Bad Day.
Today was a not good day. Mostly. I'm horrible at anatomy. We all know this, and as evidence, I submit my constant frustrations and breakdowns when attempting to do my anatomy homework for the week. Which always lead to me going for the sleepless Wednesdays. So, yeah. Anatomy was bad. The worst part of it was being told by my teacher that I shouldn't be here. She basically said that I clearly don't understand the content and I'm obviously incapable of succeeding in this field. On top of not sleeping, being helplessly buried in massive amounts of impossible homework, and boy frustrations, that was enough to make me almost break down and cry in the middle of class. The horrible thing is that she's right. I'm clearly the worst out of my entire group in all of our classes. I work and stress twice as hard and manage to get below a quarter of the same quality as everyone else. The only thing I have to put in my defence is that I really am trying. I'm trying so goddamned hard, I just.... don't understand. Like anatomy, Phyllis is a wonderful woman, but she's.... impossible to follow. And we all know I'm retarded, so I'm just completely screwed. But I try so hard to understand, and I'm apparently the only person in the class who still measures things with the calipers. Which I do wrong, because I forget what I've corrected and what I've measured and... whatever. I just can't deal with it. In Pictorial Foundation, it's the same old story: Great concept, shitty execution. And a lot of times I make careless mistakes or I let the cat fuck it up for me. Typography's a joke. I could be doing a more competent job at teaching that class so I don't even count it as anything other than a Monday-morning annoyance. But I actually have to write papers for Writing and Art History, plus I have to memorize those things and worry about the quizzes. I have two papers to write this weekend, one of which require going to a museum on 22nd and South or something like that. But I have to do those and still find time to do Pict Found and Anatomy. And organize Goth Night. I just want a couple of days off of school and work to catch up with all the work I have for school. I want some time to go home and just hang out with my sister and my best friend and watch House and read comics. Or just get a really good night's sleep and a glass of extra-pulp orange juice. I can't handle the stress of this year, and I'm only halfway through the first semester! If I'm cracking already, what kind of a chance do I stand for next semseter? Or next year? I keep having miniature panic attacks whenever I catch myself thinking about these things. It sucks. But.... fuckin' Phyllis. I wouldn't have got on this if she hadn't spoken truthfully and made me feel even shittier than usual.