Some Issues.
The following is me bitching about stuff, don't continue to read if you get annoyed. I think writing it down might help me. Maybe. These are the issues on my mind right now:
#1 I am so friggen tired right now. I didn't get to bed last night because i was in the bathroom the whole time. I ate some home-made breakfast burritos yesterday and they just definately did not agree with me. Why oh why did i have to eat like 5 of them. Argh. I could have barfed it all up last night and i would probably be semi-alright now, but puking is just something that i dont do. So i let my body digest that shit all night and it fucking came out liquid. Couldn't leave the bathroom for a moment. I friggen probably had a fever too because i was alternating from burning up to artic blast every few minutes.
#2 After work, i have to go strait to college in order to catch the cashier before she leaves. I have to pay for my college or else they're gonna drop me outta them. So great, i can't even go home to take a quick nap before i go to school. I dont know if there is anyway i will be able to stay awake in class. 4 long hours of it. Arghh.
#3 I need to get my Operaters License back and be unrestricted. This is so fucking gay. I left my house this moring a bit late because of the situation i described above. Well, i'm on the highway going 65 miles an hour with the cruise contol on, and there are people wizzing ahead of me left and right. There was nothing i could do to get to work any faster than i was cause i can't speed. So at that point i figured i'd be about 5-10 minutes late. However, some luck must have been on my side because i didnt get stopped at not even one red light. So i actually made it to work at 6:58am. Close, but i still made it. The point is i could have been there with no worries if i was going half as fast as the other people on the highway. May 02, 2005. Actually, i cant speed then either because if i get a ticket, my insurance will sky rocket. God damn it.
#4 I want to go to robotics and help out because they definately have no knowledge of Macromedia Flash MX and they want to construct a whole site in it. Although i think that would be friggen awsome, i think they need someone to help them out with the basics first. I would gladly do it, but i have NO time at all. The time i do have, if i used it at robotics, i would take time away from meghan. I can't do that. I'd rather hang out with her.
#5 Consumers backstabbed me and changed their policy on the pay scale. Effective for all persons who were hired in after the first of the year (which would include me), are being transfered to the "new" pay scale. Now there is like no way in hell i'm gonna reach 25 bucks an hour or something close. I'll be lucky if i get to $15. Fuck this.
#6 I could have swore that the Parkview Vlillage Appartments included gas & water in the rent. Apparently not... Only the water is included. But i have to pay for the gas (ie, for the furnace), and the gas to heat the "free" water. So i called up the consumers 800 line and set up a new service in my name yesterday. Yay!, kiss another 100 bucks out the door a month.
#6b DTE Energy wouldnt file for my new electrical service at the appartment yesterday because i couldnt give them my Licence number. (I left my wallet at home) So i was pissed because thats bullshit cause i know they dont have to have a licence number to give me a confirmation number (i need a confirmation number for both gas and electric service inorder to sign the lease wednesday) Debbie(who used to work for DTE) even told me so. So today, i have to call them up and hope to god that they dont give me any more shit cause i'm supposed to go sign the lease tomorrow.
#7 I start a general training class at consumers next monday. The only problem is that its OUT IN FLINT! It takes like an hour, hour and a half to get there from my house. Doesnt seem like that'd be too big of a problem... except the class doesnt end until 4:30pm. What time do i start class at macomb? 6:00pm. What time is "rush hour"? 5:00pm. Lets do the math. Rush Hour bumper-to-bumper traffic + Me = half an hour to an hour late to school... Spectacular. Oh, and did i mention that it only lasts for 3 WEEKS! what a joy.
#8 Other than the fact that i have like no time to sit at my house and box up everything that i own, i have to figure out how to get it to my new appartment. Boxes and stuff, sure, you can put it in a car. But what about a Queen Size bed or solid oak dressers and desks? I know people with trucks, but i wouldnt ask them to help me ove this stuff because it would probably end up scratching thier truck. Ideally, renting a U-Haul truck would be nice. You can get one for the day for i think $29.95 or something like that. Only problem is I think you have to be at least 21 or 24 to rent one. Hmm, i dont know i'll have to check it out.
