I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.
GLEEEEEEEEE! You people weren't kidding about the OTP payoff! I actually didn't claw my eyes and ears off during these episodes! It's a miracle!
Subaru tells Junya that he really does love Kiyoka! No, really! "I never even think of penis at all!" "Wait, what?"
Junya is woobie. And violent. In AT's world, it's pretty much the same thing.
Poor baby. I can't imagine dedicating three years of my life to someone only to see them to launch themself at my best friend. Do you think Asano Taeko is like Stephanie Meyer, furiously torturing her ideal lover while touching herself?
Junya has a Honey & Clover moment.
After a long, painful struggle full of eyedrops and distressed hair, he finally starts composing music again, which he'd abandoned during Kiyoka's coma. Kanon overhears and cheerfully suggests they take the music to her, to help with her recovery.
I didn't write this song for Kiyoka, Junya says. I wrote it for you.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
"Don't go anywhere. Always stay right here with me." Goodie, it only took him twenty minutes to get over Kiyoka! Bring on the wedding!
You knew it was coming, right? AT law of balance: when your characters experience even a fleeting moment of happiness, you must immediately rip it away, stomp on their face, light them on fire, and cackle maniacally. Or in this case, let your main character see a HUGE HEADLINE about her father molesting her.
I love how this was supposed to be a shock.
I never saw this coming! (Yes I did.)
Kanon can't stay, because that would be a rational decision that makes sense, so she leaves Junya a note and boards a bus for her hometown. You know what this means, right?
DRAMATIC RUN!
WORK IT BABY! PUMP IT!
"DOUMYOUJI!!" Just once I want a character to trip. "KANON-CHA-- oh shit! WHO LEFT THESE FUCKING FLOWERS SCATTERED IN THE STREET? Wait..."
Honey, I know Utahime, Utahime is a good friend of mine, and you are no Utahime.
Ep 9: Kanon confronts her brother and demands to know why he lied all this time about killing their parents. He insists that her memory is wrong, that she didn't do it. Kanon isn't buying it anymore.
Back in Yokohama, Junya is packing his shit to go to Kanon's hometown. Why didn't you just do that in the first place?
Mizuki doesn't approve, so she LOCKS JUNYA IN HIS OWN ROOM! LOL! LOLOLOL!!!
Then she stands outside his door and sweetly asks how long he can last without food or water!!! Oh my god! This is genius! She is SO FUCKING BATSHIT! I LOVE IT!
When her cunning plan falls flat, she tries a new road: seduction! Just try to resist that piece of pale, underfed tenderloin, Junya!
"You know, Subaru tried the same thing, except he brought tequila first."
RE-JEC-TION.
Back in the heartland (aka Nagano), Kanon comes home one night and sees the lucky survivor of Mizuki's scheming:
fkldjsf it's a sign of how deeply I've fallen for this guy, that his trademark smile is starting to do strange things to my heart. It's not bad acting, it's a character trait!
Go away, she says. I'm dirty.
"Bitch, please," Junya responds, "this is an Asano Taeko drama, your lifelong emotional issues will be resolved in ten minutes or not at all. Keep up."
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING SAYS? "I'LL WAIT FOR YOU. I'LL WAIT FOREVER." ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT SOUSUKE SAID WHEN HE STALKED HIS GIRLFRIEND'S PLACE? Oh my god, this is so incredibly creepy. This scene -- AT's version of ideal unyielding love -- it explains SO MUCH of Sousuke and Michiru's relationship in the second half of LF. No wonder she couldn't leave him! No wonder he was still a woobie even after all the horrific abuse! Michiru's story wasn't a battered girlfriend finding her feet, it was Asano Taeko broadcasting her insecurity issues through pretty broken boytoys. Sousuke the unrepentant rapist nutjob got the same romantic treatment as Junya the sincere sweetiepie. GOD. Suddenly LF makes so much sense, in an incredibly twisted, creepy way.
