WARNING!!!! really looooong.
I had a draft saved and I had no idea what it was or what I was trying to say.
I am single once again and can not type apparently. I'm confused when I have no reason to really be confused. I miss him even though I see him every single day. We still live together and shit. I'm really hoping the whole friend thing works out, because I can't imagine him completely out of my life ya know? I know it will take a while to become close again, or close at all. I have a feeling he's always going to be a big part of my life in some way. Or maybe I'm just wishful thinking. I say we'll see how things go...but god damn do I hate waiting. I'm not a patient person in the slightest. Though I am working on it. I'm working on a lot of things. I'm going to start being the person that I really want to be. It might be a little hard to do that in my group of friends though.
Mmm. I love tea. Tea makes me happy in my pants.
I'm probably going to jump from thought to thought right now. I'm mostly typing to just type and am rambling. Also cause I'm bored and really have nothing else to do right now. I'm going to start writing in here more. Mainly to get all the craziness out of my brain. And also because no one really reads this so I don't have to worry about or edit what I have to say. Or if anyone is going to get mad or upset with what I say either. if Stephie reads tit she'll probably just end up slapping me in the face or something.
I'm mostly in an apathetic mood about everything I guess. And I have this huge pit in my stomach that I really wish WOULD GO AWAY!! Rawr! I hate being alone. I really do. One of the hardest things for me is going to be more opinionated and out going. But I'm seriously going to try. Because this being in the background thing kind of sucks like...really hardcore. And I'm going to try and learn more shit so I'm not so confused on what all my friends are talking about. That's how it usually is.
I just had a fun conversation with Ryan. He made me feel a little bit better. He's so easy to talk to because I know he's going to listen to what I have to say and not shoot me down for my opinion on something. But now that he's gone I'm starting to feel a little sad again. I hate this feeling and thinking that all my friends are just...acquaintances. And that's kind of my fault. Plus I keep sounding like a broken record. And I am addicted to Word Twist on Facebook.
I'm also going to learn how to write properly. Re teach myself grammar and sentence structure and all that stuff. Cause I really do want to be a journalist. I want to be productive and know what I'm doing so I can actually get a job in that field and what not. If you have read this so far, awesome for you!! Cause you must be really bored to listen to me ramble and shit.
I want to learn more about stuff that my friends talk about, because I've always been interested...I just really don't know how. My contacts are really weak and I can't really see. I have no idea how that's going to affect my driving. Plus I need gas but have no money and places are running out of gas at the moment. My mp3 player is on a Kill Hannah kick. I have it set to random but it just chooses KH, which is an awesome thing.
Sorry this is so long and mostly random bull shit. I just need something to do occupy my time since I'll probably sit here alone most of the time I'm not at work. I'm going to try and treat this thing like an actual journal and write in here more often. I think the only reason I am so blah and likewise right now is because I am bored. I always get depressed when I am bored, which bites but what can you do?
I'm going back to one o the first things I was talking about on this post. Me being single. I'm still not really sure how it all happened. I thought everything was fine, but I was wrong. We broke up because we were drifting apart and weren't that close anymore. I thought it was something we would be able to work on and try to improve....I guess he just didn't want to. Which makes me think that he wanted to break up with me but didn't know how. He didn't want to hurt me or make me sad. That's why he waited for a few weeks. Cause he'd been feeling like that for a few weeks before hand. I really am mainly going to miss the companionship. Knowing that there was someone to hold and cuddle and just be with. Having someone to say I love you and just call for no reason.
Tyler was the only guy I've dated that I could really be myself around. I could be silly and goofy and retarded with. the only guy who didn't look down on me or think I was dumb for acting like a little kid all the time. I don't know if I'll ever find that again. Or if I'll ever really find any body. I just really don't want to be single for 2 years again. I know I wouldn't be able to handle that. At all.
Why can't I just stop thinking? It would be wikid if my brain would just stop working for a little bit. So amazing. I'm also afraid of turning into a mopey stalker type person. Who obsesses over someone. I really don't want to do that. I do not want to turn into Cole at any point ever. Cause then I would be annoying. I'm also afraid that I'm going to pester him and annoy the shit of out him. Moving all my stuff into the spare, well now my, room is going to suck. I was fine this morning until I started moving my clothes in there. I really don't want to start crying my eyes out around him. I don't want him to see me like that nor comfort me or something he did. Cause that will make everything so much harder.
I'm always going to love him. There's no changing that. And he said he still loves me...but we'll see.
I'm just typing now to keep busy and because I want to type. I really have nothing else to say right now. Sooo...on that note I guess I'm going to end this thing.