#9 I need to go sign up for a verison cell phone plan. Its not a matter of want, its a matter of my parents dont let me use thier home phone and when i move out, i wont have a home phone. Its sad that i will actually save money by paying 70 some bucks a month for a cell phone. This virgin Mobile one blows. It costs me like 100 bucks a month cause it's the only way i have of communicating to other people.
#10 Clothes. I dropped off some dress clothes at the Dry Cleaners since they were "dry clean only" - obviously. So i have to go pick those up wednesday. Then, I went shopping yesterday and bought a thing or two for work, but i still have to buy a bunch more. Its a pain in the ass because it takes soooo long to do and i dont have much time that i wanna waste on shopping for dumb clothes. I'm gonna end up spending like another 300 bucks on clothes. That shouldnt be a problem though, i just have to find the time to go to the bank (when its still open cause it closes so god damn early) and cash my check.
#11 I STILL havent gotten arround to dropping my car off at Citco to get it fixed. The door is just all torn apart with a window held in by wooden shims. wtf? lol. It goes back to the time factor thing where i always need my car becuase i ALWAYS have something to do. I would drop it off saturday morning, but i have to go to school and i dont get back around home until 12:30pm. Mark(the repair man) leaves at 3:30pm, so i dont have a lot of time for him to fix it since i cant drop it off to him in the morning. Oh, and did i mention that beside my car being broke like that, everything else is going on the piece of shit. The anti-lock breaks work sometimes, like 5% of the time?. They probably work best when there isn't any snow. Also, I think i have an engine coolant leak. Every now and then, the "low coolant" light pops on. I've filled it up once before and it's starting to do it agian. Great. 250 bucks for the window thing and who knows how much more for all the other shit wrong with it. What a fucking piece of shit. Did i mention that it takes 27 dollars worth of gas a week... I need to get rid of it.
#11B There is an automatic antenna in my trunk that i need to install because Tom broke it off my car upnorth. I cant find the fricken part i need to finish the installation, so i dont have a raido right now. I dont have the time to seach everywhere for a fucking 2 dollar connector - more important stuff to do. Also, i have a brand new, dual subwoofer box, with 2, 12 inch wooffers and neon lights already setup inside and a 465 watt ampliphier just sitting in my room. I dont have the time to drop off the car to get everything installed, because if i did, i would probably drop it off to get it fixed first, eh, eh? So right now i have no radio, and no decent sound system, even though all the stuff for it is just sitting around.
#12 I like my job. It's fun and i get to talk with a whole buncha different people and see a lot of cool things. I can do interesting things like check out the accounts of other people that i know. I actually brought up my own account for the appartment and was able to see the progress and where the crews were scheduled and stuff. Pretty cool. But this has been, lately, only on my lunch break. These winter months are busy arround here. Every morning i walk in and theres a stack of files on my desk that i have to look at and take the proper action out for each one. It is very intensive because of the time restraints placed upon us by the scheduling department. Also, there are always some pricks that can make work hard. I had one job where the contractor requested gas services and said that the houses that he was building in a new subdivision were framed in and being roofed. So i designed all the lines, did all the paperwork, permits, and dispacted the crews from scheduling... only to have them ALL stacked back on my desk because they were Rejected. The crews claimed that there were only foundations and no actual houses. I was like wtf. So i went out and did a field check and sure enough, no fucking houses. What a dipshit. I called him up and told him to get back to me only when he was putting siding on the fricken houses. Argh, so it's been kinda stressful aruound here. 7:00am-3:30pm everyday. I suppose its not that bad, as long as i get some sleep.
#13 My parents are trying to get me to tell them that i agree with what they've done to me. They keep justifying it by saying that thier feelings got hurt and they acted out of shock. My mom said that none of this should have happened and that she's the one that caused it since she's way to over protective. But she wants me to say that i was just as much in the wrong as them. Everyday i go home, she's laying this stuff on me. Now i agree that i may have made some mistakes, and i am sorry for them. But i dont believe that the repercussions of my actions ar fit. So whatever. I guess i was disowned and i have no family anymore. Maybe joey. Blah.
