i cant wait to go home.
"Lord, search my heart;
Create in me something clean.
Dandelions.
You see flowers in these weeds"
i think im going to get a new livejournal.
the date got fucked up + now when i try to put the right date
it thinks im trying to do a back-entry.
so every time i update, i have to leave it with the wrong date.
which by the way is exactly one year ahead- so 2007.
seeing that makes me upset bc i graduate that year + it feels too soon.
+ in actuality, it is too soon, but not THAT soon.
so i'd like that date to stay as far away from me as possible.
okay so now for the update:
-im sorry if i've been weird these few days.
im actually having a tough time in school + with things out of school.
like- a real tough time.. + im just having trouble dealing with both at the same time.
ive never had this situation with school before- + combining that with not good circumstances
at home leaves me worrying, being extra irritable, and overwhelmed.
so im sorry if ive offended you or made you feel bad. :)
-there's less than a week now before i leave for my second JLR.
im going back to where my recreation happened, but this time as a leader.
it's definitely going to be weird experiencing JLR from this perspective..
+ to be honest, im kind of nervous- VERY nervous to see how i handle it.
i hope it doesnt ruin JLR for me.. we'll see though.
another reason im extremely nervous, is because i have to give a prayer service.
+ up until yesterday i had no idea what i was doing, + i still dont have a great idea.
i dont even know if what i did was what i was supposed to do.
+ the guy i'm supposed to be doing it with hasnt contacted me or returned my e-mails.
and im worried that i did it wrong, or its not going to be good.
+ all i want is for the participants this year to get out of JLRwhat i got out of JLR last
year when i was a participant.
because JLR really showed me what i was doing wrong in my life, + what i needed to do.
it changed me so much, + definitely for the better.
+ i know that the people going really need this retreat + got the spot for a reason.
but im worried that they may not take it seriously, or look at it the wrong way.
im worried that they will come back unchanged + resume bad habits + tendencies.
+ this worry is not just for those coming from my parish.
this worry is for anyone who is attending JLR, even myself.
i hope i can rejuvenate my "God high" + be the person i was after JLR last year.
because JLR no matter what will give you a light that shines through you.
the trick is to keep that fire inside you burning + share it with others.
+ one cant help but lose some of that flame throughout the year, especially this year.
i guess i'll end this segment with some advice for those attending JLR 2006 as participants:
no matter what, no matter who is there or how you feel about them, OPEN UP!
try your hardest not to judge who was chosen before attending the LR.
because just like you, they were chosen not only by the adults, but by God.
each + every one of you were chosen for a reason, + your job is to find that reason.
use this LR to find out how to better yourself, + gather strength to make those changes.
use this LR to realize who + what is important in your life,
+ who + what is unhealthy for you + you need to let go.
JLR is not a place to be prideful or embarrassed or self-conscious.
so dont be afraid to open up to anyone you meet, or get closer with those you already know.
+ most of all, dont be afraid to let go, + let God.
-some of you reading this must be thinking i should take my own advice.
+ anyone who says that is correct, + believe me im working on it.
honestly, doing my prayer service, listening to the JLR05 CD, and talking to others about JLR
have helped me tremendously in re-realizing what all these troubles really are.
they are all challenges God has given me to grow stronger in faith + in myself.
overcoming these challenges + rough times in my life give me confidence in my character.
they make me believe that i can overcome anything + come out better for it.
that's what they're supposed to do.
+ it sounds so much better than it actually is when you're going through it.
because things that happen do sometimes make you question why this would happen to you.
why God would let this happen.
but the truth is, everything happens for a reason, + keeping that in mind keeps you faithful.
+ remaining faithful + truly believing that everything happens for a reason,
is the key to happy living.
i am confident that my life will turn out okay, because i have my faith if nothing else.
i do my duties well for the most part, + do more on occasion as well.
no matter what happens, even if i am unhappy, my faith is always strong.
so i know everything will be okay.
this was actually an uplifting entry.
im happy i did this. :D
pz. ♥
Create in me something clean.