ETA: I'm not trying to say Junya is a creep (quite the opposite). It's the parallels that terrify me -- if it's romantic that Junya waited all night on Kanon, and his devotion and persistence are signs of true love, then what the fuck was she trying to say about Sousuke?
Mizuki runs into Kiyoka and serenely inflicts some psychological abuse. God, I love this psycho. Can she get her own drama?
There are no words, only crazy laughter.
Junya waits, and waits, and waits some more, until he finally wears Kanon down CONVEYS HIS LOVE!
Kanon relives her inner kdrama -- the molestation, the fire.
Junya says that he'll hold her hands until they become warm again, that he's not letting go and no matter what he'll be with her. On the count of three: EEEEEEEEE!! *__* *__* *__*
Icons! I NEED ICONS!
But remember the cardinal rule: once you're happy enough for a cuddle with your true love, someone is stalking you with a knife.
ICONS! PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE ME ICONS!
Back to the knife! Say it aint so, sisterluster!
There's a fight, and Kanon conveniently flashbacks. Sisterluster was telling the truth all along -- Kanon didn't kill their parents, he did. Her father wrestled the knife from her and sisterluster took care of the rest.
OTHER QUESTIONS THEY DID NOT ANSWER: when did Kanon lose her memory? Why did sisterluster, upon stabbing both his parents, abruptly think "oh, this double homicide needs a little arson?" And maybe the biggest mystery of all: if he lit the fire, why the fuck didn't he get Kanon out first?? (The first ep has him rescuing Kanon from the blazing inferno. LONG-TERM PLANNING, UR DOIN IT... oh, nevermind.)
"Did you regain your memory?" he asks. I -- I don't -- THAT was your plan??
"Thanks a lot for the heart attack, you fucking jackass!"
"What's that? An excuse for manpain? I'm on it."
Sisterluster has no more reason to live! He's going to kill himself! NOT ON MY WATCH, Junya says, and rips open his shirt to reveal the double W, for Wonder Woobie, with his lively sidekick, Comacunt.
Sisterluster is sobbing Evanesence lyrics while Kanon insists she needs him, no really, nevermind that she had to be emotionally and financially self-sufficient while he rotted away in prison for most of her teen years. She can't be happy if he's not there! Sisterluster is suspiciously heartbroken, by the way. I'm not at all convinced by "Kanon was my everything. Now my role is over." I think he's just upset Kanon found someone else to cuddle with. Also, he's probably jealous of Junya's hair.
"I can't believe I was attacked with a knife for your grainy re-enactment. Amateurs."
At a cold little bus stop (apparently sisterluster had to gtfo), Kanon and Junya share an OTP moment of utter sweetness. HOW DID I GET SO ATTACHED. I KNOW THIS CAN'T END WELL.
They go home...
Junya touches her arms...
YES!!! TAKE THAT, CENSORS! WOOOOOOOO!!!
AHAHAHA, I KNEW SOMEONE HAD TO MAKE A BABY!
Flash forward. EVERYONE PLAYING ASANO TAEKO BINGO, WE JUST HIT THE BIG ONE.
JUST THEN, in an UTTER FUCKING SURPRISE, Kiyoka is startled by returning memories of Junya. REMEMBER THE RULE: TWO SECONDS OF HAPPINESS, TWO SCENES OF AGONY.
*quietly revels*
*not-so-quietly revels*
*SHRIEKS IN GLEE*
*FLAILS WILDLY*
In my head I replaced Junya with Kuroki Meisa. The femslash will not be denied!
"Yeah buddy! Congrats! Good job not putting this one in a coma!"
*GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE*
BUT WHO'S COME TO CRASH THE PARTY?
Predications for the finale: someone drowns in the pool, someone confesses their love (but not Subaru), and Kanon's wedding dress with be involved in an epic moment of fake profundity. Oh, and all the kids will be killed by a crashing meteor, and also I will rip my face off and mail it to AT.