#14 There is a job opening in the IS & T department. (Information Systems & Technology) A couple of people at work have said that i would be perfect for the job. This is because i'm already like the resident computer guy. If someone has a question or needs help with something computer related, some people stop by my cubicle and ask me instead of calling the help line. lol. It would be sweet! i would be responsible for working with consumer energy's mainfraim computers and databases, as well as maintaining the system networks and LANs. HOWEVER... right now i'm "qualified" enough to apply, but to be effectivly qualified, i would need like 1 more year of school. I'm sure this job will be gone by then, prolly withing a couple of weeks. The hitch... this position only hires in new people every couple of years, if that. Soo... i dont think i'll be getting that job any time soon. God DAMN it!
#15 My mom cancelled me off the medical insurance. All people are covered thrue thier 18th year unless the policy holder specifically cancels a person off. Hence, most other medical insurance companies require that the person signing up for a new policy be 19 years old. I havent been able to find anyone that will insure me yet. I've called down the yellow pages and i really thought i had solved the problem when i found out that macomb community college offered medical insurance. But, i didnt qualify for any of them. Medical insurance is kind of an important thing. At least i got medical insurance on my car insurance - that way if i'm in an accident, i think i'm covered up to 50,000 i think? i dunno, but something like that. I guess i'm lucky that i'm not like most of the other people i know that have monthy prescriptions that they need. Like my brother and all his medicine, Meghan and her asthma stuff, people with allergies. Also, i'm not one to usually get sick. i NEVER get sick. So that's a bit comforting, but i would still like to know that if something happened, i wouldnt be paying out the ass for the rest of my life for going to the hospital once. I'll get benifits from work soon... once i get promoted to Tech Assitant I, in a year, when i'm 19. what a fucking coincidence.
#16 Schools getting difficult. I used to be able to just sit back and show up for tests and Ace it. Not anymore. The concepts are more complex and require more complicated proceedures. Calculus I was moderate. I think i got a B+ or A-, one of the two. That involved Differentiation and intergration along a two varable axis. somewhat easy once you get the hang of it. Calculus II... hey why not just ad in another dimention (Z) to the problem and change the whole dynamic of the equation. For fun, revolve a couple of random curves around, seperate, undefined points, using a whasher and shell method, after integrating the funtion. Then find the 3-dimentional arc length (which takes another page). Fuck that. One problem takes three sides of paper. And i get like 20 of them to do each class. It's not so much that i cant grasp the concept... its that its just a fricken pain in the ass to do. I've been doing all my homework for all my classes. I dont know how i find time. I do some of it inbetween classes, some after i come home from meghans, even at work on lunch break, and a bulk of it sunday morning. -Sigh- I guess its just a little more invoved than i'm used to.
#17 My appartment comes with a refridgerator, stove, and dishwasher. Did you know that you have to go out and buy everything else for it? Yup, on top of moving everything in, i have to go out shopping and buy all the standard household items. Thats a lot of different stores that i'm gonna have to go to. That means its gonna probably take a great deal of tim e to do. This all has to happen before Monday the 7th of February. Although, I suppose that if i just had at least a bed in the house, it would surfice considering that thats all i really have right now in Cathy's house. I just think it would be nice to make my appartment into a home. Someplace i can live comfortably without having to walk on egg shells worrying. Someplace to call my own.
#18 Meghan is in the proccess of buying a new car. She keeps badgering me saying that i dont care about what shes doing or cant be bothered to be involved. For example, she was going to test drive some cars with her dad and called me up at robotics and asked me if i wanted to go. First of all, break it down: Three people test driving...
1. Meghan's getting the car, so she'll be in the driver's seat test driving.
2. Meghan's dad is going to be co-signing for the car and occationally borrowing it, so he would sit in the front passanger seat.
3. Whoever is left over would have to sit in the back.
Alright. Who wants to "test drive" a car from the backseat?? Exactly. So i told her i'd rather stay at robotics and help out the team. So she was mad. ...??
#18b In a related discusion, Meghan keeps complaining that i'm not "happy" for her since she's getting a new car. She says to me that i need to not be jealous and for once be happy for her. Hey, i'm as happy as can be, i just have a lot of other stuff on my mind... as you can see. Although, i'd be dishonest if i were to say that i dont have some jealousy. However, it's not the jealously that she thinks it is. She thinks that i'm jealos of her for getting a new car, or getting inheritance, or something along those lines. That isnt it. I'll admitt that at times i may be a bit jealous of her, but for different reasons.
