blah blah blah. fuck me i suck. <3
"sat around and talked about politics
and all the different reasons why we exsist
but what if the answer is right in front of me
turning these pages"
i dont know where i left off last time.
but since then i've been in a shitty mood.
not the kind of shitty where you're mad at everyone
or annoyed by everything and everyone around you though.
the kind of shitty where next to nothing makes you laugh
and you lose interest in everything.
i was in this mood for 7 months straight from the end of 8th grade to the beginning of 9th.
and now i feel like this again.
and i can guess to say what i think is causing this,
but it cant be just one thing or action.
maybe what happened just triggered it, i dont know.
but i really hope i snap out of it quick.
im going to las vegas for a week starting wednesday.
i kind of dont want to go- i want to stay home- i just got back from florida.
and i just want to spend the rest of my summer with a friend or group of friends chilling.
i dont even have to do anything- just chill with them.
and really take the rest of this summer and seize it.
mike mallon transferred to new paltz and is leave in 2 weeks.
i havent seen him all summer.
and i didnt think that was such a big deal but like-
i spent almost every day with dee, him, chris, and justin last summer.
and now i didnt see him once.
maybe i've changed.
i definitely have changed.
i look back on last summer and freshman year and compare it to this year and this summer.
and i dont like the person i've become.
i hardly write anymore.
my book has been remained unedited and unchanged for almost 4 months.
and i used to write little poems or songs in books at home.
and my last entry is from before school ended.
i dont give lessons anymore.
i play my guitar and piano- but i dont put any real effort into learning
any additional technique that could be useful anymore.
and i feel like i dont do anything with my life anymore.
like- i've lost interest in everything.
lately i feel like i'm letting down my friends, especially deanna and justin.
and i dont know what it is- maybe i really am a shitty person.
but whatever has happened- i dont like the person i've become.
im tired.
im going to sleep.
p'z.
and all the different reasons why we exsist
but what if the answer is right in front of me
turning these pages"
i dont know where i left off last time.
but since then i've been in a shitty mood.
not the kind of shitty where you're mad at everyone
or annoyed by everything and everyone around you though.
the kind of shitty where next to nothing makes you laugh
and you lose interest in everything.
i was in this mood for 7 months straight from the end of 8th grade to the beginning of 9th.
and now i feel like this again.
and i can guess to say what i think is causing this,
but it cant be just one thing or action.
maybe what happened just triggered it, i dont know.
but i really hope i snap out of it quick.
im going to las vegas for a week starting wednesday.
i kind of dont want to go- i want to stay home- i just got back from florida.
and i just want to spend the rest of my summer with a friend or group of friends chilling.
i dont even have to do anything- just chill with them.
and really take the rest of this summer and seize it.
mike mallon transferred to new paltz and is leave in 2 weeks.
i havent seen him all summer.
and i didnt think that was such a big deal but like-
i spent almost every day with dee, him, chris, and justin last summer.
and now i didnt see him once.
maybe i've changed.
i definitely have changed.
i look back on last summer and freshman year and compare it to this year and this summer.
and i dont like the person i've become.
i hardly write anymore.
my book has been remained unedited and unchanged for almost 4 months.
and i used to write little poems or songs in books at home.
and my last entry is from before school ended.
i dont give lessons anymore.
i play my guitar and piano- but i dont put any real effort into learning
any additional technique that could be useful anymore.
and i feel like i dont do anything with my life anymore.
like- i've lost interest in everything.
lately i feel like i'm letting down my friends, especially deanna and justin.
and i dont know what it is- maybe i really am a shitty person.
but whatever has happened- i dont like the person i've become.
im tired.
im going to sleep.
p'z.