I feel. . .
Last night I was hit with a wave of uneasiness and discomfort that was just short of ahving a panic attack. A very mild one, mind you, but just short of it none the less. The feeling came about at around 1am or around there. It died down a little, so that I stopped shaking. It hasn't gone away, and now it's getting worse.
I don't think that I stand a chance anymore. I feel alone and unwanted. I just got yelled at becuase they guy that I talked to at Wendy's when I went in today, told me to come back on monday to set up an interview because they dont' do intervies on Weekends. Monday through Firday only. I guess I should go walking around and get more applications, this isn't looking too good anymore. I'ma waste of time, and I guess I'm not good for anything more than being the maid I have been for the past week. Matt thinks I've been bullshitting him, which I havn't. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I think there's hope for my stress level, he yells at me and he brings it right back up again. I want a job. I hate sitting around here doing nothing but cleaning all day, and not having money to help out with. Becuase of this, when I get my tax return. . . or If for that matter, I have no way of getting the rest of my W2's, I'm giving it all to Matt. I don't need to buy anything. I can stand to be poor until I see another paycheck. The next two days are going to be hard. I have to try and get something in order, or I'm going to end up out on my ass. I can only hope that I get that interview on Monday. I know Matt doesn't care anymore, so I'm going to stay locked up in this room and stay out of his way. There's nothing I can do anymore. I thought I was trying. I'm not trying hard enough. When I can breathe correctly again, adn try not to have a panic attack, I'll go back out for more applications. I can't do anything else anymore. Matt will also probably go see his friends, so I'll be here alone. Thats the last thing I need
~Kiyo
I don't think that I stand a chance anymore. I feel alone and unwanted. I just got yelled at becuase they guy that I talked to at Wendy's when I went in today, told me to come back on monday to set up an interview because they dont' do intervies on Weekends. Monday through Firday only. I guess I should go walking around and get more applications, this isn't looking too good anymore. I'ma waste of time, and I guess I'm not good for anything more than being the maid I have been for the past week. Matt thinks I've been bullshitting him, which I havn't. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I think there's hope for my stress level, he yells at me and he brings it right back up again. I want a job. I hate sitting around here doing nothing but cleaning all day, and not having money to help out with. Becuase of this, when I get my tax return. . . or If for that matter, I have no way of getting the rest of my W2's, I'm giving it all to Matt. I don't need to buy anything. I can stand to be poor until I see another paycheck. The next two days are going to be hard. I have to try and get something in order, or I'm going to end up out on my ass. I can only hope that I get that interview on Monday. I know Matt doesn't care anymore, so I'm going to stay locked up in this room and stay out of his way. There's nothing I can do anymore. I thought I was trying. I'm not trying hard enough. When I can breathe correctly again, adn try not to have a panic attack, I'll go back out for more applications. I can't do anything else anymore. Matt will also probably go see his friends, so I'll be here alone. Thats the last thing I need
~Kiyo