1. She has one of the coolest dads ever. He's very father-son orientated. He knows just about everything about everything. He knows so much about electronics & computers that i could only dream to ever know half of what he does. Sean is, in my eyes, what a perfect father figure would be. I, on the other hand, never really had a dad growing up. I've always had to do things for myself. i didnt really have anyone else i could look up to or depend on. And i'm bitter because of that. The closest thing i had was Tom. And we all know how that worked out. Cough-Eviction-Cough
2. Many things are handed to her, that she doesnt particularly appreciate, that i have to work hard for.
So yeah, she needs to relize that i'm just a bit stressed and preoccupied right now during this transition period. I know she doesnt do it intentionally, and she means well, but i just need her to try and cut me some more slack. Meghan, if you read this, i want you to know that i am in no way trying to put you down. I love you.
#19 Lastly, there is some other issue that i'm trying to deal with on top of all this. I know i should just drop it, but i cant. I dont appreciate being used or being lied too. Just how far down the rabit hole does the deceit go? It seems I just keep finding out that its farther and farther...
- One of my favorite songs just came on. Let me take this moment to share it with you.
"Chicago Is So Two Years Ago"
my heart is on my sleeve
wear it like a bruise or blackeye
my badge, my witness
that means that i believed
every single lie you said
cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you
and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you
but there's a light on in chicago
and i know i should be home
all the colors of the street signs..
they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house
she took me down and said:
"boys like you are overrated. so save your breath."
loaded words and loaded friends
are loaded guns to our heads
cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you
and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you
but there's a light on in chicago
and i know i should be home
all the colors of the street signs..
they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house
you want apologies
girl, you might hold your breath
until your breathing stops forever, forever
the only thing you'll get
is this curse on your lips:
i hope they taste of me forever
but there's a light on in chicago
and i know i should be home
all the colors of the street signs..
they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's
with every breath i wish your body will be broken again
with every breath i wish your body would be broken again
with every breath i wish your body will be broken again
with every breath i wish your body would be broken again
-Charles
#1 I am so friggen tired right now. I didn't get to bed last night because i was in the bathroom the whole time. I ate some home-made breakfast burritos yesterday and they just definately did not agree with me. Why oh why did i have to eat like 5 of them. Argh. I could have barfed it all up last night and i would probably be semi-alright now, but puking is just something that i dont do. So i let my body digest that shit all night and it fucking came out liquid. Couldn't leave the bathroom for a moment. I friggen probably had a fever too because i was alternating from burning up to artic blast every few minutes.
#2 After work, i have to go strait to college in order to catch the cashier before she leaves. I have to pay for my college or else they're gonna drop me outta them. So great, i can't even go home to take a quick nap before i go to school. I dont know if there is anyway i will be able to stay awake in class. 4 long hours of it. Arghh.
#3 I need to get my Operaters License back and be unrestricted. This is so fucking gay. I left my house this moring a bit late because of the situation i described above. Well, i'm on the highway going 65 miles an hour with the cruise contol on, and there are people wizzing ahead of me left and right. There was nothing i could do to get to work any faster than i was cause i can't speed. So at that point i figured i'd be about 5-10 minutes late. However, some luck must have been on my side because i didnt get stopped at not even one red light. So i actually made it to work at 6:58am. Close, but i still made it. The point is i could have been there with no worries if i was going half as fast as the other people on the highway. May 02, 2005. Actually, i cant speed then either because if i get a ticket, my insurance will sky rocket. God damn it.
#4 I want to go to robotics and help out because they definately have no knowledge of Macromedia Flash MX and they want to construct a whole site in it. Although i think that would be friggen awsome, i think they need someone to help them out with the basics first. I would gladly do it, but i have NO time at all. The time i do have, if i used it at robotics, i would take time away from meghan. I can't do that. I'd rather hang out with her.
#5 Consumers backstabbed me and changed their policy on the pay scale. Effective for all persons who were hired in after the first of the year (which would include me), are being transfered to the "new" pay scale. Now there is like no way in hell i'm gonna reach 25 bucks an hour or something close. I'll be lucky if i get to $15. Fuck this.
