What the holy fuck is WRONG with me?
I just..oh dear lord...I apologise for any typing errors first of all, I am under an alcoholic and dizzy haze that rather mean I can barely SEE what I'm saying.
I have jut had...I can't exactly explain it, it was hideous.
Today was Samhain, wee, pagan new year...I had a fabulous day, was so hyped up the whole time that it wasn't bad...then I got invited out for the night, I would pray to all the gods in the multiverse that I had said no...
Perhaps it is an alcoholic thing, perhaps I am just FUCKED in the head. I suspect both are to blame.
It was all going quite well, though I was in a bit of a daze, being befuddled by alcohol and all.
Until I bit Becky (girlfriend). She was tempting me...but I just...I couldn't...it was so...
I marked her neck, but I just wasn't satisfied, I felt like a vampire, I wanted blood..
I tried to bite my own fingers to stop myself but she kept pulling them away from my mouth..
and then I saw her artery, just...there...on her wrist...tempting me...and I went to bite...and the stupid FUCKER let me..
I dragged myself away, tried to bite my fingers again but she was having none of it. I ran away, to the loos.
I spent a VERY long time sobbing in the toilets and biting my own arm to try and stop the urge...but it didn't exactly work...
I calmed myself down enough to go back to where they were....were being the operative word, they'd fucked off. Completely disappeared. Gone. Taken my bag with them and all.
I started to panic, resulting in my eventual legging it to the loos, again, where I proceeded to hyper-ventilate and, essentially, have an asthma attack.
Some poor and fabulous young girl came to my rescue, I must have scared her half to death, she was seriously stressed - she even offered to phone an ambulance!
Eventually, she coaxed me back outside the loos, sat me down and got me a drink of water, at which point Coco and Becky turned up...
They were so...eugh! I couldn't believe them, they were all 'you all right?' and everything, Becky tried to hug me but I was having none of it - perhaps you may not understand why i was so...tempted to throw my glass of water over them, in fact.
let me explain. I am easily stressed/distressed/utterly-terrifyingly-PANICKED, *especially* when drunk.
They disappeared.
The last time I went out with them, I had a mini panic attack in the toilets because they'd left me alone too long with their stuff on the dance floor - and that was when they'd fucking told me where they'd gone!!
And this time...they just up and FUCKED off while I was in the toilets, for a person of my easily-panicked nature, this is, frankly, shit-scary beyond all reason.
While in the middle of their 'are you ok what's wrong?' thing, I had to leg it to the loo, I just..couldn't deal, I couldn't take it.
In the loos I threw up, joy of joys upon joys.
Eventually, once calmed and sorted, I made my way back and insisted we go home, we did.
Once home, they just didn't get what they did.
Eventually, as I was typing this, they clicked that it was them not being there - they say they went to the loo 'cos they needed it. That's where I was - if they'd called out I would have answered. I was freaking out and out of it, but I would have answered.
Apparently they looked for me - how do you look for someone in a host of locked doors?
The second time they say the only occupied loo was 'someone's sister' but I was in there, sobbing and throwing up - when I returned they were just sat there.
Coco had a drink - people who go to the loos, and actually look for someone (considering that the first time I ran I was inside the loo, then I was outside sobbing, and the second time I was THORWING up with the door open) don't EXACTLY have time to go buy drinks, and if they fucking do, they apparently don't care.
They're spouting 'I'm sorry' at me, and talking about caring for me... I don't think they're being honest with me, or maybe with themselves...they're not as sorry as they think they are, they're probably pissed at me for being mad at them when they apparently tried so hard.
I'm sorry this isn't in a cut, I can't be bothered to concentrate on one
I have jut had...I can't exactly explain it, it was hideous.
Today was Samhain, wee, pagan new year...I had a fabulous day, was so hyped up the whole time that it wasn't bad...then I got invited out for the night, I would pray to all the gods in the multiverse that I had said no...
Perhaps it is an alcoholic thing, perhaps I am just FUCKED in the head. I suspect both are to blame.
It was all going quite well, though I was in a bit of a daze, being befuddled by alcohol and all.
Until I bit Becky (girlfriend). She was tempting me...but I just...I couldn't...it was so...
I marked her neck, but I just wasn't satisfied, I felt like a vampire, I wanted blood..
I tried to bite my own fingers to stop myself but she kept pulling them away from my mouth..
and then I saw her artery, just...there...on her wrist...tempting me...and I went to bite...and the stupid FUCKER let me..
I dragged myself away, tried to bite my fingers again but she was having none of it. I ran away, to the loos.
I spent a VERY long time sobbing in the toilets and biting my own arm to try and stop the urge...but it didn't exactly work...
I calmed myself down enough to go back to where they were....were being the operative word, they'd fucked off. Completely disappeared. Gone. Taken my bag with them and all.
I started to panic, resulting in my eventual legging it to the loos, again, where I proceeded to hyper-ventilate and, essentially, have an asthma attack.
Some poor and fabulous young girl came to my rescue, I must have scared her half to death, she was seriously stressed - she even offered to phone an ambulance!
Eventually, she coaxed me back outside the loos, sat me down and got me a drink of water, at which point Coco and Becky turned up...
They were so...eugh! I couldn't believe them, they were all 'you all right?' and everything, Becky tried to hug me but I was having none of it - perhaps you may not understand why i was so...tempted to throw my glass of water over them, in fact.
let me explain. I am easily stressed/distressed/utterly-terrifyingly-PANICKED, *especially* when drunk.
They disappeared.
The last time I went out with them, I had a mini panic attack in the toilets because they'd left me alone too long with their stuff on the dance floor - and that was when they'd fucking told me where they'd gone!!
And this time...they just up and FUCKED off while I was in the toilets, for a person of my easily-panicked nature, this is, frankly, shit-scary beyond all reason.
While in the middle of their 'are you ok what's wrong?' thing, I had to leg it to the loo, I just..couldn't deal, I couldn't take it.
In the loos I threw up, joy of joys upon joys.
Eventually, once calmed and sorted, I made my way back and insisted we go home, we did.
Once home, they just didn't get what they did.
Eventually, as I was typing this, they clicked that it was them not being there - they say they went to the loo 'cos they needed it. That's where I was - if they'd called out I would have answered. I was freaking out and out of it, but I would have answered.
Apparently they looked for me - how do you look for someone in a host of locked doors?
The second time they say the only occupied loo was 'someone's sister' but I was in there, sobbing and throwing up - when I returned they were just sat there.
Coco had a drink - people who go to the loos, and actually look for someone (considering that the first time I ran I was inside the loo, then I was outside sobbing, and the second time I was THORWING up with the door open) don't EXACTLY have time to go buy drinks, and if they fucking do, they apparently don't care.
They're spouting 'I'm sorry' at me, and talking about caring for me... I don't think they're being honest with me, or maybe with themselves...they're not as sorry as they think they are, they're probably pissed at me for being mad at them when they apparently tried so hard.
I'm sorry this isn't in a cut, I can't be bothered to concentrate on one