compassion (albeit in his Dean way) to the ‘evil’ that they hunt. Remember that to Dean, all supernatural beings are evil and hence all should be killed. He likes to go in guns blazing, a la Rick from The Mummy (bad comparison, don’t shoot me!). It is Sam who points out the finer distinction of being supernatural and being supernatural&evil.
* Madison processes this in a manner I feel far too calm for one in her circumstance, but that’s just me.
* Sam, still processing, verbalises his pain. (The fangirls begin to sniffle)
* Madison then pulls out the big guns; the double-edged, serrated-for-extra-pain butchers knife; the heat-seeking kamikaze and turns to Sam, tears a’streaming and begs him to kill her. Her wording is significant:
‘I can’t do it myself; I need you to help me. I can’t live like this…You tried, I know you tried, this is all there is left. Help me, Sam, I want you to do it. This is the way you can save me. Please. I’m asking you to save me.’
It’s like a ghostly echo of the time that drunk!Sam extracted a similar promise out of Dean after he learnt of his ‘destiny’ (with less Tequila and manhandling), except now with Sam being put in his brother’s shoes. Also, Madison sees her future as a fate worse than death - becoming someone she’s not, having no memory/control of her actions, taking lives, hurting others… and so dying would be a more acceptable fate. Which, again, is exactly Sam’s motivation in Playthings.
* Sam’s fighting still. Really, that boy. Anyhow, Dean steps to the fore and takes the gun (which is actually quite a pretty gun. Ahem, back to the meta…) away from Madison. She keeps her eyes trained firmly on Sam, just as Dean is doing. Then, the moment that reality and inevitability comes crashing painfully down on Sam’s hope. Sam looks up at Dean, acknowledges that this must be and walks away before the pain envelopes him entirely.
* Dean, grieving for his brother (though, not all of it is showing yet - typically Dean), follows Sam out of the room to the strains of Queensryche’s Silent Lucidity. Now this is important. As soon as Sam left, Dean could have finished the job then and there. But instead, he chose to go after his brother and in his Dean-way ask permission to finish what needed to be finished.
* Sam takes a moment to break apart before banding together his courage, complete with shoulder hitch and jerky inhale. With tears flowing freely he pulls together the courage that eluded Dean in BuaBS and finished what Madison asked (or so we presume).
* It’s that courage that’s the nail in the coffin for Dean, that courage that I feel is the main driving force behind that tear. For reasons I shall now divulge…
Let’s back track slightly.
As mentioned and as we all know, Sam extracted a promise out of Dean in Playthings, a promise borne out of desperation, despair and an inordinate amount of courage. Sam fears going darkside, so much so that his current working theory is that if he errs so far to the side of the light, those long spindly fingers of the night won’t be able to get their claws into him. I think that Sam considers that something essential within him is already evil, hence giving him abilities, and it’s just biding its time. I don’t think that Sam has considered the possibility that his abilities are just abilities and that evil are planning on utilising them, rather than them being the root of evil. Me, I don’t know which to be true and don’t particularly wish to speculate as I like the 100mph blows to the gut that Kripke and co deliver consistently so fantastically well.
Back to the point - Sam considers this trip to the darkside as a fate worse than death and puts faith in the one person he can be sure that will be at his side when/if the time comes to pass. Thus, extracting that promise from Dean.
Talking of Dean… how many times can you kick this puppy before you realise that none of it compares to what he does to himself (as MegDemon helpfully pointed out)? Seriously, Dean has three heavy loads on his shoulders -
1.the fate of his Dad after the deal with the YED
2.the fate of Sammy/instructions from John
3.the promise he made to Sam
Not really going to touch on 1 for this meta. And, yes, I split the last two as I do believe them to be two distinct things - see end of BuaBS for proof.
He considers the instructions from John as an order, but he questions it ‘What kind of Father puts that on his kids?’ He considers this in order because it is too deeply ingrained in him not too.