#6 I could have swore that the Parkview Vlillage Appartments included gas & water in the rent. Apparently not... Only the water is included. But i have to pay for the gas (ie, for the furnace), and the gas to heat the "free" water. So i called up the consumers 800 line and set up a new service in my name yesterday. Yay!, kiss another 100 bucks out the door a month.
#6b DTE Energy wouldnt file for my new electrical service at the appartment yesterday because i couldnt give them my Licence number. (I left my wallet at home) So i was pissed because thats bullshit cause i know they dont have to have a licence number to give me a confirmation number (i need a confirmation number for both gas and electric service inorder to sign the lease wednesday) Debbie(who used to work for DTE) even told me so. So today, i have to call them up and hope to god that they dont give me any more shit cause i'm supposed to go sign the lease tomorrow.
#7 I start a general training class at consumers next monday. The only problem is that its OUT IN FLINT! It takes like an hour, hour and a half to get there from my house. Doesnt seem like that'd be too big of a problem... except the class doesnt end until 4:30pm. What time do i start class at macomb? 6:00pm. What time is "rush hour"? 5:00pm. Lets do the math. Rush Hour bumper-to-bumper traffic + Me = half an hour to an hour late to school... Spectacular. Oh, and did i mention that it only lasts for 3 WEEKS! what a joy.
#8 Other than the fact that i have like no time to sit at my house and box up everything that i own, i have to figure out how to get it to my new appartment. Boxes and stuff, sure, you can put it in a car. But what about a Queen Size bed or solid oak dressers and desks? I know people with trucks, but i wouldnt ask them to help me ove this stuff because it would probably end up scratching thier truck. Ideally, renting a U-Haul truck would be nice. You can get one for the day for i think $29.95 or something like that. Only problem is I think you have to be at least 21 or 24 to rent one. Hmm, i dont know i'll have to check it out.
#9 I need to go sign up for a verison cell phone plan. Its not a matter of want, its a matter of my parents dont let me use thier home phone and when i move out, i wont have a home phone. Its sad that i will actually save money by paying 70 some bucks a month for a cell phone. This virgin Mobile one blows. It costs me like 100 bucks a month cause it's the only way i have of communicating to other people.
#10 Clothes. I dropped off some dress clothes at the Dry Cleaners since they were "dry clean only" - obviously. So i have to go pick those up wednesday. Then, I went shopping yesterday and bought a thing or two for work, but i still have to buy a bunch more. Its a pain in the ass because it takes soooo long to do and i dont have much time that i wanna waste on shopping for dumb clothes. I'm gonna end up spending like another 300 bucks on clothes. That shouldnt be a problem though, i just have to find the time to go to the bank (when its still open cause it closes so god damn early) and cash my check.
#11 I STILL havent gotten arround to dropping my car off at Citco to get it fixed. The door is just all torn apart with a window held in by wooden shims. wtf? lol. It goes back to the time factor thing where i always need my car becuase i ALWAYS have something to do. I would drop it off saturday morning, but i have to go to school and i dont get back around home until 12:30pm. Mark(the repair man) leaves at 3:30pm, so i dont have a lot of time for him to fix it since i cant drop it off to him in the morning. Oh, and did i mention that beside my car being broke like that, everything else is going on the piece of shit. The anti-lock breaks work sometimes, like 5% of the time?. They probably work best when there isn't any snow. Also, I think i have an engine coolant leak. Every now and then, the "low coolant" light pops on. I've filled it up once before and it's starting to do it agian. Great. 250 bucks for the window thing and who knows how much more for all the other shit wrong with it. What a fucking piece of shit. Did i mention that it takes 27 dollars worth of gas a week... I need to get rid of it.
#11B There is an automatic antenna in my trunk that i need to install because Tom broke it off my car upnorth. I cant find the fricken part i need to finish the installation, so i dont have a raido right now. I dont have the time to seach everywhere for a fucking 2 dollar connector - more important stuff to do. Also, i have a brand new, dual subwoofer box, with 2, 12 inch wooffers and neon lights already setup inside and a 465 watt ampliphier just sitting in my room. I dont have the time to drop off the car to get everything installed, because if i did, i would probably drop it off to get it fixed first, eh, eh? So right now i have no radio, and no decent sound system, even though all the stuff for it is just sitting around.