ONE MORE EPISODE TO GO!
Subaru tells Junya that he really does love Kiyoka! No, really! "I never even think of penis at all!" "Wait, what?"
Junya is woobie. And violent. In AT's world, it's pretty much the same thing.
Poor baby. I can't imagine dedicating three years of my life to someone only to see them to launch themself at my best friend. Do you think Asano Taeko is like Stephanie Meyer, furiously torturing her ideal lover while touching herself?
Junya has a Honey & Clover moment.
After a long, painful struggle full of eyedrops and distressed hair, he finally starts composing music again, which he'd abandoned during Kiyoka's coma. Kanon overhears and cheerfully suggests they take the music to her, to help with her recovery.
I didn't write this song for Kiyoka, Junya says. I wrote it for you.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
"Don't go anywhere. Always stay right here with me." Goodie, it only took him twenty minutes to get over Kiyoka! Bring on the wedding!
You knew it was coming, right? AT law of balance: when your characters experience even a fleeting moment of happiness, you must immediately rip it away, stomp on their face, light them on fire, and cackle maniacally. Or in this case, let your main character see a HUGE HEADLINE about her father molesting her.
I love how this was supposed to be a shock.
I never saw this coming! (Yes I did.)
Kanon can't stay, because that would be a rational decision that makes sense, so she leaves Junya a note and boards a bus for her hometown. You know what this means, right?
DRAMATIC RUN!
WORK IT BABY! PUMP IT!
"DOUMYOUJI!!" Just once I want a character to trip. "KANON-CHA-- oh shit! WHO LEFT THESE FUCKING FLOWERS SCATTERED IN THE STREET? Wait..."
Honey, I know Utahime, Utahime is a good friend of mine, and you are no Utahime.
Ep 9: Kanon confronts her brother and demands to know why he lied all this time about killing their parents. He insists that her memory is wrong, that she didn't do it. Kanon isn't buying it anymore.
Back in Yokohama, Junya is packing his shit to go to Kanon's hometown. Why didn't you just do that in the first place?
Mizuki doesn't approve, so she LOCKS JUNYA IN HIS OWN ROOM! LOL! LOLOLOL!!!
Then she stands outside his door and sweetly asks how long he can last without food or water!!! Oh my god! This is genius! She is SO FUCKING BATSHIT! I LOVE IT!
When her cunning plan falls flat, she tries a new road: seduction! Just try to resist that piece of pale, underfed tenderloin, Junya!
"You know, Subaru tried the same thing, except he brought tequila first."
RE-JEC-TION.
Back in the heartland (aka Nagano), Kanon comes home one night and sees the lucky survivor of Mizuki's scheming:
fkldjsf it's a sign of how deeply I've fallen for this guy, that his trademark smile is starting to do strange things to my heart. It's not bad acting, it's a character trait!
Go away, she says. I'm dirty.
"Bitch, please," Junya responds, "this is an Asano Taeko drama, your lifelong emotional issues will be resolved in ten minutes or not at all. Keep up."
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING SAYS? "I'LL WAIT FOR YOU. I'LL WAIT FOREVER." ISN'T THAT EXACTLY WHAT SOUSUKE SAID WHEN HE STALKED HIS GIRLFRIEND'S PLACE? Oh my god, this is so incredibly creepy. This scene -- AT's version of ideal unyielding love -- it explains SO MUCH of Sousuke and Michiru's relationship in the second half of LF. No wonder she couldn't leave him! No wonder he was still a woobie even after all the horrific abuse! Michiru's story wasn't a battered girlfriend finding her feet, it was Asano Taeko broadcasting her insecurity issues through pretty broken boytoys. Sousuke the unrepentant rapist nutjob got the same romantic treatment as Junya the sincere sweetiepie. GOD. Suddenly LF makes so much sense, in an incredibly twisted, creepy way.