However, Dean is not even considering that the promise he made to Sam will ever play out. He will always find another way. Again, look to BuaBS (or above quote) for proof. ‘I’d rather die’
As mentioned, MegDemon’s observation of no matter what she did to Dean, it still didn’t compare with what he did to himself was absolutely spot on, but in my humble opinion, I think that is a good thing. Meaning that no matter what you throw at him and try to get him to break, it won’t work for he stands up despite what he does to himself anyway. Despite all the guilt, the abuse and the belittling, Dean did not surrender or yield to despair. In that episode, he never broke, he never gave up. I think the experience of BUaBS helped Dean come to terms with his mission from John and make peace with it. But this peace has come with resolve, determination and a stubborn conviction that failure is not an option. Sam, when Dad told me that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn’t save you. Now, if it’s the last thing I do, I’m gonna save you.’
Sam tries (half-heartedly) to make Dean see that maybe one day Dean *will* have to fulfil his promise, no matter how much he doesn’t want too. But Dean is still adamant.
’You can’t run from this. And you can’t protect me.’
‘I can try’
With such faith, failure doesn’t even rate as a possibility.
Right?
Back to Heart and that tear… after leading you through all of that, I present to you my working theory behind the slow zoom, the lip wobble and the involuntary overspill…
Sam was put in the same position Dean found himself in Playthings (the promise/pleading) and in BUaBS (the reality) and possibly might again. And somehow, Sam reached into a place inside of him and drew his strength and courage and went through with it. Despite his belief that saving one soul at a time would redeem himself. Or, maybe because of it. Dean couldn’t do it in BUaBS and is no-where close to being able to do it any time in the future. And he knows this. And so he grieves for his own loss of faith and conviction re: saving Sam.
The tear also symbolises another scar/wound that Dean can't shield his brother from. Dean tried to spare Sam the pain, but Sam wouldn't let him. He knew that what Sam had to do was right and he knew that Sam having to do it was also right but seeing that it broke Sam yet he still managed to do it broke Dean for he knew that one day Sam's courage in that moment will come back and haunt him.
And the main reason (for me), the reason why this show works so well is the deep bond the brothers have (in a totally plutonic way - I’m not waving the Wincest banner at this time). A bond that often goes beyond words, like in that moment of crushing reality when Dean took the gun from Madison. Sam is all Dean has. Dean measures his life against the actions and reactions of his brother and father and seeing as [in his eyes] Dean has already failed his father, his only redemption is saving Sam against anything and everything (ref: his resolve at the end of BUaBS discussed above). So for Sam having to kill Madison, it also killed a part of him inside, the part that we saw at the end of Roadkill ‘Hope is kinda the point.’ - ie, the optimist. And so Dean died along with Sammy at the shot (see the flinch and the lip wobble?) because Dean couldn’t save him.
And that’s the whole point, right?
(friend me to recieve the latest updates)
My meta essay re: Dean’s tear in ‘Heart’. Kind of long windy, but hopefully not tl:dr!
A little back-story into the existence of this meta, if you will allow me. For the first time since this show began, I was spoilt for this episode. In that I knew about the Sam!Sex and the werewolf theme. I knew nothing beyond that, but the Sam!Sex was enough to reel me in like a cartoon character following that cloud of nummy!food smell into the bear trap. I spent a full day after the episode aired in the US in tortured agony avoiding my Flist like it had the plague (apart from one lapse in judgement that I paid for) as I waited for my copy to download. All of this ensured that I was *super* hyped to see this week’s instalment, to the point that I ditched all lesson plans and marking (responsible teacher, ahoy!) in order to watch.
I watched - my heart pounded, raced and broke all in a forty-minute span. I went from feeling amused, curious, grossed out, amused again, awkward, hot and heart-broken so fast it made my head spin. This, however, wasn’t atypical as every Supernatural episode has a similar effect on me. Watching Sam break was heart wrenching, but I remained dry eyed. However, the one solitary tear at the end of this episode killed me dead.
