The Long Goodbye

Sep 10, 2006 15:01

Well, the sixth and last course in my university certificate in web applications development starts next month and will see me through until the end of the year. Apart from going to see metal legends Iron Maiden (for the first time) next month I doubt that I’ll have much to trouble the pages of this live journal with. In so many ways I’ll be glad to see the back of these courses. Not just because another qualification makes me more employable, nor is it the money that they have cost me, but the fact that they may have cost me something far more.

Anyway, enough of that, as usual the world seems to have moved on and left me somewhat lagging behind. So here’s a short tale that took place a few months back in which Mr. Warlock gets to say a fond farewell to one of the most beloved characters he has ever met, the delightfully charming Ms. Marks. The very last of the tipex thinner is spent on …The curious tale of the most magically protective thing...Ever!!

This tale takes place on May 10th 2006 and Mr. Warlock has been charged by the Council of Warlocks to investigate the claims of the existence of the most magically protective thing…Ever!! The Council fears that it may fall into the wrong hands, the wrong hands being any hands that don’t belong to the Council. To this end they have learnt the whereabouts of its location. They have also learnt that the layabout Mr. Warlock has already visited this place and knows of a way to get there.

It’s the early hours of Wednesday May 10 2006 and Mr. Warlock is rummaging through his sock draw for the last of his stash of precious tipex thinner.

Mr. Warlock :Ahhh, here it is. Oh hum…there’s not much left. I do hope that its not run onto my socks

Teddy bear : Well, if it did that would at least account for the smell

Mr. Warlock :My socks don’t smell (sniffs at a pair of them in the draw)…much. Anyway, I’ve found what I needed so if you wouldn’t mind shifting from the bed ’cause I need it. And I do wish that you’d stop eating cookies if you’re going to lie on the bed. I woke up this morning with crumbs stuck to my forehead.

Teddy bear : Okay, that’s it. I’m off to watch Charmed. At least Phoebe appreciates me.

The warlock shakes his head in disbelief as his erstwhile familiar disappears from the bedroom. Checking the pocket of one of his suit trousers he finds a little map.

Mr. Warlock : It’s strange how I kept this. Almost like the candle that someone gave me once, long a go. (The warlock smiles to himself) It’s funny what things you treasure.

Lying upon the bed the warlock inhales deeply of the remains of the tipex thinner. Slowly he drifts off to heaven knows where.

The warlock slowly opens one eye and peers around. He seems to be back in the strange world where he found himself stranded once be. Thinking that it might be a good idea to open the other eye as, you know, he may need it, he slowly beings to gather his bearings, he also has what appears to be a splitting headache,

Mr. Warlock : Oooo my head hurts. I feel like my head’s been shoved in the speakers at a Metallic gig, only without the goodness of listening to Metallica.

Taking the map from his pocket he surmises that he is close to the Shrine of Diana. Navigating his way very carefully through the tangled woods he eventually finds himself once more in front of the Shrine of Diana.

Mr. Warlock :Hope I remember how this works. Candles..that was it candles.

The warlock searches around and manages to find but a single candle. Lighting it by use of the dark arts and placing it in the hands of the shrine.

Mr. Warlock :Hello..hello..Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can her me. Is there anyone home? Relax..relax..

Shrine of Diana :Unless you’re thinking of forming a Pink Floyd tribute band I suggest that you stop with the “Comfortably Numb” cover version

Mr. Warlock :Erm.. Sorry, just got a bit carried away.

Shrine of Diana :There’s nothing for you here warlock. You shouldn’t have come. Not for this thing you seek. You wasted your last chance on

Mr. Warlock :The most magically protective thing…Ever!! Hardly what I’d call wasting your time.

Shrine of Diana :You don’t learn do you. Things are already conspiring to over take you. The Fates have desires on you.

Mr. Warlock :And here’s me thinking that they didn’t even fancy me. I wish I knew what you were talking about. I’m not here with anything to do with The Fates. I’m here about the..

Shrine of Diana : most magically protective thing…Ever!! Yes I know, Watch out for the 15th August. The Fates will bring you down then and then well…you’ll see. As for the most magically protective thing…Ever!! Seek out the Cultural Attaché. I’m sure you remember her

Mr. Warlock :Ms. Marks. So high, dark hair, blue eyes, very pretty…vaguely.

Shrine of Diana :You need me no more. I’ll say our last goodbye then. Remember what I said.

Mr. Warlock :What was that then? Oh, The Fates yeah. Committed to memory. Thanks for the help.

Mr. Warlock’s sieve like memory had already forgotten the confusing stuff on The Fates, blotted out by thoughts of Ms. Marks.

Mr. Warlock :(sings, very badly I might add) “Oh, we’re off to see the Cultural Attaché, the Cultural Attaché of whereever this place is” ….hummm doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, but it’s still far better than wi*ard.

