Will someone care? (Joe, Godric)
Godric had been playing the same chord on his tiny keyboard. Over and over, he played a diminished fifth which sounded something like a flock of flamingoes all screaming in terrible pain at the same time. For a while he had been playing the dissonant note followed by a the resolved tritone, but the dissonance spoke more to him.
It was dissonance all around.
Godric heard a noise at his door and he looked up, expecting to see his sister. She was the only family member who usually visited him in hospital. It wasn't his sister or even someone related to him. It was Joe Littleton. "Oh...Hi..." Godric was shocked, though not as unpleasantly so as he sounded.
"Sorry..." Joe leaned against the door, and he shrugged his shoulders a little. "I uhm...I was at work and I thought I'd stop by."
"Oh right you...you work here," Godric laughed a little and he pushed the keyboard off his lap and onto the mattress. "I forgot. It's nice to see you, Joe."
"Is it? Because I can go and you can pretend you didn't," Joe said earnestly, and just that was enough to break the slight tension. Godric laughed and he smiled, indicating the seat across from him.
"It is. Sit, please."
Joe sat and he straightened his tie. He ran his fingers through his hair. Then he got down to business. "How are you doing today, Godric?"
"Better than yesterday," Godric said with a sigh. "Not great though. Waiting to see what meds work, I guess. I just feel...hopeless and I hate that. I'm not hopeless! The world just feels so heavy lately. I can't even play," he said, indicating his keyboard. "It's all mess. I'm just...waiting for that upswing."
"I'm sorry," Joe said, because there was nothing more to say, really. "I'm glad you're here where you can get help."
"Me too, actually," Godric said, and that was a good sign. "It's a good place. How's Julian?"
"He's..." Joe bit his lip and he gave Godric an apologetic look. "Godric, I have to be honest and tell you I have an ulterior motive in coming here today. Though if you're not up to it, I can come back another day."
"Actually, I think I would like to hear this ulterior motive," Godric said with an actual smile. "And I kind of love that you came here for Julian."
Joe laughed a little and he reached up to loosen his tie. "I just...honestly if you tell me to get lost, I won't be upset. I just know that Julian was all about you and then the next day he was back with Damon. And I adore that kid, but I don't want Julian to be with him if he's really interested in someone else. Is what I'm saying ringing any bells?"
Godric nodded slowly. "It is. I would feel guilty for telling on him, but..." Godric sighed. Drug addicts were fragile people sometimes and he knew Julian was one of the fragile ones. Godric really adored Julian and he couldn't lose him as a friend. "He came to see me and I said I...I don't even remember. Some bullshit about being young or dumb or...something. And then the next day he told me he was back with Damon. I think he was trying to make me jealous because I told him I needed time? I wasn't though. I mean...I want Julian to be happy and I hoped that he did it because he was and not because of me. I don't know what to think now though."
"I don't either," Joe sighed. "He's been a bit strange lately. Like his happiness is forced. And it kills me, because that kid's happiness means everything to me. And Damon's too. If Julian isn't really happy, Damon is going to be crushed. Which...isn't really your problem, I just wanted to check up on that other thing."
"It's alright. I don't mind this. Being there for other people is what I do," Godric said with a self-deprecating laugh. "I do for others what I can't do for myself. I bet you're glad I told Julian no, hmm?"
Joe looked shocked and instantly Godric felt something in him loosen. He had been so dead set on believing he was a loser or some kind of unlovable demon child and in one look, Joe dispelled that. And then he spoke. "Godric," Joe said, sounding terribly confused. "Of course I'm not! I would never want my son not to be with someone because of something like this. Godric you are a loving, caring young man and I would be proud if my son were to date you." Godric smiled at that. He couldn't help it. He knew what Julian meant to Joe, so he wouldn't say something like this lightly. "I just want him to be happy. And I know you make him happy. Of course...dating sort of requires you to be happy too."
"Do you know...I don't even know why I said no? I think I was nervous. Julian did...does...augh. I was happy." And when Julian was gone, he wasn't any more. He couldn't blame his illness on losing Julian, but that might have triggered a downswing without him even realising it. "God I never connected those two before."
Joe gave Godric a sad smile and he leaned forward. "I just...I think I need to talk to my son. And if there's anything I can do for you, will you let me know?"
"I will," Godric nodded and then he held his hand out, asking Joe to wait. "Joe? Why do you... My parents would never do something like this. They asked to meet Julian and they were kind to him, but they wouldn't..." Godric sighed and he struggled to get the right words out. "They don't hate that I'm gay," he said honestly. "But I don't think they like it. They wouldn't go visiting my friends to see if there's a reason why I'm not happy with my boyfriend. I think admitting I have one and being cordial is the farthest they really want to go. And that's okay, because I'm lucky, you know? I was born to this...er...calibre of family who usually doesn't abide black sheep. Especially not gay, goth ones with bipolar disorder. I could be out on the street or getting beaten up or anything, but I'm not. No one has ever fought like this for me though."
To Godric's surprise, Joe reached out his hand to Godric and Godric took it. He was fairly sure he had never met anyone quite like Joe. The man fought for what he loved, tooth and nail, and still had heart to give when people like Godric needed it. "You have," Joe said. And it was absolutely the best thing to say. It was what Godric needed to hear, because it was true. He was strong, he just needed to find that strength again. "And if you need help, you can tag me in and I'll go a round or two. I mean it."
