but i can still pretend with my memories and photographs, ive learned to love the lie.
i spent thursday friday, + part of saturday being upset + in an awkwardly bad mood.
i dont know what set me off into this bad mood..
but i sent dee, dani, + megan notes about it thursday + friday
and talked to nathan until 1.30 in the morning saturday night about it.
...and i still have no idea what to do.
i dont know why i'm feeling like this because i really did have a good weekend.
friday i went w. dee to visit justin, + then went out w. megan + dani + dee for a girl's night.
saturday i went to the mall + carnival w. meg, dee, dani, gary, + nathan, and justin met us there.
i had a lot of fun.
especially on that first ride we went on.
i guess thats where my mood started to get to me again..
just the looks i was getting, or not getting.
and how even if they werent meant a certain way, how i took them.
an augh- my mom. dont get me started.
i went on the ferris wheel.
worst ride in the world.
same thing with that really high twisty slide.
blechhhh.
and getting stuck at the top of that spider thing.
not my cup of tea. >_<
but still, overall, i had a good time..
i got in a big fight w. my brother that night.
and i'm just going to say that im disappointed in being so disappointing.
come to think of it, that night was just kind of a blur.
from the point we met up w. gary and nathan in ae
and running into priscilla + bryan feger at jc. penney,
to spinning on the tornado and walking through the funhouse
and bryan taking me + nathan home.
i still cant shake this mood..
and i hate it.
sunday i went to guitar center w. justin + saw billymark!
then later we went minigolfing w. chris + dee <33
that was fun- especially the go-karts. <33
then we went to megans.. and made her night! <3
to move on to today-
i'm just going to say that today was like thursday + friday..
nothing special, nothing too bad, but still- upsetting in my mind for some reason.
additionally, youth group tonight kind of showed me something.
it showed me that its time to move on, because i'm wasting my time.
and i'm totally okay with that, because i cant change someone's feelings..
but i just wish i didnt feel so up in the air about the whole thing.
for some reason- i still feel loyalty to him..
like if i hooked up with someone else it would be cheating..
and i guess thats just me making too much out of nothing at all.
youth group is looking up though- we have about 40 seniors graduating this year...
how upsetting.. and me + deanna are next.. what a scary thought. :(
after youth group- me, dee, danielle, and meg went to dee's house + wendy's.
in the car, we were listening to motion city soundtrack.
we blasted it. and sang. and danced.
and in that moment, i swear, we were infinite.
not to sound corny, but really, thats how i felt.
i'm so happy i found those girls, they really make me feel like i have someone always.
that i'm never alone. and i really like that. no one else makes me feel like that.
i guess i should be thankful, and i really am.
but there are just things in my life that make me forget how thankful i should be.
i'm sorry.
_
i dont know what set me off into this bad mood..
but i sent dee, dani, + megan notes about it thursday + friday
and talked to nathan until 1.30 in the morning saturday night about it.
...and i still have no idea what to do.
i dont know why i'm feeling like this because i really did have a good weekend.
friday i went w. dee to visit justin, + then went out w. megan + dani + dee for a girl's night.
saturday i went to the mall + carnival w. meg, dee, dani, gary, + nathan, and justin met us there.
i had a lot of fun.
especially on that first ride we went on.
i guess thats where my mood started to get to me again..
just the looks i was getting, or not getting.
and how even if they werent meant a certain way, how i took them.
an augh- my mom. dont get me started.
i went on the ferris wheel.
worst ride in the world.
same thing with that really high twisty slide.
blechhhh.
and getting stuck at the top of that spider thing.
not my cup of tea. >_<
but still, overall, i had a good time..
i got in a big fight w. my brother that night.
and i'm just going to say that im disappointed in being so disappointing.
come to think of it, that night was just kind of a blur.
from the point we met up w. gary and nathan in ae
and running into priscilla + bryan feger at jc. penney,
to spinning on the tornado and walking through the funhouse
and bryan taking me + nathan home.
i still cant shake this mood..
and i hate it.
sunday i went to guitar center w. justin + saw billymark!
then later we went minigolfing w. chris + dee <33
that was fun- especially the go-karts. <33
then we went to megans.. and made her night! <3
to move on to today-
i'm just going to say that today was like thursday + friday..
nothing special, nothing too bad, but still- upsetting in my mind for some reason.
additionally, youth group tonight kind of showed me something.
it showed me that its time to move on, because i'm wasting my time.
and i'm totally okay with that, because i cant change someone's feelings..
but i just wish i didnt feel so up in the air about the whole thing.
for some reason- i still feel loyalty to him..
like if i hooked up with someone else it would be cheating..
and i guess thats just me making too much out of nothing at all.
youth group is looking up though- we have about 40 seniors graduating this year...
how upsetting.. and me + deanna are next.. what a scary thought. :(
after youth group- me, dee, danielle, and meg went to dee's house + wendy's.
in the car, we were listening to motion city soundtrack.
we blasted it. and sang. and danced.
and in that moment, i swear, we were infinite.
not to sound corny, but really, thats how i felt.
i'm so happy i found those girls, they really make me feel like i have someone always.
that i'm never alone. and i really like that. no one else makes me feel like that.
i guess i should be thankful, and i really am.
but there are just things in my life that make me forget how thankful i should be.
i'm sorry.
_