After a little while the warlock spots the tip of a black tail moving through some long grass. He stops and watches it move much like a sharks fin on the surface of the sea. The tail suddenly stops. Then changes direction and heads straight for the warlock.
As the tail breaks the cover of the long grass he if face by a jet black panther.

Sandra the panther:(excitedly) I thought that I recognized the scent!

Mr. Warlock :But how? I changed my socks!

Sandra the panther:Silly. Did you bring it?

The warlock smiles at the panther and pulls a ball of string from one of his pockets.

Mr. Warlock :Did you think that I’d ever forget you? And a promise is a promise. But aren’t you a little off your usual haunt?

Sandra the panther:(amusing herself with the ball of string) Oh, we moved. My Mistress and I. So lots of new things for me to explore! But I still miss the old place.

Mr. Warlock :Well, I guess sometimes you just have to move on. Don’t worry, I’m sure that you’ll settle. And you’ll always have the fond memories to treasure, plus you can make some new memories.

Sandra the panther: You’re probably right. Can you stay and play for a while?

Mr. Warlock :I’m sorry, but I have to things to do myself and my time here is so short. I guess we never did get to play. I’m sorry, that’s something I’m sure I would have like to have done..but, well that’s how these things work out.

Sandra the panther: Goodbye then. And thanks for the string. It can remind me of you.

Mr. Warlock :You mean long and thin? Oh, I get you now. Yes. Take care Sandra.

Sandra heads back into the long grass, playfully playing with the ball of string. The warlock consults the map again and heads off towards a deep blue river. Crossing a little wooden bridge, very carefully, as it’s a little too high for the warlock’s liking, he spots a desk in a field. Behind the desk is a woman whom he recognizes. His heart beats a little faster as he nears the desk and the head of shiny silk like hair lifts up to reveal…

Mr. Warlock :Ms. Marks. You don’t know how good it is to see you again

Ms. Marks. : Oh my! Did you not find your way out of here? Have you been lost all this time?

Mr. Warlock :No I’m not lost…well, I’m always lost. I’m just a lost cause I guess. But no, I’m here seeking your assistance on another matter.

Ms. Marks. : Well, it’s good that you're not lost. Especially as the Lost and Found Bureau is still…

Mr. Warlock :Lost. Perhaps they’re stranded on some strange island with hatches and buttons that you have to press

Ms. Marks. : (looks at the warlock in a strange manner) And why would they be on some strange island where there are hatches and you have to press buttons?

Mr. Warlock :Good question. I just wish I had an answer. Come to think of it I wish the television program had the answer. Anyway, what I’m really after your help in is with locating the most magically protective thing…Ever!!

Ms. Marks. : Oh that. You’re travelled all the way here just to see that? (looks at the warlock in an even stranger manner)

Mr. Warlock :Why yes.(the warlock replies wondering if the most magically protective thing…Ever!! Was worth the hype after all) Do you know where it is?

Ms. Marks. : But of course. I am the…(Indicates the name plate on the front of the desk which reads "Ms. Marks. Cultural Attaché")

Mr. Warlock :Could you point me in the right direction as to where it is?

Ms. Marks. : Oh, better than that. I can take you there. It’s in a museum quite close to here and as it’s my lunch hour I’d be happy to escort you there.

Mr. Warlock could feel his heart beat a little faster still.

Mr. Warlock :Well, if it’s no trouble then…lead on Ms. Marks

After an, oh so too short a trip for the warlock, the pair arrive at the entrance to the local metropolitan museum. The warlock gasps that the marble splendour of the building adorned with figures cast in gold.

Mr. Warlock :Wow…some museum you have here

Ms. Marks. : Yes, it’s not bad is it. In fact it’s almost a second home to me with the time at I spend here.

The two enter the museum and Ms. Marks guides Mr. Warlock though the exhibits.

Mr. Warlock :Say, what kind of security do you have ‘round this most magically protective thing…Ever!! Lasers, pressure sensors, armed guards..

Ms. Marks. : Well, we do have a glass cover over it to stop it getting dusty

Mr. Warlock :A glass cover. Well I guess it would be hard to think of something to protect the most magically protective thing…Ever!! with.

Ms. Marks. : Perhaps the second most magically protective thing…Ever!!

Mr. Warlock :Now you’re just poking fun at me

Ms. Marks. : Huh Huh. But it is fun, isn’t it?

Mr. Warlock :Oh yeah. Don’t stop.

Ms. Marks suddenly comes to a halt and turns to face Mr. Warlock.

Ms. Marks. : Well, here we are then.(indicates the display that is the most magically protective thing…Ever!!)

Mr. Warlock :(stares in disbelief) But it’s a ...

Ms. Marks. : Yes isn’t it..

Mr. Warlock : It’s a ...

Ms. Marks. : Oh, I know…it’s a

Mr. Warlock & Ms. Marks :(together) Duvet.