So, hopefully having recovered from this, I will now share why this one solitary tear spoke volumes re: the brothers’ road to this point and what this means for the future.
(Another reason for this meta was the surprisingly large number of people who loved the episode but considered the tear to be terrible OOC and pointless. Maybe I can persuade you otherwise??)
Silent Lucidity
I don’t intend to focus on the episode as a whole as that is a whole ‘nother meta waiting(begging) to be written and I have a class to teach in an hour! Instead, let’s look closer at the final scene at Madison’s apartment.
* Sam is silent as he processes the inevitability of what was about to happen, still unwilling to give up the fight, but slowly coming around.
* Dean, who understands Sam’s inner turmoil much better than what he gives away, spares his brother the pain of voicing the inevitable and in an apologetic and regretful manner he lists the future possibilities to Madison. I’d like to add a sidebar here and say this is one of the very few times that Dean shows compassion (albeit in his Dean way) to the ‘evil’ that they hunt. Remember that to Dean, all supernatural beings are evil and hence all should be killed. He likes to go in guns blazing, a la Rick from The Mummy (bad comparison, don’t shoot me!). It is Sam who points out the finer distinction of being supernatural and being supernatural&evil.
* Madison processes this in a manner I feel far too calm for one in her circumstance, but that’s just me.
* Sam, still processing, verbalises his pain. (The fangirls begin to sniffle)
* Madison then pulls out the big guns; the double-edged, serrated-for-extra-pain butchers knife; the heat-seeking kamikaze and turns to Sam, tears a’streaming and begs him to kill her. Her wording is significant:
‘I can’t do it myself; I need you to help me. I can’t live like this…You tried, I know you tried, this is all there is left. Help me, Sam, I want you to do it. This is the way you can save me. Please. I’m asking you to save me.’
It’s like a ghostly echo of the time that drunk!Sam extracted a similar promise out of Dean after he learnt of his ‘destiny’ (with less Tequila and manhandling), except now with Sam being put in his brother’s shoes. Also, Madison sees her future as a fate worse than death - becoming someone she’s not, having no memory/control of her actions, taking lives, hurting others… and so dying would be a more acceptable fate. Which, again, is exactly Sam’s motivation in Playthings.
* Sam’s fighting still. Really, that boy. Anyhow, Dean steps to the fore and takes the gun (which is actually quite a pretty gun. Ahem, back to the meta…) away from Madison. She keeps her eyes trained firmly on Sam, just as Dean is doing. Then, the moment that reality and inevitability comes crashing painfully down on Sam’s hope. Sam looks up at Dean, acknowledges that this must be and walks away before the pain envelopes him entirely.
* Dean, grieving for his brother (though, not all of it is showing yet - typically Dean), follows Sam out of the room to the strains of Queensryche’s Silent Lucidity. Now this is important. As soon as Sam left, Dean could have finished the job then and there. But instead, he chose to go after his brother and in his Dean-way ask permission to finish what needed to be finished.
* Sam takes a moment to break apart before banding together his courage, complete with shoulder hitch and jerky inhale. With tears flowing freely he pulls together the courage that eluded Dean in BuaBS and finished what Madison asked (or so we presume).
* It’s that courage that’s the nail in the coffin for Dean, that courage that I feel is the main driving force behind that tear. For reasons I shall now divulge…
Let’s back track slightly.
As mentioned and as we all know, Sam extracted a promise out of Dean in Playthings, a promise borne out of desperation, despair and an inordinate amount of courage. Sam fears going darkside, so much so that his current working theory is that if he errs so far to the side of the light, those long spindly fingers of the night won’t be able to get their claws into him. I think that Sam considers that something essential within him is already evil, hence giving him abilities, and it’s just biding its time. I don’t think that Sam has considered the possibility that his abilities are just abilities and that evil are planning on utilising them, rather than them being the root of evil. Me, I don’t know which to be true and don’t particularly wish to speculate as I like the 100mph blows to the gut that Kripke and co deliver consistently so fantastically well.