Dandelions.
You see flowers in these weeds"
i think im going to get a new livejournal.
the date got fucked up + now when i try to put the right date
it thinks im trying to do a back-entry.
so every time i update, i have to leave it with the wrong date.
which by the way is exactly one year ahead- so 2007.
seeing that makes me upset bc i graduate that year + it feels too soon.
+ in actuality, it is too soon, but not THAT soon.
so i'd like that date to stay as far away from me as possible.
okay so now for the update:
-im sorry if i've been weird these few days.
im actually having a tough time in school + with things out of school.
like- a real tough time.. + im just having trouble dealing with both at the same time.
ive never had this situation with school before- + combining that with not good circumstances
at home leaves me worrying, being extra irritable, and overwhelmed.
so im sorry if ive offended you or made you feel bad. :)
-there's less than a week now before i leave for my second JLR.
im going back to where my recreation happened, but this time as a leader.
it's definitely going to be weird experiencing JLR from this perspective..
+ to be honest, im kind of nervous- VERY nervous to see how i handle it.
i hope it doesnt ruin JLR for me.. we'll see though.
another reason im extremely nervous, is because i have to give a prayer service.
+ up until yesterday i had no idea what i was doing, + i still dont have a great idea.
i dont even know if what i did was what i was supposed to do.
+ the guy i'm supposed to be doing it with hasnt contacted me or returned my e-mails.
and im worried that i did it wrong, or its not going to be good.
+ all i want is for the participants this year to get out of JLRwhat i got out of JLR last
year when i was a participant.
because JLR really showed me what i was doing wrong in my life, + what i needed to do.
it changed me so much, + definitely for the better.
+ i know that the people going really need this retreat + got the spot for a reason.
but im worried that they may not take it seriously, or look at it the wrong way.
im worried that they will come back unchanged + resume bad habits + tendencies.
+ this worry is not just for those coming from my parish.
this worry is for anyone who is attending JLR, even myself.
i hope i can rejuvenate my "God high" + be the person i was after JLR last year.
because JLR no matter what will give you a light that shines through you.
the trick is to keep that fire inside you burning + share it with others.
+ one cant help but lose some of that flame throughout the year, especially this year.
i guess i'll end this segment with some advice for those attending JLR 2006 as participants:
no matter what, no matter who is there or how you feel about them, OPEN UP!
try your hardest not to judge who was chosen before attending the LR.
because just like you, they were chosen not only by the adults, but by God.
each + every one of you were chosen for a reason, + your job is to find that reason.
use this LR to find out how to better yourself, + gather strength to make those changes.
use this LR to realize who + what is important in your life,
+ who + what is unhealthy for you + you need to let go.
JLR is not a place to be prideful or embarrassed or self-conscious.
so dont be afraid to open up to anyone you meet, or get closer with those you already know.
+ most of all, dont be afraid to let go, + let God.
-some of you reading this must be thinking i should take my own advice.
+ anyone who says that is correct, + believe me im working on it.
honestly, doing my prayer service, listening to the JLR05 CD, and talking to others about JLR
have helped me tremendously in re-realizing what all these troubles really are.
they are all challenges God has given me to grow stronger in faith + in myself.
overcoming these challenges + rough times in my life give me confidence in my character.
they make me believe that i can overcome anything + come out better for it.
that's what they're supposed to do.
+ it sounds so much better than it actually is when you're going through it.
because things that happen do sometimes make you question why this would happen to you.
why God would let this happen.
but the truth is, everything happens for a reason, + keeping that in mind keeps you faithful.
+ remaining faithful + truly believing that everything happens for a reason,
is the key to happy living.
i am confident that my life will turn out okay, because i have my faith if nothing else.
i do my duties well for the most part, + do more on occasion as well.
no matter what happens, even if i am unhappy, my faith is always strong.
so i know everything will be okay.
this was actually an uplifting entry.
im happy i did this. :D
pz. ♥