remember when we talked of where we'd be a year from now?
ive calmed down a bit from my last entry.
i still need to give him a piece of my mind though.
+ i wont ever have respect for him again.
anyway- superbowl... steelers won <3
went to matts.
witnessed more drama between guys
than ive seen between girls.
im kind of where ive been for awhile still.
i have deanna. i have justin. but im not happy.
i know im being selfish, + dont get me wrong.
i am SO thankful i have people like them in my life.
deanna's like a scrapbook of my high school career.
she's been there through everything + knows me better than anyone else.
+ i thank God everyday for giving me her.
but there's just some things missing from my life.
that just make me feel so terribly empty.
the obvious thing to think of right now is a boyfriend.
"if i had a boyfriend that would make me happy."
ugh. i WISH it were that simple.
but the fact of the matter is, just a boyfriend wont make me happy.
im extremely picky in the guys i like or choose to kiss.
i refuse to settle in this situation- because if you settle, you wont last.
but i dont think any guy would want a girl in my condition anyway.
which brings me to the next thing: my weight.
like many girls, ive tried so many times to go on diets.
on again off again, my cheat days with dee have turned in to cheat weeks.
+ i really need to get back on for myself this time.
i mean- i dont want to go to prom, but if i decide to- i want to look good.
+ either way- summer is 5 months away. not even.
summer is going to leave me empty too.
andrew has said a few times that he's leaving soon + never going to talk to me again.
+ i know he's joking, but it still scares me + worries me.
i mean- who knows if i'll keep in touch with the seniors im friends with.
or if they'll want to or have time to.
+ not only that- but what will summer bring?
what will next month bring?
what will the proms bring?
who will be with who, + what will be going on?
will the seniors leave hating each other or will all be resolved?
the happy ending of the summer would be a bittersweet departure
where they love each other so much, but are sad to leave + go to college.
or- the summer could end with them wanting to leave to get away from everything.
which right now seems more likely than the other one.
but who knows.
im not even a senior, so maybe i dont know what im talking about.
ugh. ive become such a worrier. wtf.
i need a break from everything. hauppauge.
+ i need to stop letting my emotions get the better of me.
+ i need to start being more consistent with everything.
thats my biggest problem with myself lately- im not consistent.
wow. i have a lot of work to do.
pz.
i still need to give him a piece of my mind though.
+ i wont ever have respect for him again.
anyway- superbowl... steelers won <3
went to matts.
witnessed more drama between guys
than ive seen between girls.
im kind of where ive been for awhile still.
i have deanna. i have justin. but im not happy.
i know im being selfish, + dont get me wrong.
i am SO thankful i have people like them in my life.
deanna's like a scrapbook of my high school career.
she's been there through everything + knows me better than anyone else.
+ i thank God everyday for giving me her.
but there's just some things missing from my life.
that just make me feel so terribly empty.
the obvious thing to think of right now is a boyfriend.
"if i had a boyfriend that would make me happy."
ugh. i WISH it were that simple.
but the fact of the matter is, just a boyfriend wont make me happy.
im extremely picky in the guys i like or choose to kiss.
i refuse to settle in this situation- because if you settle, you wont last.
but i dont think any guy would want a girl in my condition anyway.
which brings me to the next thing: my weight.
like many girls, ive tried so many times to go on diets.
on again off again, my cheat days with dee have turned in to cheat weeks.
+ i really need to get back on for myself this time.
i mean- i dont want to go to prom, but if i decide to- i want to look good.
+ either way- summer is 5 months away. not even.
summer is going to leave me empty too.
andrew has said a few times that he's leaving soon + never going to talk to me again.
+ i know he's joking, but it still scares me + worries me.
i mean- who knows if i'll keep in touch with the seniors im friends with.
or if they'll want to or have time to.
+ not only that- but what will summer bring?
what will next month bring?
what will the proms bring?
who will be with who, + what will be going on?
will the seniors leave hating each other or will all be resolved?
the happy ending of the summer would be a bittersweet departure
where they love each other so much, but are sad to leave + go to college.
or- the summer could end with them wanting to leave to get away from everything.
which right now seems more likely than the other one.
but who knows.
im not even a senior, so maybe i dont know what im talking about.
ugh. ive become such a worrier. wtf.
i need a break from everything. hauppauge.
+ i need to stop letting my emotions get the better of me.
+ i need to start being more consistent with everything.
thats my biggest problem with myself lately- im not consistent.
wow. i have a lot of work to do.
pz.