Later taters.
I am single once again and can not type apparently. I'm confused when I have no reason to really be confused. I miss him even though I see him every single day. We still live together and shit. I'm really hoping the whole friend thing works out, because I can't imagine him completely out of my life ya know? I know it will take a while to become close again, or close at all. I have a feeling he's always going to be a big part of my life in some way. Or maybe I'm just wishful thinking. I say we'll see how things go...but god damn do I hate waiting. I'm not a patient person in the slightest. Though I am working on it. I'm working on a lot of things. I'm going to start being the person that I really want to be. It might be a little hard to do that in my group of friends though.
Mmm. I love tea. Tea makes me happy in my pants.
I'm probably going to jump from thought to thought right now. I'm mostly typing to just type and am rambling. Also cause I'm bored and really have nothing else to do right now. I'm going to start writing in here more. Mainly to get all the craziness out of my brain. And also because no one really reads this so I don't have to worry about or edit what I have to say. Or if anyone is going to get mad or upset with what I say either. if Stephie reads tit she'll probably just end up slapping me in the face or something.
I'm mostly in an apathetic mood about everything I guess. And I have this huge pit in my stomach that I really wish WOULD GO AWAY!! Rawr! I hate being alone. I really do. One of the hardest things for me is going to be more opinionated and out going. But I'm seriously going to try. Because this being in the background thing kind of sucks like...really hardcore. And I'm going to try and learn more shit so I'm not so confused on what all my friends are talking about. That's how it usually is.
I just had a fun conversation with Ryan. He made me feel a little bit better. He's so easy to talk to because I know he's going to listen to what I have to say and not shoot me down for my opinion on something. But now that he's gone I'm starting to feel a little sad again. I hate this feeling and thinking that all my friends are just...acquaintances. And that's kind of my fault. Plus I keep sounding like a broken record. And I am addicted to Word Twist on Facebook.
I'm also going to learn how to write properly. Re teach myself grammar and sentence structure and all that stuff. Cause I really do want to be a journalist. I want to be productive and know what I'm doing so I can actually get a job in that field and what not. If you have read this so far, awesome for you!! Cause you must be really bored to listen to me ramble and shit.
I want to learn more about stuff that my friends talk about, because I've always been interested...I just really don't know how. My contacts are really weak and I can't really see. I have no idea how that's going to affect my driving. Plus I need gas but have no money and places are running out of gas at the moment. My mp3 player is on a Kill Hannah kick. I have it set to random but it just chooses KH, which is an awesome thing.
Sorry this is so long and mostly random bull shit. I just need something to do occupy my time since I'll probably sit here alone most of the time I'm not at work. I'm going to try and treat this thing like an actual journal and write in here more often. I think the only reason I am so blah and likewise right now is because I am bored. I always get depressed when I am bored, which bites but what can you do?
I'm going back to one o the first things I was talking about on this post. Me being single. I'm still not really sure how it all happened. I thought everything was fine, but I was wrong. We broke up because we were drifting apart and weren't that close anymore. I thought it was something we would be able to work on and try to improve....I guess he just didn't want to. Which makes me think that he wanted to break up with me but didn't know how. He didn't want to hurt me or make me sad. That's why he waited for a few weeks. Cause he'd been feeling like that for a few weeks before hand. I really am mainly going to miss the companionship. Knowing that there was someone to hold and cuddle and just be with. Having someone to say I love you and just call for no reason.
Tyler was the only guy I've dated that I could really be myself around. I could be silly and goofy and retarded with. the only guy who didn't look down on me or think I was dumb for acting like a little kid all the time. I don't know if I'll ever find that again. Or if I'll ever really find any body. I just really don't want to be single for 2 years again. I know I wouldn't be able to handle that. At all.
Why can't I just stop thinking? It would be wikid if my brain would just stop working for a little bit. So amazing. I'm also afraid of turning into a mopey stalker type person. Who obsesses over someone. I really don't want to do that. I do not want to turn into Cole at any point ever. Cause then I would be annoying. I'm also afraid that I'm going to pester him and annoy the shit of out him. Moving all my stuff into the spare, well now my, room is going to suck. I was fine this morning until I started moving my clothes in there. I really don't want to start crying my eyes out around him. I don't want him to see me like that nor comfort me or something he did. Cause that will make everything so much harder.
I'm always going to love him. There's no changing that. And he said he still loves me...but we'll see.
I'm just typing now to keep busy and because I want to type. I really have nothing else to say right now. Sooo...on that note I guess I'm going to end this thing.
Later taters.