Ms. Marks. : Yes, well you see it’s more representative of one’s childhood where..

Mr. Warlock : It’s a duvet…

Ms. Marks. : You’re not getting past this duvet thing anytime soon are you?

Mr. Warlock :(looks at Ms. Marks.) Duvet

Ms. Marks. : As I was saying it’s representative of one’s childhood where when you were frightened you would hide under the covers and any bogymen, vampires or mad axe men couldn’t harm you. You couldn’t see them and they couldn’t see you. It was a shield a protective shield against all the harm in the world. And that’s what this represents. A child’s innocent mind entrusts their duvet to protect them. Sweet in a way don’t you think?

Mr. Warlock :Oh hum. When I tell the council that the most magically protective thing…Ever!! is just a duvet I’m going to need the most magically protective thing…Ever!! just to save me. But at least it doesn’t pose a threat should anyone take it.

Ms. Marks. :Why would anyone want to steal a duvet?

Mr. Warlock :I’ve really no idea

Back outside the museum Ms. Marks makes a slight detour on the route back to her desk.

Ms. Marks. :Seeing as you’re had a bit of a wasted trip you should see this. It’s what we call the melon pool

Mr. Warlock. :It doesn’t involve duvets does it?

The two come to a large light green and blue pool of water with a melon tree growing next to it.

Ms. Marks. :No, no duvets. I promise. What you do is pick a melon, cut it in half and place the curved end down into the pool. A bit like a boat. I’ll show you.

Ms. Marks knocks down a melon from the tree and searches in her handbag for something to cut it with. Ever helpful Mr. Warlock conjures up a kitchen knife to do the task.

Ms. Marks. :Oh, thank you. My, magick does have its uses. (cuts the melon in half) Here, we can share this one.

Ms. Marks sets her half of the melon into the water and it begins to float out towards the centre of the pool.

Ms. Marks. :Normally mine make it about half way

The two watch as the melon sails past the halfway mark and continues to the centre of the pool where it sinks and disappears.

Ms. Marks. :(jumps up and down and lets out an excited squeal) Did you see that it went all the way to the centre.

Mr. Warlock. :Wow, you got a hole in one. How many points do you get for that?

Ms. Marks. :Oh no, it’s not a game. Usually, if it goes half way it means that you’re at a crossroads in life. That’s what I normally get. But, if it goes all the way then that means you get your heart's desire (squeals again) I’m so happy. You must have brought me luck. Now you try..see what happens

The warlock sets his half of the melon into the water where it floats for a few seconds before sinking like a concrete slab.

Mr. Warlock. :Oh hum. I’m guessing that this isn’t so good?

Ms. Marks. :Oh my!! If it sinks like that it usually means…

Mr. Warlock. :Well I guess it means I don’t get my heart's desire. Still, I suppose you need a heart to have a heart’s desire and I don’t really have a heart so to speak.

Ms. Marks. :Oh no, it’s worse than that. It means..

Mr. Warlock. :Hey! Don’t go telling me. You’ll spoil the surprise. Still, you deserve your heart’s desire. I’m happy for you. (looks at his half of the melon sitting at the bottom of the pool) Not really too sure what to feel for me though.

Ms. Marks. :I guess this is goodbye then. You’ll be leaving us now.

Mr. Warlock. :I'm afraid so. Funny, I’ll miss this place. Didn’t think I would but…

Ms. Marks. :You’ve not visiting us again?

Mr. Warlock. :I really wish I could, but there’s no way back here for me now.

Ms. Marks. :So this really is goodbye. (holds out a hand for Mr. Warlock to shake)

Mr. Warlock. :Hey, you’ve stopped smiling. That’s how I always want to remember you. Smiling. (reaches out to shake Ms. Marks hand but he begins to fade and disappears before he can touch it)

Ms. Marks stands alone for awhile, then turns and casts her eyes to the centre of the pool and smiles.

Mr Warlock comes to back in his bedroom with a throbbing headache.

Mr. Warlock : Oooo my head hurts. Teddy!! Will you stop hitting me with that packet of cookies

Teddy bear : I’m only trying to wake you up! You’re been asleep for hours. I’ve already watched five episodes of season three of Charmed.

Mr. Warlock : Poor you. And here’s me complaining about my head

Teddy bear : So where did you get it from?

Mr. Warlock : Get what from?

Teddy bear : The duvet. (indicates the duvet that covers the warlock)

Mr. Warlock : Its erm…hang on, there’s a note pinned to pinned to it

The warlock unpins the note and reads it.

Mr. Warlock : It may not really be the most magically protective thing…Ever!! but it may help you get a few good nights sleep. Pleasant dreams. Ms. Marks.

Teddy bear : Who is this Ms. Marks? The duvet faerie?

Mr. Warlock :I guess you could call her that, Teddy. I guess you could call her that.

Fin.

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