Beaver rambles
This afternoon I was walking back to my dorm from the Conservatory. I was crossing the lawn and, upon approaching the street before me, I saw what appeared to be a beaver, or perhaps a large hedgehog, contently rolling down the street. Instantly I found myself in preposterous elation over this silly occurrence. However, when I got close enough to the road that my shitty eyes could actually see what was before me, I was disappointed to discover that what I had thought was a beaver was, in fact, not a creature at all, but merely a clump of brown tangled leaves and weeds.
Regardless, the damage had already been done. I am in a outrageously good mood because of this little incident. Walking back to Le Fer, the humor of the situation consumed me, being that I had actually mistaken a clump of weeds for a beaver. And the fact that, regardless of however strict your sense of reality may be, for those few seconds, it really WAS a goofy beaver, or perhaps a hedgehog, rolling down the road.
I think it has become the incidences like these that have managed to keep me from collapsing into depression for over a year. It occurred to me, in between giggle fits over the beaver, that there was a time in my life in which i would not have responded to my inability to see or register obvious information very quickly in such a light-hearted manner. That there was actually a time in which I would have chastised myself for such a foolish mistake, and for even being tempted to find it funny. Yeah, there was a time in which I actually took myself that seriously.
In the end, I am an incredibly moody person, always have been, and likely always will be. Currently, the only time I ever find myself in sour spirits has to do with this kind of pressure I put myself under, and my inability to not take myself so seriously. Usually these episodes last little longer than two or three days before I'm off my face again. I have come to know myself well enough to realize that I judge my self-worth by my creative productivity and musical progress, and deal with it simply by not allowing myself ever to slack and preventing my excessive practical worry from weighing down on my heart. But I do know that, if I had not bothered to develop the simple ability in High School to see the humor in (mostly) all things, and to carry myself lightly, and to be infinitely pleased by the simple things, the silly things, the stupid things, I would be in a perpetual drowning right now. Sinking deeper and deeper until you can't even see the light through the sea of murky water and the blurry veil of your own tears.
(Too much water hast thou, Poor Ophelia).
And thus, personal epiphany for the day: (thanks to my little beaver friend) To have a flexible sense of reality and to be self-effacing are the keys to happiness.
Rae
Regardless, the damage had already been done. I am in a outrageously good mood because of this little incident. Walking back to Le Fer, the humor of the situation consumed me, being that I had actually mistaken a clump of weeds for a beaver. And the fact that, regardless of however strict your sense of reality may be, for those few seconds, it really WAS a goofy beaver, or perhaps a hedgehog, rolling down the road.
I think it has become the incidences like these that have managed to keep me from collapsing into depression for over a year. It occurred to me, in between giggle fits over the beaver, that there was a time in my life in which i would not have responded to my inability to see or register obvious information very quickly in such a light-hearted manner. That there was actually a time in which I would have chastised myself for such a foolish mistake, and for even being tempted to find it funny. Yeah, there was a time in which I actually took myself that seriously.
In the end, I am an incredibly moody person, always have been, and likely always will be. Currently, the only time I ever find myself in sour spirits has to do with this kind of pressure I put myself under, and my inability to not take myself so seriously. Usually these episodes last little longer than two or three days before I'm off my face again. I have come to know myself well enough to realize that I judge my self-worth by my creative productivity and musical progress, and deal with it simply by not allowing myself ever to slack and preventing my excessive practical worry from weighing down on my heart. But I do know that, if I had not bothered to develop the simple ability in High School to see the humor in (mostly) all things, and to carry myself lightly, and to be infinitely pleased by the simple things, the silly things, the stupid things, I would be in a perpetual drowning right now. Sinking deeper and deeper until you can't even see the light through the sea of murky water and the blurry veil of your own tears.
(Too much water hast thou, Poor Ophelia).
And thus, personal epiphany for the day: (thanks to my little beaver friend) To have a flexible sense of reality and to be self-effacing are the keys to happiness.
Rae