i fed the clues of a lost day killed in motion.

[darkened_eyes_x]

i found out some things this weekend.
not things i wanted to hear, thats for sure.
but things i needed to hear.
and i realized, i need to start over with everything.

i had forgotten how people really are.
i've been giving people the benefit of the doubt too much.
i've been assuming that they've changed for the better
or that they're just having a bad day or something.
but the fact is, maybe they're just bad people.
maybe they wont change. not that they cant, but they wont.
maybe i just need to accept the fact that they
refuse to live up to their potential as a person.
thats sad + disheartening, but altogether true.
i just hope for their sake that they realize the error of their ways
+ will someday in the future find time to introspect + reform themselves.

anyway..
im not sure if i like where i am right now.
before, i didnt want things to change, + everything seemed to change at once.
+ now, i want things to change, + everything is at a standstill.
+ im trying to change that, in so many ways.
but i feel like i'm in an overcrowded elevator
trying to move, trying to get out at my floor.
but i'm being blocked by a number of different faces + bodies.
+ im forced to get off at a floor i didnt plan on getting off at
or that i dont want to get off at.
+ i want to go back.
i want to go back to when i was comfortable + content.
like those summer nights i spent with dee dani meg + nathan.
but i know that those nights wont happen again.
+ i understand that change is a fact of life + a necessity of life.
but i just wasnt ready for this much change so quickly.
+ once again, i just cant handle it.

bah.
this sucks.
>_