#12 I like my job. It's fun and i get to talk with a whole buncha different people and see a lot of cool things. I can do interesting things like check out the accounts of other people that i know. I actually brought up my own account for the appartment and was able to see the progress and where the crews were scheduled and stuff. Pretty cool. But this has been, lately, only on my lunch break. These winter months are busy arround here. Every morning i walk in and theres a stack of files on my desk that i have to look at and take the proper action out for each one. It is very intensive because of the time restraints placed upon us by the scheduling department. Also, there are always some pricks that can make work hard. I had one job where the contractor requested gas services and said that the houses that he was building in a new subdivision were framed in and being roofed. So i designed all the lines, did all the paperwork, permits, and dispacted the crews from scheduling... only to have them ALL stacked back on my desk because they were Rejected. The crews claimed that there were only foundations and no actual houses. I was like wtf. So i went out and did a field check and sure enough, no fucking houses. What a dipshit. I called him up and told him to get back to me only when he was putting siding on the fricken houses. Argh, so it's been kinda stressful aruound here. 7:00am-3:30pm everyday. I suppose its not that bad, as long as i get some sleep.
#13 My parents are trying to get me to tell them that i agree with what they've done to me. They keep justifying it by saying that thier feelings got hurt and they acted out of shock. My mom said that none of this should have happened and that she's the one that caused it since she's way to over protective. But she wants me to say that i was just as much in the wrong as them. Everyday i go home, she's laying this stuff on me. Now i agree that i may have made some mistakes, and i am sorry for them. But i dont believe that the repercussions of my actions ar fit. So whatever. I guess i was disowned and i have no family anymore. Maybe joey. Blah.
#14 There is a job opening in the IS & T department. (Information Systems & Technology) A couple of people at work have said that i would be perfect for the job. This is because i'm already like the resident computer guy. If someone has a question or needs help with something computer related, some people stop by my cubicle and ask me instead of calling the help line. lol. It would be sweet! i would be responsible for working with consumer energy's mainfraim computers and databases, as well as maintaining the system networks and LANs. HOWEVER... right now i'm "qualified" enough to apply, but to be effectivly qualified, i would need like 1 more year of school. I'm sure this job will be gone by then, prolly withing a couple of weeks. The hitch... this position only hires in new people every couple of years, if that. Soo... i dont think i'll be getting that job any time soon. God DAMN it!
#15 My mom cancelled me off the medical insurance. All people are covered thrue thier 18th year unless the policy holder specifically cancels a person off. Hence, most other medical insurance companies require that the person signing up for a new policy be 19 years old. I havent been able to find anyone that will insure me yet. I've called down the yellow pages and i really thought i had solved the problem when i found out that macomb community college offered medical insurance. But, i didnt qualify for any of them. Medical insurance is kind of an important thing. At least i got medical insurance on my car insurance - that way if i'm in an accident, i think i'm covered up to 50,000 i think? i dunno, but something like that. I guess i'm lucky that i'm not like most of the other people i know that have monthy prescriptions that they need. Like my brother and all his medicine, Meghan and her asthma stuff, people with allergies. Also, i'm not one to usually get sick. i NEVER get sick. So that's a bit comforting, but i would still like to know that if something happened, i wouldnt be paying out the ass for the rest of my life for going to the hospital once. I'll get benifits from work soon... once i get promoted to Tech Assitant I, in a year, when i'm 19. what a fucking coincidence.
#16 Schools getting difficult. I used to be able to just sit back and show up for tests and Ace it. Not anymore. The concepts are more complex and require more complicated proceedures. Calculus I was moderate. I think i got a B+ or A-, one of the two. That involved Differentiation and intergration along a two varable axis. somewhat easy once you get the hang of it. Calculus II... hey why not just ad in another dimention (Z) to the problem and change the whole dynamic of the equation. For fun, revolve a couple of random curves around, seperate, undefined points, using a whasher and shell method, after integrating the funtion. Then find the 3-dimentional arc length (which takes another page). Fuck that. One problem takes three sides of paper. And i get like 20 of them to do each class. It's not so much that i cant grasp the concept... its that its just a fricken pain in the ass to do. I've been doing all my homework for all my classes. I dont know how i find time. I do some of it inbetween classes, some after i come home from meghans, even at work on lunch break, and a bulk of it sunday morning. -Sigh- I guess its just a little more invoved than i'm used to.
