why couldn't she just stay gone?
Well the shadows are back over my household. Lovely. I can't understand alot of things right now. People should not be hit by other people. No matter what the relationship. That is wrong. And so I can't help it if I am not brilliant, and not beautiful, and overweight as she so bluntly put it. what the hell? Why does she feel the need to say those things to me, why does she take it upon herself to inform my friends of all my bad qualities, and things that would make them want to be away. Why is she telling a guest in our home about my medical issues as if she needed to know. I have never been one to parade the fact that I have a psychotic bitch for a mother around. On the contrary I usually let people belive she is the wonderful mother she pretends to be. But hey craw thought that too, until she moved in. As much as I can't take the woman, I have to give her credit, she is right. I will never find a guy that will love me, becuase I will be just like her, and there are millions of girls who are miles ahead of me in all aspects, so it is highly unlikely I will ever come first. direct quote. But hey I guess that one is true. It certainly seems that way. And now that I notice it, I feel like I need someone more than ever, and that scares me becuase I have never been that way. At least my dad loves me though. And I don't deserve that becuase I made him cry, the first time thats ever happened, that I am aware of, and it was my fault. I wish I could take back all of the horrible things I do, and I wish I could be the perfect girl, so he would have reason to be proud of me. according to my mother i will no longer be going to new york. remind me never to get excited about anything under her control again. It always happens. maybe this is why i can't make friends at home school, because I am not good enough. oh well, I really need someone right now, although im sure thats been made clear. I thought this would relive stress, bullshit. P.A. kids are coming to watch the one acts. The one acts that I am not in. Why? becuase i SUCK at acting. and that will further confirm that I should be a techie, as everyone tells me. Actually I sort of tell them thats what I want to be, so I have an excuse for being as bad as I am. whatever I am sick of it. I am sick of everything, and of hormones for making everything seem ten times worse than it is.