(no subject)
So YEA. Everyone is there for me, everyone is willing to have my back, until i actually need them. JASON is the only one who's been there, LIKE AT ALL. I love my friends to death, but they suck with the way they dont answer their phones, or stick to plans. They find excuses, truth or not, which end in me being alone. Smoked out, didnt have my phone, dont wanna get sick, what ever, im still alone. I need to be distracted, i stopped crying, get lost in thought but still come up dry, still upset but i can handle my life at this point. finding solace in little things i do. Dont have time for much, even when i do, its used up in things i have to do not want to. This new job sucks ass, i hurt all over, i cant unwind because im so stressed about everything. Doing the dishes, doing laundry, vaccuming, are all tasks that are painstaking. I'm broke because i havnt gotten a descent pay check in a month, had to pay my bills, and have to you know, EAT. i have no money to join the gym and get that started. But these are all excuses for me to procrastinate. but its a viscious circle again, i just wish i could sleep for a week, wake up, have 3,000 in my bank account, and pay off everything. Not be in debt, not have to divvy up my pay checks and have $10 for the next two weeks. I'm a horrible saver now. When i got my job at Zupkos, i had 1,000 in my account shortly after, i havnt seen 100 stay in there for more than a week with in the past year. Mostly because if i wanted to get out and do soemthing i'd have to pay for 2. If it wasnt brian it was someone else. Not complaining about that, i chose to do it, just stating, that i got used to having to do it and started doing it too often. either way i should've been asleep an hour ago, but you know me, cant sleep, stimulate yourself n play games, i dont think i'll ever be able to fix this.