#17 My appartment comes with a refridgerator, stove, and dishwasher. Did you know that you have to go out and buy everything else for it? Yup, on top of moving everything in, i have to go out shopping and buy all the standard household items. Thats a lot of different stores that i'm gonna have to go to. That means its gonna probably take a great deal of tim e to do. This all has to happen before Monday the 7th of February. Although, I suppose that if i just had at least a bed in the house, it would surfice considering that thats all i really have right now in Cathy's house. I just think it would be nice to make my appartment into a home. Someplace i can live comfortably without having to walk on egg shells worrying. Someplace to call my own.
#18 Meghan is in the proccess of buying a new car. She keeps badgering me saying that i dont care about what shes doing or cant be bothered to be involved. For example, she was going to test drive some cars with her dad and called me up at robotics and asked me if i wanted to go. First of all, break it down: Three people test driving...
1. Meghan's getting the car, so she'll be in the driver's seat test driving.
2. Meghan's dad is going to be co-signing for the car and occationally borrowing it, so he would sit in the front passanger seat.
3. Whoever is left over would have to sit in the back.
Alright. Who wants to "test drive" a car from the backseat?? Exactly. So i told her i'd rather stay at robotics and help out the team. So she was mad. ...??
#18b In a related discusion, Meghan keeps complaining that i'm not "happy" for her since she's getting a new car. She says to me that i need to not be jealous and for once be happy for her. Hey, i'm as happy as can be, i just have a lot of other stuff on my mind... as you can see. Although, i'd be dishonest if i were to say that i dont have some jealousy. However, it's not the jealously that she thinks it is. She thinks that i'm jealos of her for getting a new car, or getting inheritance, or something along those lines. That isnt it. I'll admitt that at times i may be a bit jealous of her, but for different reasons.
1. She has one of the coolest dads ever. He's very father-son orientated. He knows just about everything about everything. He knows so much about electronics & computers that i could only dream to ever know half of what he does. Sean is, in my eyes, what a perfect father figure would be. I, on the other hand, never really had a dad growing up. I've always had to do things for myself. i didnt really have anyone else i could look up to or depend on. And i'm bitter because of that. The closest thing i had was Tom. And we all know how that worked out. Cough-Eviction-Cough
2. Many things are handed to her, that she doesnt particularly appreciate, that i have to work hard for.
So yeah, she needs to relize that i'm just a bit stressed and preoccupied right now during this transition period. I know she doesnt do it intentionally, and she means well, but i just need her to try and cut me some more slack. Meghan, if you read this, i want you to know that i am in no way trying to put you down. I love you.
#19 Lastly, there is some other issue that i'm trying to deal with on top of all this. I know i should just drop it, but i cant. I dont appreciate being used or being lied too. Just how far down the rabit hole does the deceit go? It seems I just keep finding out that its farther and farther...
- One of my favorite songs just came on. Let me take this moment to share it with you.
"Chicago Is So Two Years Ago"
my heart is on my sleeve
wear it like a bruise or blackeye
my badge, my witness
that means that i believed
every single lie you said
cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you
and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you
but there's a light on in chicago
and i know i should be home
all the colors of the street signs..
they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house
she took me down and said:
"boys like you are overrated. so save your breath."
loaded words and loaded friends
are loaded guns to our heads
cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you
and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you
but there's a light on in chicago
and i know i should be home
all the colors of the street signs..
they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's house
you want apologies
girl, you might hold your breath
until your breathing stops forever, forever
the only thing you'll get
is this curse on your lips:
i hope they taste of me forever
but there's a light on in chicago
and i know i should be home
all the colors of the street signs..
they remind me of the pickup truck out in front of your neighbor's
with every breath i wish your body will be broken again
with every breath i wish your body would be broken again
with every breath i wish your body will be broken again
with every breath i wish your body would be broken again
-Charles