"Thank you, Joe."
"Any time, Godric."
It was dissonance all around.
Godric heard a noise at his door and he looked up, expecting to see his sister. She was the only family member who usually visited him in hospital. It wasn't his sister or even someone related to him. It was Joe Littleton. "Oh...Hi..." Godric was shocked, though not as unpleasantly so as he sounded.
"Sorry..." Joe leaned against the door, and he shrugged his shoulders a little. "I uhm...I was at work and I thought I'd stop by."
"Oh right you...you work here," Godric laughed a little and he pushed the keyboard off his lap and onto the mattress. "I forgot. It's nice to see you, Joe."
"Is it? Because I can go and you can pretend you didn't," Joe said earnestly, and just that was enough to break the slight tension. Godric laughed and he smiled, indicating the seat across from him.
"It is. Sit, please."
Joe sat and he straightened his tie. He ran his fingers through his hair. Then he got down to business. "How are you doing today, Godric?"
"Better than yesterday," Godric said with a sigh. "Not great though. Waiting to see what meds work, I guess. I just feel...hopeless and I hate that. I'm not hopeless! The world just feels so heavy lately. I can't even play," he said, indicating his keyboard. "It's all mess. I'm just...waiting for that upswing."
"I'm sorry," Joe said, because there was nothing more to say, really. "I'm glad you're here where you can get help."
"Me too, actually," Godric said, and that was a good sign. "It's a good place. How's Julian?"
"He's..." Joe bit his lip and he gave Godric an apologetic look. "Godric, I have to be honest and tell you I have an ulterior motive in coming here today. Though if you're not up to it, I can come back another day."
"Actually, I think I would like to hear this ulterior motive," Godric said with an actual smile. "And I kind of love that you came here for Julian."
Joe laughed a little and he reached up to loosen his tie. "I just...honestly if you tell me to get lost, I won't be upset. I just know that Julian was all about you and then the next day he was back with Damon. And I adore that kid, but I don't want Julian to be with him if he's really interested in someone else. Is what I'm saying ringing any bells?"
Godric nodded slowly. "It is. I would feel guilty for telling on him, but..." Godric sighed. Drug addicts were fragile people sometimes and he knew Julian was one of the fragile ones. Godric really adored Julian and he couldn't lose him as a friend. "He came to see me and I said I...I don't even remember. Some bullshit about being young or dumb or...something. And then the next day he told me he was back with Damon. I think he was trying to make me jealous because I told him I needed time? I wasn't though. I mean...I want Julian to be happy and I hoped that he did it because he was and not because of me. I don't know what to think now though."
"I don't either," Joe sighed. "He's been a bit strange lately. Like his happiness is forced. And it kills me, because that kid's happiness means everything to me. And Damon's too. If Julian isn't really happy, Damon is going to be crushed. Which...isn't really your problem, I just wanted to check up on that other thing."
"It's alright. I don't mind this. Being there for other people is what I do," Godric said with a self-deprecating laugh. "I do for others what I can't do for myself. I bet you're glad I told Julian no, hmm?"
Joe looked shocked and instantly Godric felt something in him loosen. He had been so dead set on believing he was a loser or some kind of unlovable demon child and in one look, Joe dispelled that. And then he spoke. "Godric," Joe said, sounding terribly confused. "Of course I'm not! I would never want my son not to be with someone because of something like this. Godric you are a loving, caring young man and I would be proud if my son were to date you." Godric smiled at that. He couldn't help it. He knew what Julian meant to Joe, so he wouldn't say something like this lightly. "I just want him to be happy. And I know you make him happy. Of course...dating sort of requires you to be happy too."
"Do you know...I don't even know why I said no? I think I was nervous. Julian did...does...augh. I was happy." And when Julian was gone, he wasn't any more. He couldn't blame his illness on losing Julian, but that might have triggered a downswing without him even realising it. "God I never connected those two before."
Joe gave Godric a sad smile and he leaned forward. "I just...I think I need to talk to my son. And if there's anything I can do for you, will you let me know?"
"I will," Godric nodded and then he held his hand out, asking Joe to wait. "Joe? Why do you... My parents would never do something like this. They asked to meet Julian and they were kind to him, but they wouldn't..." Godric sighed and he struggled to get the right words out. "They don't hate that I'm gay," he said honestly. "But I don't think they like it. They wouldn't go visiting my friends to see if there's a reason why I'm not happy with my boyfriend. I think admitting I have one and being cordial is the farthest they really want to go. And that's okay, because I'm lucky, you know? I was born to this...er...calibre of family who usually doesn't abide black sheep. Especially not gay, goth ones with bipolar disorder. I could be out on the street or getting beaten up or anything, but I'm not. No one has ever fought like this for me though."
To Godric's surprise, Joe reached out his hand to Godric and Godric took it. He was fairly sure he had never met anyone quite like Joe. The man fought for what he loved, tooth and nail, and still had heart to give when people like Godric needed it. "You have," Joe said. And it was absolutely the best thing to say. It was what Godric needed to hear, because it was true. He was strong, he just needed to find that strength again. "And if you need help, you can tag me in and I'll go a round or two. I mean it."
"Thank you, Joe."
"Any time, Godric."