ETA: I'm not trying to say Junya is a creep (quite the opposite). It's the parallels that terrify me -- if it's romantic that Junya waited all night on Kanon, and his devotion and persistence are signs of true love, then what the fuck was she trying to say about Sousuke?
Mizuki runs into Kiyoka and serenely inflicts some psychological abuse. God, I love this psycho. Can she get her own drama?
There are no words, only crazy laughter.
Junya waits, and waits, and waits some more, until he finally wears Kanon down CONVEYS HIS LOVE!
Kanon relives her inner kdrama -- the molestation, the fire.
Junya says that he'll hold her hands until they become warm again, that he's not letting go and no matter what he'll be with her. On the count of three: EEEEEEEEE!! *__* *__* *__*
Icons! I NEED ICONS!
But remember the cardinal rule: once you're happy enough for a cuddle with your true love, someone is stalking you with a knife.
ICONS! PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE ME ICONS!
Back to the knife! Say it aint so, sisterluster!
There's a fight, and Kanon conveniently flashbacks. Sisterluster was telling the truth all along -- Kanon didn't kill their parents, he did. Her father wrestled the knife from her and sisterluster took care of the rest.
OTHER QUESTIONS THEY DID NOT ANSWER: when did Kanon lose her memory? Why did sisterluster, upon stabbing both his parents, abruptly think "oh, this double homicide needs a little arson?" And maybe the biggest mystery of all: if he lit the fire, why the fuck didn't he get Kanon out first?? (The first ep has him rescuing Kanon from the blazing inferno. LONG-TERM PLANNING, UR DOIN IT... oh, nevermind.)
"Did you regain your memory?" he asks. I -- I don't -- THAT was your plan??
"Thanks a lot for the heart attack, you fucking jackass!"
"What's that? An excuse for manpain? I'm on it."
Sisterluster has no more reason to live! He's going to kill himself! NOT ON MY WATCH, Junya says, and rips open his shirt to reveal the double W, for Wonder Woobie, with his lively sidekick, Comacunt.
Sisterluster is sobbing Evanesence lyrics while Kanon insists she needs him, no really, nevermind that she had to be emotionally and financially self-sufficient while he rotted away in prison for most of her teen years. She can't be happy if he's not there! Sisterluster is suspiciously heartbroken, by the way. I'm not at all convinced by "Kanon was my everything. Now my role is over." I think he's just upset Kanon found someone else to cuddle with. Also, he's probably jealous of Junya's hair.
"I can't believe I was attacked with a knife for your grainy re-enactment. Amateurs."
At a cold little bus stop (apparently sisterluster had to gtfo), Kanon and Junya share an OTP moment of utter sweetness. HOW DID I GET SO ATTACHED. I KNOW THIS CAN'T END WELL.
They go home...
Junya touches her arms...
YES!!! TAKE THAT, CENSORS! WOOOOOOOO!!!
AHAHAHA, I KNEW SOMEONE HAD TO MAKE A BABY!
Flash forward. EVERYONE PLAYING ASANO TAEKO BINGO, WE JUST HIT THE BIG ONE.
JUST THEN, in an UTTER FUCKING SURPRISE, Kiyoka is startled by returning memories of Junya. REMEMBER THE RULE: TWO SECONDS OF HAPPINESS, TWO SCENES OF AGONY.
*quietly revels*
*not-so-quietly revels*
*SHRIEKS IN GLEE*
*FLAILS WILDLY*
In my head I replaced Junya with Kuroki Meisa. The femslash will not be denied!
"Yeah buddy! Congrats! Good job not putting this one in a coma!"
*GLEEGLEEGLEEGLEE*
BUT WHO'S COME TO CRASH THE PARTY?
Predications for the finale: someone drowns in the pool, someone confesses their love (but not Subaru), and Kanon's wedding dress with be involved in an epic moment of fake profundity. Oh, and all the kids will be killed by a crashing meteor, and also I will rip my face off and mail it to AT.
ONE MORE EPISODE TO GO!