Dear Diary
Dreams, sometimes I hate them. I don’t hate the nightmares or the weird fantasy ones, or even the ones that weave implausible stores. The ones I hate are the ones that leave me with a false sense of security.
I dreamed I was living in old brick building it used to be a warehouse and before that a school where some great tragedy had happened. I was redecorating the building with some woman that I don’t know. She was tall and blond and slender. We were laughing and had both decided we didn’t want the walls pink. We were staring at the walls and I asked her what colour. She blushed horribly ‘They have to be pink.’ I laughed. ‘I see that, with little yellow flowers.’ I pointed to a spot. ‘And some writing there.’ She continued and we both painted to the exact same spot as if we were truly seeing the wall. The we were laughing and my ex walked in but he couldn’t see the flowers on the wall.
Then I went outside with my ex and there was a blanket on the ground, and he looked handsome like he did when we were together not like he does now that he let himself go. We were laughing and having so much fun. We were back together, he wasn’t with Alex, and everything was good.
Then I woke up. Alone.
Then I lay in bed remembering ALL the reasons I would never take him back. I felt better. Still it was disorienting. I hope my dreams tomorrow are something like vampire cows, or maybe that blue zombie pony again.
Honestly, I don’t mind being alone. It gets me my ‘me’ back. Sometimes with my ex I lost my own identity, because I was so busy being what he wanted and what he liked doing that I a forgot somewhat about who I am and what I like doing. It took so much time for me to begin to get that identity back. I am getting that back now. Slowly, it takes time.
I have nothing against Alex. Neither of us even knew Alex when we were together. I think I dreamed it because Halloween is our anniversary. We never technically divorced despite not being together. I love Halloween and chose to ignore that.
Took Ashley to the Pumpkin Patch Yesterday!
She likes the scary things.
Two cute cut outs to put her head through.
Then we saw a fire truck, she loves fire trucks.
Later that night we carved the pumpkins. I did most of the pumpkin scooping. I had Ashley draw hers and cut it for her. Ashley and knives is a bad idea.
These are our finished pumpkins: Mother’s, Brandon’s, Mine, Ashley’s.
Ashley’s is smaller because it was bought at the pumpkin patch which costs more then the grocery store. We got the rest at the grocery store because they are bigger. She wanted a white pumpkin originally but the only white one left was going bad. I carved mine based on some ancient found Jack O’Lantern found in a museum. The teeth were the hardest thing as they had to be carved out of the inside white on the pumpkin. It was a lot of work but fun.
What are you all doing for Halloween tonight?
I dreamed I was living in old brick building it used to be a warehouse and before that a school where some great tragedy had happened. I was redecorating the building with some woman that I don’t know. She was tall and blond and slender. We were laughing and had both decided we didn’t want the walls pink. We were staring at the walls and I asked her what colour. She blushed horribly ‘They have to be pink.’ I laughed. ‘I see that, with little yellow flowers.’ I pointed to a spot. ‘And some writing there.’ She continued and we both painted to the exact same spot as if we were truly seeing the wall. The we were laughing and my ex walked in but he couldn’t see the flowers on the wall.
Then I went outside with my ex and there was a blanket on the ground, and he looked handsome like he did when we were together not like he does now that he let himself go. We were laughing and having so much fun. We were back together, he wasn’t with Alex, and everything was good.
Then I woke up. Alone.
Then I lay in bed remembering ALL the reasons I would never take him back. I felt better. Still it was disorienting. I hope my dreams tomorrow are something like vampire cows, or maybe that blue zombie pony again.
Honestly, I don’t mind being alone. It gets me my ‘me’ back. Sometimes with my ex I lost my own identity, because I was so busy being what he wanted and what he liked doing that I a forgot somewhat about who I am and what I like doing. It took so much time for me to begin to get that identity back. I am getting that back now. Slowly, it takes time.
I have nothing against Alex. Neither of us even knew Alex when we were together. I think I dreamed it because Halloween is our anniversary. We never technically divorced despite not being together. I love Halloween and chose to ignore that.
Took Ashley to the Pumpkin Patch Yesterday!
She likes the scary things.
Two cute cut outs to put her head through.
Then we saw a fire truck, she loves fire trucks.
Later that night we carved the pumpkins. I did most of the pumpkin scooping. I had Ashley draw hers and cut it for her. Ashley and knives is a bad idea.
These are our finished pumpkins: Mother’s, Brandon’s, Mine, Ashley’s.
Ashley’s is smaller because it was bought at the pumpkin patch which costs more then the grocery store. We got the rest at the grocery store because they are bigger. She wanted a white pumpkin originally but the only white one left was going bad. I carved mine based on some ancient found Jack O’Lantern found in a museum. The teeth were the hardest thing as they had to be carved out of the inside white on the pumpkin. It was a lot of work but fun.
What are you all doing for Halloween tonight?