(no subject)
I'm so confused, scared, lost, angry, and sad...Ok, tonight was a GREAT night...other then me feeling like crap and taking a half a bottle of sinus tylanol to get rid of a head ache "faster" *rolls eyes* yeah it just made me more sick...and my head ache STILL didn't go away untill AFTER the movie! Jakie, TJ, B, and I all went out to chill tonight, first we hit DQ and DG then we went to see Darkness at the Nova 6...It was kewl, not the best horror I've seen, but not the worst...would have been better if I could have watched half of it, my head was pounding so hard it was making me ill...uhg..my luck huh? On the way home all was well, we dropped Jake off, and B went to the appartment to pick up her clothes to stay the night before we took TJ home...He and I stayed in the car and talked...in like all seriousness...it was weird considering the whole "lightness" of the night..We were talking about impulse...my bi polar, and how it scares him, and I had nothing to say to that because other then meds, I'm not very well at controlling it..I didn't have anything to say to make him feel better, because I didn't want to lie to him..So I told him, if he thinks it'll be a really big problem then to u kno, break it soon so there wouldn't be such a hard attatchment to break..he asked me if I ment it...I was quiet for a few..then whispered "sure" but I wanted to scream NO NO NO!!!!!!! So he said maybe we should just be friends, that he does love me, I'm a wonderful person, a best friend, but he doesn't want to be like his dad, who cheated on his mom and has gone through 2 divorces..I told him he wasn't like his dad, but he still wasn't sure...said he was scared/worried that he'd hurt me...and that people who are friends stay friends for a long time, instead of being bf/gf and ending up hating each other over something stupid..I don't know what to think, I want to cry, I DON'T cry, I want to cut, I WONT cut...I feel when I'm with him, when I think about him..I'm not dead to the world like usual when I "feel" him...my heart hurts...why do I always get attatched just to screw things up? Maybe I set myself up for it? Nope "hard ass Ali, never lets anything get to her, don't let it show..be punky and peppy, keep her mind off her self" been trying to talk to people lately..I feel like such a burden when I do..I'm so lost again, it feels like I have a giant rag stuck in my throat..I don't cry, I can't, but I'm awfully close..
Where can a land, when I fall from my safty? :(
Where can a land, when I fall from my safty? :(