Back to the point - Sam considers this trip to the darkside as a fate worse than death and puts faith in the one person he can be sure that will be at his side when/if the time comes to pass. Thus, extracting that promise from Dean.
Talking of Dean… how many times can you kick this puppy before you realise that none of it compares to what he does to himself (as MegDemon helpfully pointed out)? Seriously, Dean has three heavy loads on his shoulders -
1.the fate of his Dad after the deal with the YED
2.the fate of Sammy/instructions from John
3.the promise he made to Sam
Not really going to touch on 1 for this meta. And, yes, I split the last two as I do believe them to be two distinct things - see end of BuaBS for proof.
He considers the instructions from John as an order, but he questions it ‘What kind of Father puts that on his kids?’ He considers this in order because it is too deeply ingrained in him not too.
However, Dean is not even considering that the promise he made to Sam will ever play out. He will always find another way. Again, look to BuaBS (or above quote) for proof. ‘I’d rather die’
As mentioned, MegDemon’s observation of no matter what she did to Dean, it still didn’t compare with what he did to himself was absolutely spot on, but in my humble opinion, I think that is a good thing. Meaning that no matter what you throw at him and try to get him to break, it won’t work for he stands up despite what he does to himself anyway. Despite all the guilt, the abuse and the belittling, Dean did not surrender or yield to despair. In that episode, he never broke, he never gave up. I think the experience of BUaBS helped Dean come to terms with his mission from John and make peace with it. But this peace has come with resolve, determination and a stubborn conviction that failure is not an option. Sam, when Dad told me that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn’t save you. Now, if it’s the last thing I do, I’m gonna save you.’
Sam tries (half-heartedly) to make Dean see that maybe one day Dean *will* have to fulfil his promise, no matter how much he doesn’t want too. But Dean is still adamant.
’You can’t run from this. And you can’t protect me.’
‘I can try’
With such faith, failure doesn’t even rate as a possibility.
Right?
Back to Heart and that tear… after leading you through all of that, I present to you my working theory behind the slow zoom, the lip wobble and the involuntary overspill…
Sam was put in the same position Dean found himself in Playthings (the promise/pleading) and in BUaBS (the reality) and possibly might again. And somehow, Sam reached into a place inside of him and drew his strength and courage and went through with it. Despite his belief that saving one soul at a time would redeem himself. Or, maybe because of it. Dean couldn’t do it in BUaBS and is no-where close to being able to do it any time in the future. And he knows this. And so he grieves for his own loss of faith and conviction re: saving Sam.
The tear also symbolises another scar/wound that Dean can't shield his brother from. Dean tried to spare Sam the pain, but Sam wouldn't let him. He knew that what Sam had to do was right and he knew that Sam having to do it was also right but seeing that it broke Sam yet he still managed to do it broke Dean for he knew that one day Sam's courage in that moment will come back and haunt him.
And the main reason (for me), the reason why this show works so well is the deep bond the brothers have (in a totally plutonic way - I’m not waving the Wincest banner at this time). A bond that often goes beyond words, like in that moment of crushing reality when Dean took the gun from Madison. Sam is all Dean has. Dean measures his life against the actions and reactions of his brother and father and seeing as [in his eyes] Dean has already failed his father, his only redemption is saving Sam against anything and everything (ref: his resolve at the end of BUaBS discussed above). So for Sam having to kill Madison, it also killed a part of him inside, the part that we saw at the end of Roadkill ‘Hope is kinda the point.’ - ie, the optimist. And so Dean died along with Sammy at the shot (see the flinch and the lip wobble?) because Dean couldn’t save him.
And that’s the whole point, right?
(friend me to recieve the latest updates)