stolen from archers_elegant
Dear Dogs and Cats,
Dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The otherdishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw printin the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for itbecoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasingin the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCARand is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorryabout this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch toensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball whenthey sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to eachother stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know thatsticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the otherend to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the lasttime, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracleI beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessaryto claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under theedge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door Ientered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years ... canine orfeline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter whois short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.