i hate this feeling, almost as much as i hate YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (friends only for a while)
last night i had a breakdown. it used to be normal. but i havent had one in so long. i hate that i cant control myself sometimes. im so stressed out. and i have so much just piled on my shoulders. i need to just let everything go, i need to put myself above YOU and everyone else. AND, im so sick of people that i put myself out there too. fuck you. im not making you seem like a child. im protecting myself. i know how i am. i know what i do, and what needs to be done. but you on the other hand, dont care enough to take a minute to get to know me. all you care about is that you get what you want and im there to drive you places and pick you up. i find it pretty odd that you do the SAME exact thing that you criticize my friends for so often. hmmm WEIRD! well fuck you. your mean, and you make me feel like shit about myself all the time. and the real reason i told you all that, is for you. its cuz i have seen people witness me during a panic attack for the first time before. i know that they get scared too. just because it looks like i lose control of everything, i can still think and analyze. and you know what? thats really what it it! im thinking too much. my brain is going too fast for my body! and i remember every second. and i can replay it all forwards and backwards, even in slow motion too. ya know what? if i ever see you again, i hope it does happen. and i hope it makes you cry. i hope that you get so freaked out and scared that it throws you into a fit of rage and panic too. and in the end, when you cant do anything to help, i hope you feel guilty, and that you know its your fault. aside from someone being a total prick, my journal is prolly going to become friends only after this entry. i tell too many people, way too much, and i dont need to do that. if you care, about me, or whats going on with me, i know that you'll ask. if you want me to add you, leave a comment on this entry or send me an email hamandcheese8586@aol.com im not volunteering out anymore information. if you dont ask, it just means that i KNOW you dont care. oh well. fuck you.